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still with the confusion...

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by katiecato, Jun 28, 2011.

  1. katiecato

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    So, I've been questioning my sexuality for a while now, and I feel as though I'm not really getting anywhere. I never really thought about my sexuality too much, just assumed I was straight, with maybe slightly leaning towards liking girls a little. I wasn't dating, so I just didn't worrying about it too much; put it in the vault for future me to worry about. But once I decided to start dating guys, I just couldn't do it and found myself really uninterested. Yeah, flirting was nice, but actually being in a relationship didn't appeal to me.

    Then the question, 'could I be gay?' entered my mind and I haven't been able to get it out of my head. I started doing research and now most of my online activities consist of me looking at lesbian websites (not porn all the time, lol, just sites with news on queer based issues) and then watching adamantly all movies and reading the books that are recommended. But the more I read about everything, the more confused I get.

    I want to know how to go about getting this "experience" that everyone keeps telling confused people to get. How do I open up to people about what's happening? Should I try dating a girl or a guy? Honestly, I can't get girls out of my head, but sometimes I get flashes of feelings for guys. But then with all the reading I'm doing, I am strongly identifying with the lesbian community and maybe that's why.

    I just wish I had a definite answer and all this confusion is making me feel like I am stuck. Who do I talk to about this? I feel as though I am in between two worlds with no one to talk to. Also, how does one begin to "experiment" because I can't even begin to imagine trying to ask a girl out in real life, only in my dreams.

    Sorry about all the rambling questions, I'm just so tired of being stuck in my head all the time.
     
  2. acd92

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    Well, I'm glad you got all of this out! I would honestly just say take your time. The journey of discovery, "soul-searching", as many would call it really can take time! Sometimes that definite answer that you're looking for may not always be right there, sometimes you have to wait it out or look for it. The key- take your time. Although I know it can be terribly confusing! It took me four years to figure out my bisexuality, accept it, and be okay enough with it to want other people to know about it too. You said you tried dating guys and found yourself uninterested, I would try asking a girl out sometime. It can be something as casual as, "hey, do you want to go see this new movie that just came out?" Basically, anything that will put you in the dating scene without any of the dating pressure, if that makes sense.

    I must congratulate you on being so brave to really question yourself, even though I know it can be really hard and confusing sometimes. I hope you know that everyone is really here to help and listen. Please let me know if there's anything else I can do! :slight_smile:
     
  3. Daryn

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    Why are there eggs scrambling in the street?
    I think a lot of people hear you on that one. But the truth is, there is no test. There is no checklist. Trust me when I say that sometimes figuring out your sexuality takes a long time; it's not always so clear-cut. The thing is that people in the LGBTQ community come in all shapes, sizes, lifestyles and have all kinds of different habits and personalities- just like straight people. Try to ignore stereotypes- it sounds to me like you feel conflicted about where you do and don't belong because you are thinking about it so much. All that matters is what you feel inside. Trust me, it will eventually make sense and you won't feel out of place.
     
    #3 Daryn, Jun 29, 2011
    Last edited: Jun 29, 2011
  4. silverhalo

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    There are a couple of answers I can give for certain.

    "Who do I talk to?" Us, anyone here on EC will be more than happy to talk to you and answer your questions, when you get more confident/comfortable maybe your friends or family.

    You are not alone and sound like you are in a position similar to where I was not so long ago. I think before you start to experiment just try and get a bit more comfortable and then you will see it will all become easier a step at a time.