K so this mite sound wherd but i hate my father i hat him so much i wish him ill and dead.i have never met him and i don't wont to i faund out that he has had 10 caunt thim 10 whiefs and he has gotin 9 of thim pregnit only 4 of his ospring r still liveinbg an d that is b/c HE KILLD THE OUTWEAR he thried to kill me whin i was 9 months old he throw me over a raling bt i landid on the chauch unharmed thin my mom left him he thin got anuther chick only i hpregnit and whin he foun out he punchd hear in the stumik so hared he killd the fetis. what kind of phersin dos that i cant stand him if i no whar he was i wood giv him what for......he just maks me so so soo soooooo idk but he maks me sumthing. o i cant stand it someone giv me a hug:tears:
You need a good hug, here's mine (*hug*) I think you're fully justified to feel hatred and anger towards this man that's biologically your father, though I wouldn't recommend finding nor meeting up with him. He's an abusive and violent man and nearly killed you when you were young! To actively go out and confront him with violence will bring you down to his level, you deserve better for yourself and your mother did the absolutely right thing to leave him; staying with him would only endanger you and her, and it's not a relationship built on love and trust, seeing as he was sleeping around with other women - but that is very overshadowed by his awful behaviour to those around him! My best advice would be let your emotions flow and feel what you feel, don't pent up any of them. Talk to someone if you want to, perhaps your mother, or there's always us on here and we're up at all times of day and night, here to listen
(*hug*) I don't really know my father and have no interest in getting to know him. From what you said I think you should as Rosina said and talk to someonen(friends, family and anyone here on EC) if you need to let your feelings out. That man is a horrible human being and your better not knowing him, make sure that he stays out of your life.
If you're not already, I would *strongly* recommend getting into therapy. You need a safe, constructive place to work through this stuff. I didn't have to deal with half of what you're dealing with, and my issues related to my father were still quite intense. If money or insurance is an issue, contact some free clinics for referrals. Many therapists do a sliding scale, etc. This is important stuff. Take care of yourself, my friend.
