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What to do in this situation?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by south9000, Jun 18, 2011.

  1. south9000

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    I'm know that I'm gay. I just have an issue with my family and some friends. My family is ultra religious...preach homosexuality is a sin and you are going to hell, basically. I have a few select friends that know and they are fine with it. I'm just having a really hard time with my family. I love being around them and I'm very afraid that I would lose their support if I came out. However, I know I can't live my life like this forever. I'm just looking for people who have been in similar situations or someone who can just give me some advice.
     
  2. Mystery

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    I am in a similar situation(Minus the religious part). I have been trying to figure out how my parents would deal with the situation. If I were you I would find a way to get them thinking about what they would do in the event that they found out they had a son who is gay. This may or may not work. I'm not even sure if it's going to work for me. But it's a start.
     
  3. BlueFoxfireS8

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    Hi south9000 and welcome to EC(or being a member if you've been around :3).

    Anyways, I have been/am in that situation right now. I told my mom, who said she was fine it, then my sister, who completely freaked out

    (our conversation)
    Me: "I'm bi."
    Her: "No, you're not. You're straight.
    Me: "You think I'm kidding?"
    Her: "You better be."

    and then my brother, who said he doesn't like it but has other things he dislikes more. They took it well, for people who are "religious" or so they say.

    In the end, they all voiced that they are uncomfortable with it and my mom told me I might just be confused.

    I say, take it easy on yourself. It won't do you much good to focus so much on something you're not so sure about at the moment(just think it over but don't constantly roll that thought in your mind). I know it doesn't very helpful for your situation(I've had my share of obsessions, I know they just pop up) but just breathe in some relief that nothing bad has happened yet.

    Sorry if you wanted something more active than passive. I just don't want to risk getting it wrong for other people.
     
  4. south9000

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    I appreciate the responses so far. It doesn't help that I have an immediate family member who is a minister. It's hard hearing all the time from my mom, sister, cousins, etc. how much they don't like gay people and how disgusting it is. I try not to focus on it but it upsets me when I hear these things. I don't know I feel like if I stand up for myself (and others) it would alienate me. Maybe I am just being too hard on myself...I don't know.
     
  5. BlueFoxfireS8

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    Do they do that just out of nowhere? Because I've read somewhere here that doing that for no apparent reason is like a measure people like them take. They say that so you would feel the way you do right now and hopefully not come out or question yourself and try to "straighten up".
     
  6. TheEdend

    TheEdend Guest

    First of, welcome to EC! :slight_smile:

    Being surrounded by a very religious family is definitely an intimidating and sometimes unbearable situation to be in, but, as you can already see, you are far from alone.

    Do you still live with them or depend on them? If you aren't then you could start coming out to people except for your family. At least until you feel comfortable enough with yourself to be able to come out to them.

    Also, I would recommend watching For the Bible Tells Me So. Its a documentary that is more geared towards how the bible doesn't go against homosexuality, but there is also two examples of two very religious families and the journey they took in order to come to accept their gay children that you might be interested in.

    Here is the trailer:
    [YOUTUBE]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ajBR0dq0XXk[/YOUTUBE]
     
  7. south9000

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    Thanks TheEdend for the video suggestion. I will take a look at the trailer and then find the movie. I don't live with them but I live close to a lot of them in a small community. Unfortunately, things spread like wildfire here...I've lived in other places and not had a problem telling them (friends) but circumstances have brought me back here (to the area where my family is). I guess it is going to take me on a deep personal journey to decide what to do. I know I just can't live like this forever. A lot of my friends elsewhere have told me I should leave and move to a bigger place, but I do enjoy it here and being back with my family.
     
  8. LonelyLullabies

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    I'd just do it. You never know how people will react. Maybe they'll shut up about it being a sin if they find out you are gay. If they dont....then I'd make sure they pack enough clothes for hell and endless hate once they pass on.
    Sorry I'm so straight forward.
     
  9. Foxywolf

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    Just know that most people who are against gay people are against gay people period. Often its not necessarily their religion that pushes them to be against gay people. It is their own personal biases. Or else those same people would be against a whole lot of other random things in the bible.
    My grandpa was a priest and I have a feeling that he would have loved and accepted me if I had come out to him. I never will get to find out now :frowning2:
    But I don't know what you should do. I think that when they are bashing gays you should try to extinguish some of the hate they direct towards gays. Like if they say, "Gays are disgusting, they sleep around so much," then say something like, "Well actually they don't sleep around any more than straight people."
    Just test the waters by bringing up gay subjects now and again. Like try to talk about gay marriage that is about to be passed in New York. They will probably be against it but just state your opinions and they might listen a little. Like say, well I believe that god loves everyone and that he would bless a homosexual marriage too! Just kind of let them know where you stand in your beliefs.