I need some help figuring out exactly who I am here. When I was little I had no idea what bi-sexualuality was. But I knew that I liked women. I didn’t understand it and felt it to be dirty, and I told myself that it wasn’t natural. So I liked boys, only boys, and I went out of my way to show people I liked them. Since I liked boys I thought there was no way I could like girls since I only knew that you liked one or the other, not both. When I got into high school and I started to understand every side to sexuality I was confident that I was bi-sexual since I dated boys but liked girls. To be honest, I never really liked the boys I dated; I just dated them because they wanted to date me. It didn’t matter what they looked like or their personality I just dated them because I thought that I should like to. When I thought about sex with boys I felt uncomfortable, but when I thought about sex with women I didn’t. When I finally lost my virginity I felt nothing. I don’t know if it’s because I didn’t love the guy or if it’s because I’m actually a lesbian. If the story ended here I’m pretty sure I would think that, but I’m currently in a relationship with a boy who I actually enjoy spending time with, and I even sometimes look forward to getting intimate with him. We’ve been dating for 7 months now. However, every now and then I feel like I’m lying to him or I’ve made the wrong choice. Before I dated my current boyfriend I came out to my mother and brother that I was a lesbian. To be completely honest I was afraid of how people would think of me so I decided that I would date my current boyfriend and knock my coming out as being a phase. It’s strange because there are days where I feel like I’ve made the right choice and days where I feel like I should break it off with him and just date women from now on. But I’ve changed over the past few years, I used to be cold in regards to relationships but I actually really care about him but I’m pretty sure it isn’t in an intimate way since I’m still having that problem with the sex issue. Could I actually be a lesbian? Or am I bi-sexual (since I’ve confirmed I still like women) but I just didn’t like the boys I dated until now? I’m seriously confused here. Help?
Hey KittyKat05, welcome to EC! You've come to the right place, everyone here is super friendly and I know it's helped me figure a lot of stuff out. Sexuality is a spectrum. From what you've said, it sounds like you're a Kinsey 4.5 or 5-ish, which means that you're mostly attracted to girls but sometimes feel attracted to boys. It doesn't really matter what you are as long as you pay attention to the way you feel and don't force yourself into something you don't want to do. If you feel like you'd be more comfortable in a relationship with a woman, maybe your current relationship isn't what's best for you. Good luck figuring everything out! (*hug*)
Hey welcome to EC. From what you have said in your post I think it is probably likely that you are more of a lesbian, perhaps with certain male exception, it is possible to have a stong connection with a guy and still be gay. Its possible that you love him in a friendly kind of way but not in a sexual way, being gay doesnt mean you have to be repulsed by the opposite sex. Working out your sexuality can be a confusing process not helped by the stereotypes and pressure that society puts on us. It is quite possible that sometimes you feel like you have made the right choice as it is what you think other people are more comfortable with, almost like its easier if I date a guy everyone is happy, and that maybe true but probably for one exception and that is you. Thats not to say for certain that you're gay thats just the feeling I get from your post. I didnt realise my sexuality till late on, I always thought I was straight as I hadnt really considered anything else, for years I really wanted a boyfriend but now I look back I know that wasnt because I was attracted to or fancied any guys it was because I wanted to fit in and I want to feel what all the other girls felt when they fancied a guy or had a boyfriend.
Sorry to be late jumping on the train here, but I'm new, so, hi! One of my friends actually had a similar issue. It might just be that you're predominantly attracted to females, but it may take that one special guy for you to feel attraction toward him. I thought I was pretty confident with my sexuality until I met one guy who I completely fell for, and I realized I was completely attracted with me. Now, I'm pretty comfortable with telling people I'm bisexual, if they ask. However, sexuality is a spectrum, so I wouldn't worry about labeling yourself. At the end of the day, we are all people. It may take you some time to figure this out, but I'd say enjoy the journey! You should feel proud that you are taking these steps to question your sexuality and ask yourself some hard questions that some might not have the courage to. As the second poster previously said, it really isn't fair to yourself to stay in a situation you aren't happy in. If you honestly would feel more comfortable dating women, then give it a try and see what happens! At the end of the day, you're left with who you are and how you feel, so don't be afraid to explore that. I feel like I'm still figuring stuff out today; you'll never truly have all the answers. Best of luck to you!!
Remember, that you shouldn't be trying to figure your sexuality out so you can put a label on it and be done with it, you should be doing it to find out what your comfortable with. Maybe (if it doesn't work out with the boy you're dating) you should try to date a girl, to see what it's like. Since you have a clear attraction to women, you could benefit from dating one. Remember, labels aren't as important as being with someone who makes you happy, and you don't have to knock your lesbianism as a phase. Your sexuality is for you and you alone, and any spectators aren't obligated to get a clear cut answer from you. Best of luck! And if you ever need anyone to talk to, the friendly users of EC are here for ya, including myself.
