I'm really not very good at this so I'll try doing it in short bursts. To simplify things: I'm dying from loneliness. I don't have any friends IRL or online ones. I've resigned myself to be alone for the rest of my life. It does scare me but there's really nothing I can do about it because I find it very hard - impossible even - to change. I've built up walls (physical, emotional, mental) so high that it's really improbable for me to change. Lol, that's it for now I guess. I'm gonna pass out if I write more.
Well if your dying of loneliness and you resigned yourself to be alone for the rest of your life you are only hurting yourself. Are you in school or do you have a job? If you can, try volunteering for something that interests you. You might not make any friends at first but in time if you volunteer over and over again you'll start to get acquainted with people you have something in common with and can strike up conversations there which may lead to more smaller social gatherings.
Oh, I know that but I can't help it since I detest all kinds of socializing. Yeah, I go to school but I never interact with any of my classmates or professors. I'm scared of people in general.
If you were really scared of people you wouldn't be going to school. Find an interest, anything and go for it. Try talking to the professor because they HAVE to talk to you. Ask them questions you already know the answers to. Build that confidence up. Try as hard as you can. What is it that has you feeling scared? Is it the fact that you're still closeted and you're afraid of what people might think or something else?
Is there maybe someone in your family with whom you are close? If you are scared of people in general, it might help if you find just one person you can trust and go onwards from there.
I'm scared, not terrified so I can still function okay. I had this class once about public speaking that I dropped because the professor was really pushy. I dunno but that's the way I am. I can't even talk to a therapist; I just clam up around people. I also loathe being touched. I also have no one in my family that I'm close to. Both my parents are dead, my brother and I talk but just about superficial shi* and my sister is working/living in Italy.
I would suggest talking to a therapist again. Sounds a little like you have an anxiety issue, more on the lines of a social phobia. As much information and advice that we give you it has to be you who takes the first step. If you want this to be a thing of the past you're going to have to take the first step in any direction (Family, Professor, Therapist). By nature humans are social creatures so once you get over the anxiety when meeting/talking to someone you shouldn't have a problem keeping the conversation going even it it's small talk but a therapist would help you out better in that department. If you want to jump right into it, do a mini Free hugs campaign. [YOUTUBE]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vr3x_RRJdd4[/YOUTUBE] You'll strike up conversations and have physical contact with everyone you meet. Then you can really be open and explain your situation and how you are trying to overcome it. I don't think anyone could look down or make fun of you for that. By the end of the day or campaign your anxiety level should go down a lot due to the exposure you'll get through physical and social contact. If not make something like this your goal. Take little steps, "today I'll say hi to someone and tomorrow I'll say hi to 5 people" but if you can do a free hugs campaign then you can do anything. It's also an organization so you can sign up for it and have people by your side when you do this so you don't do it alone.
