I thought i was okay with being gay and that i had accepted myself for sure. But now i just dont know. I think of how my life will be in the future and i feel like i wont be as happy as i wish. Being home is kind of sad sometimes because people just like to say their homophobic comments. I thought that i was happier now but i dont know anymore. Just like many, i feel that after those hurtful comments i wont be accepted. when i came to the realization and acceptance of being gay back in september 2010 i thought i could easily come out because my mom would say stuff like if she had a gay child she would accept them and wat not. and i rarely heard homophobic comments. i even told my important friends. But now that i unwillingly led my family to believe that my best friend is my gf they wont stop with the homophobic comments. and she says that if her child was gay she will feel like a failure as a mother and disappointment and embarrassment to tell anyone. Now after all that i feel like i need to go back in the closet. On new years eve i said i had 2 resolutions to do. Lose weight and come out. They are both important and so far i havent done anything. im trying for the weight part but the come out idk anymore... This was random. I just feel bad now and just thinking about evrything has made me feel like this. I dont really know why im posting this. maybe some advice. ugh i feel like.. "fml" right now :bang:
(*hug*) I know EXACTLY what you mean by this. My grandparents are probably the most gay hating people I've ever seen- think Westboro Baptist church status. And every time a holiday rolls around, I dread the feeling I'm going to get when I hear my tiny little grandma say the most awful things. It seems like you're confused by you're mother's conflicting comments, and my guess is that she probably is too. See, if she doesn't know for sure that you're gay, she doesn't understand that she's making you feel bad. And if there's a chance she suspects it, she might get a little overzealous with the comments because she could feel uncomfortable. Maybe, because she thinks you have a girlfriend, she thinks it's okay to say that stuff now. My advice would be to tell her and your family that homophobic comments make you feel uncomfortable. You don't have to come out to anyone, but you can still state your feelings.
yea its annoying.. and telling them that i feel uncomfortable with those comments will just make them suspect im gay because i think they have felt it before. uugh im confusing.. smh -_-
You aren't confusing, I understand. In my case, I had to cut ties with most of my family. It was really sad for me, but I knew that my relationship with my family as a whole wasn't healthy. Now...I feel better. So, so, so much better. I'm not saying that what I did is good for everyone, but maybe getting out on your own more would be a good thing. See new people, go new places, even if it's just across town. A feeling of independence can create a sense of freedom.
well thanks.. i guess that would be an option. i always said that if anyone wasnt okay with it then i would just forget about them. Because i dont need that kind of people in my life and i would be happier without em... yea i really wanna get out from my family for more than a day. maybe it would help. thanks
Is it possible that your mother may have been saying these kind of comments out loud and not actually meaning it? Maybe it's insecurities that some parents have and worry about and perhaps in this instance, your mother is uncertain about her feelings on the subject and is probably just thinking out loud. Even if she is homophobic, there is a possibility that her views could change if someone close to her admitted that they were gay. I think Daryn is right though. At the very least, you could explain that you're uncomfortable with hearing LGBT individuals being bashed and without having to come out, say that it's because that attacking a minority without a preconception of them in the first place is just uncalled for.
