I feel like my mom and I are really different people. We misunderstand each other a lot. This isn't just her or just me, i really think it's both of us. And something happened today that made me think that inevitably my mom won't like me anymore because I'm like my dad and they're divorced. Don't get me wrong, my parents don't hate each other or anything. At least if they do, they hide it well... but my mom and I have ideological differences that seem like they're just going to clash over and over again. I feel like one day we're just not going to be able to relate at all and she won't care to have a really good relationship with me or me with her because we just won't get along. And I don't know what to do. I feel like the more I become who I am, and the more comfortable I become with myself, the more my mom sees me as just like my dad. The other thing is, I was never told why my parents divorced. It's not that I was a little kid (I was 15), it's just that they told me it was their relationship and therefore not really my business. Which, until now, hasn't bothered me much. Now I wonder why it didn't work with my parents because I feel like it could go the same way with me and my mom and I really really don't want that. What the hell do I do now?
Hi, I just have to say, it's like I'm actually feeling how worried you are right now. I can't guarantee that this would work(because you said that a) she just won't get along with your dad anymore and b) they said it's none of your business) but try reaching out to her and show her that you are willing to give in to what she says(you say you always misunderstand each other). Like fore example, if you're having an argument, just take it and see it that makes a difference. How she reacts, if she does notice your sacrifice, should tell you how she really feels about your relationship. Also, the fact that you(their child, the person directly affected by their actions and relationship) has no business knowing what happened then I could only guess that it was really big trouble and like with you and your mom, they took their stand against each other. I hope that my answers made sense and it all works out for you in the end. (*hug*)
Maybe it would be worth telling your mom exactly what you told us. That you're worried that one day, she won't care to have a good relationship with you because you're having different opinions of many things, and also because you're scared you're reminding her of your dad. Then to tell her that even if you do disagree with her on many things, you love her because she's your mom, and that you would like for things to get better between the two of you. I would like to add that, when I was a teenager and even as a young adult, I was fighting over pretty much everything with my mom. She was utterly getting on my nerves and me on hers. But with time, things get really much much better. We still disagree on many things, but now, we agree that it's ok to disagree. I have stopped trying to prove her that she is wrong when I think she is. I just say "I don't agree with you" but I am not trying to make her changing her mind, and that improved things a lot. The fact that we don't live together helps a lot too. We mostly see each others when on weekends or holidays, that's too short amount of time to fight really and whe she is getting on my nerves after 3 or 4 days spent with her, I just take a deep breath and remember I'll be home soon, where I can do, think and say whatever I want Take care, Cécile
I have a similar issue with my dad. He tends to ignore my sexuality in every way. He skirts around it in conversations, doesn't talk much to my boyfriends, just silly little stuff if you think about it but it really grates on my nerves sometimes. Your situation sounds quite a bit more desperate. *deep breath* I find that in situations like this, it works to try to find one area that you relate to each other in. Just one, you don't have to go on a grand quest for conversation topics with your mother for the next fifteen years XD. Find that one area, and start a conversation about it. Ironically enough, that's how most relationships start. If you guys can find a subject you're both interested in, and explore it together, you'll forget about your differences and become more relaxed around each other. :]
