1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Unhealthy one-sided relationship

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by zzzero, Jun 23, 2011.

  1. zzzero

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Nov 15, 2009
    Messages:
    779
    Likes Received:
    7
    Location:
    Boston
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    So, I have this friend (S) who is a straight early-20s female. She met this guy in college who she has been head-over-heels for since she met him. They became friends and hung out all the time, then they hooked up a few times, only solidifying her feelings for him. Unfortunately the feelings were not mutual, so this guy was just in it for the fun of having sex with her. Now that's where you normally would see this relationship between these two people ending, but that's not the case here.

    He knows that she is into him, a lot. Yet he continues to talk dirty to her on facebook chat, sext's her, just basically uses her to get off whenver he wants to because she'll do anything he wants her to. In most cases, she's drunk when this happens, and I wouldn't be surprised if she initiated some of it too.

    You might be saying, there's nothing wrong with that, she can do as she wishes. I'd agree with you, except for she makes all of her friends deal with the situation. She'll do these things with him, then text one of us, asking things like, do you think i'll ever find true love? maybe i'm just not good enough for someone to love me? stuff like that.

    It's awkward, and though all of us want to help, she refuses to take our advice.

    She had her friend H come and visit her at school. Well the guy developped a crush on H and S got VERY mad at her. As if H had anything to do with the fact that he had a crush on her. H did not feel the same way about him, nothing would have ever happened, but S yelled at her and almost ended their friendship because of it.

    It seems incredibly unhealthy for her to be so in love with someone who just doesn't feel the same way back. I want the best for her, I just want her to find someone she can be happy with. She's always complaining about how she can never find anyone but she puts her standards so high, and I know it's because she doesn't want to date just anyone, she wants to date this guy. By putting her standards high she can ignore everyone else while still waiting for this guy, who is never going to come around and love her because they've been doing all this sexual stuff for years. If he was going to fall in love with her, he would have fallen for her already. They even lived together for a short time!

    So what do I do? How can I help my friend get over this guy?
     
  2. Lexington

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Dec 20, 2007
    Messages:
    11,409
    Likes Received:
    11
    Location:
    Colorado
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    You can't.

    It sounds like you've made it clear to her. And when she brings it up again, you can just reiterate your advice. "He's made it pretty clear that he likes you when he's horny, but he's not really interested in anything beyond that. You can sit around waiting for him to change his mind, but I'm pretty sure he won't." Then change the subject. This may keep her from talking about it to you, but it almost certainly won't keep her from being besmitten with this guy. Chances are she'll stick with being on his horny call phone list, and keep waiting for him to "recognize that he loves me too". Really nothing you can do about that.

    Lex