Ok so its been a while since I have posted but I am going to try and make this update short. I broke up with my boyfriend who I didn't see it going long term with as it was unfair I had feelings for an ex while with him. I am now out of the Navy and back home. I got back with my ex that I had feelings for and now things are not going well. Ok so she cheated on her boyfriend with me then left him. Ok so bad deal I know but from the way he treated her I don't blame her for leaving the guy. Or at least that's my sad attempt to rationalize bad behavior. Now on to where it gets worse. After about a month of me and her going out I got the feeling something was up. So I did something messed up and went through her phone. Caught her out with nude photos of a guy on there. So I got mad and basically she asked about them because he had mentioned them and she was curious but she never planed act nor did she. I know this because I spoke to the guy on the side without her knowing and he said they never even talked outside of work other then texting. Now the pics alone would not have been an issue if she had told me about them. I mean I am fairly open to different relationship options and told her that. Its the fact that she lied. This cut me deep as I don't trust anyone. I mean other then my best friend and well used to be her I always assumed that people will lie when they feel the need. Her doing that just hurt. Now its been two months of fighting because I find it hard to trust her and she hates that I question everything. But these last few days we have hardly talked. I don't know if something is going on or what. I know she is talking to her ex but she swears they are just friends and I want to believe that but I worry all the time. Then we get to today when she refused to talk to me even when I basically begged her to because it was important. She said she was busy. My little sis was in the hospital and that was the issue I needed to talk about. She hardly even responded to my texts. I just dont know what to do with this any more. I love her and have loved her for ten years but I feel like crap and dont know if we can work.
Unfortunately, relationships require trust, even more than they require honesty. If you can't trust her, whether it's fair to her or not that you don't, you probably can't make the relationship work. Doesn't mean it'll hurt to try, doesn't mean you can't engender trust again, just that it'll take work. I've survived through a period of distrust in only one relationship (well, friendship). What rebuilt trust for me was learning to appreciate the good qualities in my friend and recognizing that for all her untrustworthy qualities, she'd back me up to the hilt in a pinch. If you can find something trustworthy in your girlfriend to latch onto, that'll go a long way to regaining full trust.
I understand it is not an easy situation to handle. As it seems to be mainly trust issues you're having with your girlfriend, and that you're having troubles to talk about it without fighting, maybe it would help you to talk about it to a counselor (if possible with your girlfriend if she agrees to come with you). A counselor would be able to help you to talk without turning things into a fight. I hope things will get better with your girlfriend. Take care, Cécile
In my opinion she it sounds like she acts without having other people in mind on how her actions will effect other people. I don't care how much you don't care for how your relationship is going a relationship first and foremost has a level of respect. If you don't like how it is going then break it off, don't cheat. She had no consideration for the other party when she cheated on her ex. This is a complete contrast to the person you are. You felt you didn't see yourself going longterm with your boyfriend and you had feeling for someone else so you broke it off because it's not fair. You made a mature decision. She didn't. (Now comes you. You were the other guy. For the sake of the comment I'll skip a lot of my own opinions and go to straight to your predicament concerning your girlfriend.) Now you are having trust issues with your girlfriend. She didn't care about how her actions would effect you and felt that this was something she could keep from you without thinking twice. Now she is turning the tables and making you look like the bad guy because you went through her stuff and called her out on it. She's trying to shift the conversation on your faults and ignore not her's. These are not people you can have relationships with. If you ask them who are the top 3 most important people in their life, #1 would be themselves. If you really really really really really really want this to work out go see a marriage counselor but she has to be willing to go. If she is not and say's you are over reacting, then she's just trying to shift the conversation again. You need someone you can trust as well as a mature person. 2 things she is not. IMHO: Cut your losses. Dump her. You deserve better.
Well she has been lieing to me for three days since she is not home like she told me. She is supposedly at a friends house and has been all weekend. Frankly I am sure she is with her ex but whatever. I am spent and cant fight this any more. If we work something out then whatever. If not I am done, ten years and this is how it turns out? Great.
Hi there! How do you expect to built a relationship with someone, if you don't trust them? As it was mentioned above, trust in a relationship is very important, that includes being able to trust the other person. It sounds like that your relationship with your ex-girlfriend has reached the point of no return. If that is the case, before you enter another relationship, I think it would be good if you could work on your trust issues, and learn how to be able to trust people, especially the ones with whom you want to build long-term relationships with. Well, you do realize that the both of you are responsible. It is not just her or you. You did things and she did things that should not have happened, unless there is an explicit understanding right from the start as to what you two are okay with during the relationship. That said, if you feel that you are through with this relationship, then maybe the best thing would be to go your separate ways. If you can't fight this anymore, then don't.
