I recently came out to a few close friends of mine, telling them that I was bisexual. On the whole they were extremely supportive! My closest friend merely laughed when I told her and said it was obvious the way I was gushing about a particular guy (even though I didn't think I was). I was feeling really comfortable with my sexuality, and wasn't really afraid to hide those, well, feminine feelings I felt sometimes. This all changed when I came home from college- I feel like it kind of brought me down to earth. I tried to tell my mother, but as soon as I told her I thought I might be interested in guys as well as girls, she told me that was impossible...when I told her that I'm bisexual, she said that bisexualism doesn't exist, and furthermore, that I was "choosing a dangerous path for myself". She asked me, "if you have the power to choose, why not just be straight and make life easier for yourself?" I then told my cousin about this conversation and she was completely outraged that I had told my mother. She proceeded to interrogate me, asking "how I knew I was bisexual" and demanding that I prove it to her. She noted that she asked "thousands of gays and lesbians" and that they said it's impossible for a male to be truly bisexual. I'm just really hurt at the moment, and shocked. It's so strange to come from an environment where everyone is so encouraging and supportive to one where I feel like I have to hide myself and not be honest with people for fear of rejection. And I just feel lonely because I have no one to talk to about it. Therefore, I hope I came to the right place! Any advice would be appreciated! Thank you so much!
I don't usually post too much since I feel like I'm too stuck myself to give any advice, but I feel like I can relate some to your situation. Most of my close friends and people from college have been accepting when I've told them and it was awesome, but it was like some kind of rude awakening when I came back home this summer. I actually just told my mom last week since I've been pretty stressed out about it in general and felt that I needed her to know if I was ever going to get more comfortable with myself. She was more accepting of it than I'd thought she'd be but she of course asked the whole "why not just stick with girls since it would be easier" thing. She even said, "at least it's just bisexual" hehe. It does hurt some but I know she just wants what's best for me in the way that she understands. She doesn't, and can't really understand that you can't just choose one way and turn off emotions and feelings for people. Sure you can choose if you act on them, but if you fall for some guy who's perfect, do you want to not act on it and possibly miss an opportunity to be happy yourself, in order to keep some some other people in society happy. As for the comment about guys not being able to be truly bisexual, that's just ridiculous of course. I know that some gay people think bisexuality doesn't exist, one guy told me so himself, especially since bisexual if often a stepping stone in coming out, but a lot do recognize it. And as a bisexual guy myself I can pretty much say we exist. You don't have to prove it to anybody. If your cousin is unsupportive let her believe what she wants and just show her the truth by living your life and knowing you have friends that do support you.
Sigh. OK, point by point. >>>when I told her that I'm bisexual, she said that bisexualism doesn't exist. Why do straight people know so much more about alternate sexualities than we do? >>>I was "choosing a dangerous path for myself". "I don't consider the path to be dangerous, myself. There may be pitfalls exclusive to being bisexual, but I think there's probably pitfalls that are exclusive to being any sexuality. Even so, I didn't choose this path. I found myself on this path. I didn't decide to be attracted to both men and women. I AM attracted to both men and women." >>>She asked me, "if you have the power to choose, why not just be straight and make life easier for yourself?" "This isn't how it works. We're attracted to who we're attracted to. It doesn't mean I find all men and women attractive in the same way, or at the same time. It just means the people I'm attracted to can be both male and female. And I don't see the need to ignore my attraction to men in the hopes that it'll make my life easier." >>>She proceeded to interrogate me, "how I knew I was bisexual" and demanding that I prove it to her. "Well, how you want to do this? I could pull up some naked guys and girls on my laptop, and jerk off to both, and you can see how hard I stay through both of them. Or I could find a willing guy and a willing girl, and have sex with both. Up to you." >>>She noted that she asked "thousands of gays and lesbians" and that they said it's impossible for a male to be truly bisexual. Again, the straight people who know more about alternate sexualities than we do. Nice to know she took the time to ask thousands of gays and lesbians these questions. Amazing she had time for classes, come to think of it. I know plenty of bisexuals. Some lean one way, some lean the other, some drift a lot within the spectrum, and some are situated pretty close to dead center. And that's just how they are. If your mother or cousin want to pretend these people don't exist, that's their concern. Also know that they're still processing. You've had years to come to grips with your sexuality. They've had...what? A couple of days? You may have had some of these same questions yourself when you were first finding out. ("Maybe if I just stuck with girls...") So give them time to adjust. Lex
Thanks Lex! I guess I was so worried about finding their approval that I let it get to me too much. I'm really happy with where I am right now and I guess what you're saying is, that shouldn't get me down. It just really hurts when you know your own mother thinks that bisexualism doesn't exist, and even more when you feel like you have to "prove it" to others. It seems strange that people won't just let me be and let me enjoy this journey, even if it's taken me a while to get here. Your answers to her first questions are exactly what I'm thinking....I really don't care if it'll make my life easier or make me "socially acceptable", because I feel like if I pretended to be straight I'd be closing the world off from a whole part of me, you know? But thank you so much...I guess I'll just give it time. Moral of the story- be who you are and don't feel like you have to prove yourself to anyone (?)
I agree. You don't have to proof anything to anyone but yourself. Live your life the way you want and feel is good for you.
