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Hell if I know

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by VireBlaze, Jun 15, 2011.

  1. VireBlaze

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    I really honestly don't know what my sexual orientation is. At all. -_- I mean, I used to crush on a girl like, 5 years ago, but I'm thinking it was because she was the only one, living on an island of 100, who was as much into gaming and anime as I was. I had never really thought I'd leave that place. I don't know what's changed, other than moving, to make me question my orientation of gay, bi, or straight.

    I mean to be honest, sure I watch two guys goin' at it :icon_redf, but there's still that part of me that believes I could be straight, or at least bi. It doesn't help that I've never ever been in a relationship. ._. I really don't know what to feel. It's not like my heart's skipped a beat when I've seen or hung out with anyone here in a valley of 900 or so people, so maybe I'm rushing things. I just feel like I could end this confusion, though, and get on with my life. :dry: Huuuuuurgh. :help:
     
  2. Sometimes it's hard to figure out what your sexual orientation is. It is. But the general advice given here is to think about who your eyes are drawn to, who you fantasize about, what kind of porn you watch, etc.

    If that's guys all the time, you're probably gay. If it's guys and girls? Bisexual.

    Also, this might help you a little bit. It helped me: The Kinsey Scale

    Hope that helps, and good luck :slight_smile: (*hug*)
     
  3. Mirko

    Admin Team Advisor Full Member

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    Hi there! Figuring out once sexual identity can take a while. And that is okay.

    You don't have to label yourself at this stage. In fact, trying to put a label on your feelings at this point could lead you to be stressed out even more because subconsciously you might try to fit into the meaning of that label when you might also be experiencing other conflicting feelings.

    Your crush on the girl was most likely real, in that you found her attractive and there were a few commonalities that helped you to see her in a certain light. But that crush faded over time. Having new experiences can also alter as to how you see someone or how you feel about someone. New experiences can also bring out other feelings that we not have been aware of.

    Watching guys going at it, could be one of the indications that something is there. Now, a couple of questions you might want to explore are:

    • Do I feel attracted to guys and/or girls?
    • Is there a strong attraction?
    • When I meet others, do I check out guys and/or girls?
    • When I do this, what kind of a feeling do I have?
    • Do I fantasize about guys and/or girls?

    Maybe try finding some answers. Let your feelings guide you. Over time, you will figure things out. Take it slow and explore your feelings.

    (*hug*)
     
  4. VireBlaze

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    *sigh* I know I shouldn't be trying to rush it, but I feel like if I don't figure this out now, that I'll just end up questioning it forever.

    - At this point, I dunno. I'm most concerned about personality. Maybe guys?

    - I would say so. When it comes down to it, I like people who have energy to spend and even share, who has self-confidence, but not to the point of cockiness, and inspires confidence in myself, who can show compassion and kindness to everyone and everything, who love to laugh, and love showing their creativity.

    - Guys. Maybe.

    - Fluttering. Realizing that I'm wishing for something that would probably never be.

    - Well, when it comes to 'that' type of fantasizing, I'd say guys.

    And yet, despite all this, I don't think I'm ready to accept it. Not yet anyway. Like I said, never being in a relationship kind of provides me with a handicap to how I really feel about being with a guy or girl. I need some time to sort this out. It's funny, but I feel better even remotely talking about this. I don't really understand some of my feelings about much of this; I haven't experienced much of the world and what it has to offer. I can realize that sitting here in my basement questioning everything won't do much in helping me, that I have to find my own answers. But it's not like I can do much here.

    Even then, I don't think I'd know where to start. Oi vey... If only I was even remotely more attractive maybe this would be easier, then I would've had a relationship or two, but that's assuming. :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes: Honestly, I've lived my life trying to make everyone else happy. I wasn't really focused on myself when I did things; I was always considering how they affected other people.

    Sheesh, I'm not even sure if my rant would count as on-topic, but maybe there could be some connections/correlation.
     
  5. TheEdend

    TheEdend Guest

    While you think you are stuck on the whole subject, it sounds to me like you are well in your way to figuring things out and accepting yourself. It is a hard process. Some people take years and some other people take days, but its important to remember that its not a race by any means.

    Also, try not to focus on what would make things easier for you. Trust me, I had multiple relationships with women before I came out and all it does is confuse the hell out of you even more. Instead, try to focus on your situation right now and what you can do to help.

    You are doing well so try to not stress too much about it :slight_smile:

    ps. the ranting/talking is ALWAYS helpful so talk as much as you want. Like you said, simply typing it all out sometimes helps more than you realize.
     
  6. Danny19

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    this sounds like me a year ago, except the whole island and anime thing... anyway when i was in high school there was this girl and she was just awesome. she was one of my closest friends. As we got closer i started liking her, she was pretty, funny, smart, caring, and other things. she seemed perfect, this was when i thought i could be straight. i was happy cuz i thought i was turning straight or bi. However, once we finished school things changed, i didnt see her as much as i did in school so i had some space from her. and thats when i started losing interest. I started college and if felt different i saw guys more and more attractive and unconsciously lost interest in school. i was confused a lot. so what i did was i stopped thinking about it and just tried to go with my instinct. i sat on a bench at school and just look to see where my eyes would go to. i saw pretty girls and all i did was think they are pretty and turn away, once i saw a hot guy i couldn't stop staring. and this just kept happening. i was tired of fighting it so i accepted it.

    even though ive had crushes on girls and not guys i knew i was gay. because what i liked in the girls was the personality and i like it. and i havent met guys like that. so now i could only see them as my friends and sisters.

    all i can say is that you shouldnt over think this. many people do this, even i did and it doesnt help. but it all came to me when i just stopped. relax and go with ur instinct. it might take a while but in the end you will know..

    hope this helps.
     
  7. roberthere

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    Hi, I want to share that i had also gone through the same problem and i couldn't come out into the open for a long time.. I was depressed too.. Then i found this site [website requieres a fee-removed by mod] and contacted a mentor there.. I wanted help to come out of the depression state first.. I got help and slowly i came out and started sorting things out myself.. Now I'm happy and i know that I'm gay. I have the confidence to handle my life and feelings now.. If you want you can take help through this site.. Good day to all :slight_smile:
     
  8. Lexington

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    I'd say your main problem isn't "not knowing your sexual identity" - it's being in a town of 900 people. :slight_smile: Don't bother hanging out your shingle. Just go with what's interesting you now. If it's guys, fine - hang out with guys, feel free to date some, feel free to (safely) have sex with some. And if you can't do that where you live, you might look into moving somewhere where you can. :slight_smile:

    Lex
     
  9. VireBlaze

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    Huurm. Only thing is that the guys around my age here, aren't all that appealing. Nor are they gay. Right now, I'm just planning to stick around for one more year so I can make some more money before I head out (maybe). Hangin' out mostly with my best friends, which would be two girls, especially now that exams are happening for them, so they'll have some free time on their hands to hang out. I appreciate the help, everyone. I think at this point, I'll just have to wait it out until I finally figure it out and/or feel comfortable with who I am. :slight_smile: