So here’s what’s up. I grew up in a Christian home, was chaplain of my class for 2 years, did door to door evangelism one summer as a teenager, and was actually chaplain of my Christian high school my senior year. A few months ago I realized I wanted to have sex with a guy. I don’t have a problem with that. In fact quite the opposite, it felt kind of exciting to admit it too myself, and I felt kind of kinky thinking it. Even before I realized I might like to try a guy I had had a few sexual fantasies about guys, and a few where I had a boyfriend. This is where the trouble started. I keep wondering if I’m almost pushing myself in that direction because I can’t see myself being happy with a women. I think girls are pretty, especially boobs, although I realized recently I think vaginas are kind of gross looking. I’m 24 and have been with 3 women. My first time was when I was 19 and I remember thinking that I didn’t want what I had with that girl to last, but I didn’t want it to end, and whenever I was around her I didn’t feel right unless I was touching her, and I defiantly pushed things forward physically, but my last girlfriend a few years really bored me. I can still remember this one long make out session we had, that I only really enjoyed because of how into it she got. I remember complaining to a friend that all she wanted to do was have sex. I wanted to hold her and watch movies or talk. Sometimes I day dream about having a boyfriend, and some times it seems right but I’m not really sure. The thing is I am not like other stories I read about. When I was younger I had an easy time fantasizing about girls, and I noticed a guy’s chest once or twice and once quickly shut some gay porn I accidently found on the internet and told myself that all guys are a little curious, but nothing like other stories of gays in denial that you might read about. When I was in puberty though I didn’t have all the tumultuous sexual feelings other people report, and every since I thought I might like guys I have been masturbating like crazy. My dick kind of hurts. I really need to stop rubbing it. As you can see, I am pretty confused, and getting frustrated with it. I’m not sure how I feel about girls or guys at this point, I have thought myself around in dizzy circles. I’m not sure how much of anything I used to feel means anyways, if you read the second sentence of this post you’ll know that I was a pretty crazy sexually repressed and overprotected teenager. I am thinking about going to a gay bar and looking for someone to experiment with, but I want to lose a little more weight dieting to get some confidence. And second to the unwritten "What The F!!!" question under this whole spiel, would a gay guy even be interested in me if I was honest about what’s up with me.
It sounds like you're a bisexual, which is perfectly fine. To answer the last question though, yes, I'm sure there probably is someone out there that would be willing to experiment with you and stuff, but be safe.
