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unsure please help

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by j confused, Jun 23, 2011.

  1. j confused

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    Yo

    I am 20 years old and confused and a male.

    About a month ago i questioned my sexuallity and it really messed with my head i couldnt sleep a night or two just thinking about it. It has calmed down now and i dont think so much about it now but every noiw and then.

    But i feel even thoe it has calmed down i still dont know, some times i will be i am gay then 5 minutes later after i ask my self some questions i will calm myself down. But then it will come back again i have accepted being gay isnt bad but i am still confused.

    Questions i will ask myself

    Have i every wanted to be in a relationship with a guy = no

    Have i every wanted to hook up with a guy or have sex with a guy = no

    Have i ever seen a guy and thought i want to get with him = no

    Do i look at guys and think to my self if they are good looking = yes

    Have i ever watched gay porn or wanted to watch gay porn = no

    my biggest relationship with a girl she was a headcase and over reacted and then the two after that i got fucked over by them both as they had commitment issues.

    I am talking to a girl now but this is really getting in the way and making it hard for me to think if i want her or not i know she is good looking all and have gotten off to her but still some thing in my head keeps me thinking over and over.

    Now i kinda am starting to not be attracted to any gender as this is pissing me off.

    As i said some times i will be like maybe i am gay and then just think i dont think iam and it goes back and forth and i want to solve it.
     
  2. Lexington

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    Welcome to EC!

    If I'm reading your post correctly, the only hints that you might be gay are "you've looked at other guys and thought (impassively) that they're good-looking" and you're not overly interested in women right now. You've never had sexual thoughts about a guy, you don't look at gay porn, having sex with a guy and/or getting into a relationship with a guy doesn't interest you. Given that, I don't get any sense that you're gay (or bi) at all.

    I've looked at women and thought they were good looking. My partner and I go to burlesque shows, which are mainly women taking their clothes off. And some of the women there are down-right stunning. But nothing's happening south of the equator, if you catch my drift. :slight_smile: I don't get horny thinking about them. It's like looking at a beautiful painting or sunset. I can appreciate the attractiveness, but without any sexual content.

    If you think your issues with your previous girlfriends is causing problems, you might look into seeing somebody about it. And you might let this current girlfriend know. "My last couple of relationships didn't end well, so I might be a bit gun shy about starting a new one. It might take me some time to get used to the idea."

    Lex
     
  3. j confused

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    thanks for your reply.

    Some times i think would it just be easyier to say i am gay but then if i did i dont think i would believe it. One moment i will be like i am gay and then for a long period i will be like na and wont question it then that doubt comes back in.

    I think about having sex with a guy and hooking up with one just to see if i would like it and it kinda freaks me out. When every i get drunk i want to hook up with girls and if i have ever dreamed of having sex or hooking up in my dreams it has been with girls.

    I am starting to think that thinking about this so much is getting in the way. I went on a date with a girl friday had fun and even kissed her at the end. I always think if she likes me and want to know if she does. I wake up hoping she has messaged me and all that and drunk call her all the time haha. But i am scared what if i dont like girls and i end up dating her and have to break it off ?

    I also forgot to say after my first girl friend of 2 years i have had trouble getting it up the 1st or 2nd time with every girl i saw after that till i trusted her but that was due to perfomance anxcity, i dunno weather this is also making it hard for me to make my mind up.

    I am just so confused cause i see alot of people saying are you sexually atracted to a man but yet i have never been around a guy and got hard and only got hard while watching straight porn until a few days ago when i watched some gay porn and kinda got hard but i dunno weather its just cause i like the actually sex its self. I dont know how i would go doing it in real life with a guy. I play footy and i am in a change room after every game where guys have showers and get changed i have never got hard on thought sexually thoughts while being in there. Curiuos to look around but that would probs just be to compare myself to them

    I dont really want to be gay not because what other people would think more just i would like to date girls more than guys to make myself happy. But yet the minds games keep going i just want them over

    But it's confusing cause when i have read coming out stories people have always said they were atracted to guys from a young age, but they still went for girls. But i dont see how it can all change for me one day and put my world up side down and bring me all this confusion.