OK, I hope I am posting this in the right place. So, Im 16 years old and have felt straight all my life. I've liked and been sexually attracted to boys, but I never thought about girls in that way. I was always...intrigued...by seeing girls kiss but I never really felt attracted to a girl. Recently, though I realized I have strong feelings for a female person I see on a regular basis and probably have had them for about half a year (just couldn't really admit it to myself until now). And yes, physical attraction also involved. The thing is I keep wondering if maybe it's just a phase or maybe I am mixing up admiration (because I've always admired her and looked up to her a lot) with something else. I am not sure...I do know that ever since this has happened I have stopped noticing guys (well I don't notice girls that much but then again I never did up until now) as much. I spend half the day moping about, when I see her I turn 5 different shades of red, I can't get her out of my head...well I think I'm in love with her. But I am not sure about my sexuality because generally if people are bisexual it manifests itself much much earlier than it has with me, so I am not sure whether I am bisexual or what (it is just a little late to JUST start noticing these things). Maybe I should mention that, while I went to a pretty liberal school my parents and community were never very accepting. So yeah, if someone could help me figure out what's going on it would be great.
Welcome to EC! At the risk of sounding like a grown-up, I'd say the main thing to say is "You're sixteen". It'd be nice if all of us knew our (eventual) sexual identities at the outset of puberty, and for many people, they do. But for others, it's a learning process. They start noticing what they're interested in, they notice some patterns emerging, and they eventually find out which "label" matches them the best. (If one does at all.) You apparently thought you were straight until a couple months ago. Now it seems you've got something for a female. No big deal - it happens. Does it mean you're gay? Bi-sexual? Straight but confused? Going through a phase? No way of telling just yet. Just accept it as a piece to the puzzle. If the girl is gay and out, feel free to date her. If not, call it a crush, enjoy it for what it is, and work on moving beyond it. Eventually, the pieces will all fall into place. Lex
First of all, welcome to EC! You've come to the right place, and you've posted this in the right spot. If you're 16, I don't think you should assume that you'd have known your sexual orientation before now. Many of us don't figure that out until later in life. I was in my mid 30s before I figured this out about myself. Everyone is different - so our attractions are different and our ability to assess these things about ourselves are different. We come from different families of origin or from different parts of the world - and all of these things influence how open we are going to be to consider the possibility that we're gay. Some of us had to have some pretty obvious signals before we finally considered it. It certainly seems like you have feelings for this other girl. Reflecting on these feelings and acknowledging them is all good. There isn't necessarily a need to act on them right away - but being aware of them is certainly good. Don't cut off the possibility of being attracted to boys too at some point. You just never know.
Thank you for replying and being so welcoming...I seriously don't know what I would've done had I not found this website. I was finding all this really overwhelming and hard to deal with and I had no one to go to, because my parents are intolerant religious freaks and most of my friends are pretty close-minded and even the one friend I confided into didn't have any answers for my questions. So then I researched and while I saw plenty supportive/useful articles and researches there were also ones threatening me with hell, calling me a sinner (I'm not religious but I was raised in a religious family and it's still kind of daunting to read stuff like that), saying I made a conscious choice to be attracted to a woman, that I was simply screwed up, that I had mother issues, that I was a bitter disappointed freak etc. etc. etc. So thank you for making me feel less alone and scared and confused...and for making me realize rushing to label myself was a mistake. I'm just going to take it slow and see how I feel in the long-run...but at least now I know there's a safe place I can ask questions and get help without being judged.
my situation was really similar to yours, except for one day i just realized that i must like girls, because that's the only way to describe how i felt. i pondered it a lot, but i couldn't think at first of anything that "indicated" that i was even partially gay, because i was kind of in denial about it. i eventually came to realize that it didn't matter how i felt than, only what i feel now. i like girls, and that's ok. and if you realize that you like girls one day and not just this one, and it turns out if you're gay or bi or whatever, know that IT'S OK. and know that there are other places in real life that are safe for you. there's a gsa (gay straight alliance) at my high school, and i just graduated mid school today so i'm gonna definetly join when i get there. there is always a place safe for people like us- we just have to find it.
My situation is/was so like yours. I had a crush on someone that I really admired/looked up to & for over a year I told myself that's all it was. Which completely wasn't true, but I was too scared of admitting anything else. Denying it was the worst thing I did because when I developed another crush, it worried me so much. Now that I've started to accept everything though, I'm a lot more relaxed about it. I wouldn't worry about the age thing either. My first crush wasn't till I was almost 15 & before that, I'd never, ever been attracted to another woman.
