I just don't know what to do... I'm a straight girl who is crazy about her bi male best friend. We have everything in common and all people around us don't see why we aren't together. They think we're pretty much married (Noone knows about his feelings for guys..) We know so much about each other... we're very close. A long time ago, just after I found out about his sexuality, he said that if he wasn't bi- I'd be his first choice for a girlfriend? So I suppose he'd made a decision to be with guys? Back in the day he identified as gay and not bi I believe so I figured he was gay-leaning bi and I just let everything be and diluted my craziness to an appropriate level. Friends seemed good. I wanted a relationship with a straight guy. Over the last year though, our inappropriate friendship has involved a lot more physical closeness, and closeness allround... He's kissed me a couple of times and there's been some intimate bed-sharing. Now, I honestly love this guy so much now (I mean... I'd actually take a bullet for him. Scary but true) and as I write this I sort of know my answer maybe?... Um, Should I really let myself get into an even more complicated relationship with him? I just don't know what to do when he kisses me... what if our friendship gets ruined? The most important thing to me right now is- I can't live without him! So, on one hand- I love him this much so I should take a chance right? or Its not worth messing with our friendship so I shouldn't let things happen? Would love someone else's thoughts..... Bi guys, what do you think he's thinking? Straight girls, what would you do in this situation?
Hello there and welcome to EC. While I'm not bi, I may be able to suggest something. Some guys, particularly gay and bi guys can be very flirtatious in a sort of non-straight way and fit in with women much more than usual. Of course, your friend sounds like he appreciates your company and if he's done what he has with you without problems, it sounds like he's definitely interested in you in more than just best friends forever. Maybe you are clearly destined for something more and if you feel you can tell him and that your friendship will remain strong, go for it. Hope everything goes to plan.
So you've got to talk to him, basically you need to confront him. Because if you get in deeper I think you could really be hurt. That whole line of saying if he wasn't bi then you'd be first choice of girlfriend is the big red flag. It does not sound like he's open to a relationship with a girl no matter what he identifies as. Also the fact that he isn't out to anyone else in the world isn't healthy for either of you. You are his only support in that area and beyond talking to you has he done anything at all to explore this aspect of him. And for you, you will always worry that a female is really not who he is attracted to.
I could easily see this happening: If you take the lead and try to go a little further, closer to a real boyfriend & girlfriend relationship, first thing he might say: "What the F%&$ are you doing? You're my best friend!" That is my opinion, please take it with a grain of salt. He might be thinking "I prefer guys!" and not letting his heart speak "I love this girl!". Brains can be some nasty bitches sometimes. Give it time, he will either come around and make a move, or you'll share a great friendship forever--you'll have to move on.
I can't add anything new to this then what's already been said, though just to up the hetro-lady count by one - I'd definitely ask what it's all about, I mean, you clearly love him dearly and you have a great friend in him, but the whole kissing and snuggling thing, it's all reminiscent of a relationship, almost, it's slightly worrying for me; not that's it's bad, I'd suspect he's in some inner turmoil about preferring guys (perhaps) but liking you too, because you are so close to him. I can vouch from personal experience then when you've known and grown up with a guy, who later comes out to you, you do come to realise that you have a slight crush on them, but it's all tangled up with admiration and love for them as a truly close friend. I've managed to unpick and let go that little tread of hope that something more could be between us, as he's certainly gay, and we're very close friends still. We've actually become a lot closer and he's a very touchy guy, always hugging and he now does it a lot more often. I know I sound a little (a lot) incoherent with this response, but I think you should ask him, what he wants out of your friendship, because it's causing you a little angst being on the cusp of "friends" and "relationship". Ideally you'll work something out, be it you both admit that you should be together or, if not, work through why he's treating almost like a girlfriend. I don't think you'll loose your friendship altogether, and by the sounds of it I don't think you will, seeing how close you are, but it's certainly be best if you get this sorted out sooner rather than later Welcome to the EC family by the way, it's great you could join us (*hug*)
