My name is Brittany, and I live in a very small town, with closely held religious beliefs. I identify as bisexual, due to my interest still in men, but I very much enjoy the company of strong, independent women. I'm only 16, and I have two years yet of living in this town, and to be honest, I still want to be part of the community. I am a sincere Lutheran, and I still have a belief in God, and I want to break the stereotype that gays cannot believe in God because God hates gays. I can't believe the lies people spout that the God that has delivered me from depression and self mutilation and \ suicide can really hate me for this infinitesimal piece of me. I don't think that, nor will I ever. I play a huge role in my church, as a youth group leader (self defined--not given. Everyone looks up to me whether I want them to or not), as a choir leader, and as a fellow member of the congregation. We have about 50 people that show up regularly on Sundays, and everyone knows me personally, and roots for me to continue spreading God's love. I am out, partially, to most of my friends and my mother. My mother... right now, kind of disregards the fact that I'm bisexual, because she's close minded about it. I mean, how can a person be attracted to BOTH sexes? That's her issue, which, I can't be totally angry about because I had that same issue when I realized who I am. The friends that I have told are being ideal friends, nothing has changed and nothing ever will. They love me and I love them, all around. Before I come out to anyone, I have this spontaneous thought of "Oh my gosh, what if they hate me, what if I lose what great friend they have been so far in my life, all because of this? Am I such a monster?" My next goal of outing myself would be to my Youth Group Leader. She's an amazing person, and she loves me to pieces, as do her children, but she's got that small town farmer kind of thought, and I don't know how to test the waters with a gay reaction. I love her, because she's so outgoing and thoughtful, and she sees so much in me, so much potential, to become a Lutheran Camp Counselor, and to lead. There is a chance, with everyone, that they will react kindly, with love and still keep that admiration, but what she sees in me could very well change with her knowing the fact that I'm gay. I want her to know, and I know you guys can't tell the future, but the youth group is my rock and my foundation to keeping a healthy life, and I don't want it to change, but I just want her to know, because she of all people deserves to know. I want to test the waters, but homosexuality or bisexuality has never come up in any of our discussions, and I think she would get the idea before I could try to reason otherwise. "Oh hey New York is almost about to pass gay marriage, what do you think?" won't work. I can't think of anything subtle to say that would give me an idea. I've tried this question on Yahoo Answers, LGBT board, but all I've gotten was "You're going to hell, and you're pretty stupid thinking God will still love you." Christian answers, or answers not telling me to forget about God please... I've been through enough. Thank you.
I've been in a situation similar to yours, although I was still denying my sexuality, and didn't want anyone to find out. Does your church have a policy of approving of homosexual or bisexual leaders? Nationally, the Lutheran churches seem to be split between the evangelical Lutherans (who approve of homosexual orientation but not homosexual sex activity) and the traditional Lutherans (who do not approve of homosexual orientations at all, and encourage leaders to minister to those who identify as homosexual). If your church's view is more evangelical Lutheran, then there is no harm in simply telling her. You shouldn't be looked down upon, nor should you lose your positions in leadership. I'm only certain of this because your leader wouldn't be in such a role in a church if she believed the opposite of what they teach. If your church's view is more traditional, then you might want to wait and see if you can get a read on your leader's personal beliefs. I don't think she'd have different beliefs than the church if she's a youth leader, but there is a possibility. I realize that not telling her is not really on your list of options, but it might be necessary to keep quiet if you don't want things to change drastically. If you can't not tell her, then I wish you the best of luck, but I don't see a way to guarantee that nothing will change. Also, the idiots on Yahoo! Answers are wrong. I may be an atheist, but when I was Christian I came to an extremely Biblical understanding of homosexuality and it's fully acceptable to be homosexual and Christian.
First and foremost, God loves everyone. When He came to Earth, Jesus hung out not with those whom society viewed as good, but the outcasts. He also spoke against judging people for any reason. I know that you know you need to tell her, but just a reminder that if you are keeping seecrets and don't feel comfortable around her then it will be very hard for you to grow into the amazing leader you could be. Is there anyone who you know is bi/gay? You could ask your youth leader if that is OK, in her opinion. Alternatively, you could start a discussion at school and say that you were wondering about it and need an answer because people look up to you. If you are, understandably, too nervous to do this, see if your friends or mom will for you. When you tell her, it might be an idea to remind her gently that God loves everyone. Find a couple verses that back you up as well as preparing gracious defences against her citing verses that supposedly condemn being gay. As Raeil said, see if you can find out your church's policy on homo/bisexuality. And even if it says it is wrong, remember that this view might not be held by everyone. I don't know much about Lutheran theology, though; my church is CofE. We all believe in the same God, though, and that is the important thing. I really should start taking my own advice; I also want to come out to my youth worker and/or his wife, but I have yet to tell anyone Christian. It is not as critical for me as for you as I don't lead anyone other than the 5-7s once a month (I mostly serve in other ways), but still . . . Anyway. I am really nervous about coming out to either him or her as I once heard her say that being gay was wrong, but I also know they both believe God loves everyone. I have always sounded people out before coming out, yet there seems to be no opportunity to do this in the church setting. I was almost able to in my cell-group last Thursday but the conversation was side-tracked at the last minute. Thank-you for posting as it has made me sort through more of my own situation and realise there are others like me, though I contemplated running away instead of self-harm. That was before I realised I was bi, but I think it might have been a factor and I just didn't know. Lastly, "homosexual Christian" is not an oxymoron; we can still love and be loved by God. Good luck. *hugs*
