Hi everyone, my first post here I've reached the point where I think I want to come out to my parents. I identify as bisexual. I'm still living at home as I'm taking a gap year. I am not expecting a warm reaction to the news, both my parents are not comfortable with homosexuality, my dad from a religious aspect. My mother actually thinks it's disgusting to the extent where a gay kiss on tv will have her averting her eyes from the screen. I'm incredibly worried at what their reaction will be. I actually think my mother might suspect something, she just seems to be asking a lot of questions at the moments like "what type of man do you go for?" "what do you think of this actor?" etc. I have been avoiding answering because I feel if I do she will breathe an internal sigh of relief that her daughter likes men. Only thing is I also like women, and I tend to feel more strongly towards them. But I figure their views don't stand a chance of changing unless they actually know about me. I'm worried about the consequences of telling them but at the same time I just feel like I can't be my true self. I was in a (secret to my parents) relationship with a girl, it didn't work out (for other reasons) so it never got to the stage of telling my parents because I wanted to wait until it was more serious. But it made me realise that I don't want to be forced to have to avoid relationships or have them in secret or deny my same sex attraction because of what my parents think. I imagine coming out to them face to face would end up with me in a blubbering mess, either from my emotions or from their reactions. I was thinking of writing a coming out letter to "argue my case" as such when I am too overcome to defend myself/enlighten my parents. I was also wondering if anybody could suggest any helpful books I could give to my parents after I've told them, non-fiction, fiction or autobiographical, anything that addresses the kind of things they may be thinking. I'd be especially interested in anything addressing religious issues and also bisexuality as I think my parents may struggle with the concept that a person can be something other than straight or gay. I don't intend to rush my coming out to them, I'm not one for the whole "sit down I need to tell you something" talk. Ideally I'd like the topic to arise naturally in conversation at some point. But I'd like to be prepared for when I feel the time is right. Thanks
well there's this documentary i heard about called "For the Bible Tells Me So" basically showing people that homosexuality and religiousness CAN coenside peacefully, and that it's silly to be hateful of it. i don't know where to buy it, but i'm pretty sure it's on youtube. Warning: some people think that there's no such thing as bisexuality, and i hear that is most frustrating, but just be calm and try to explain it without yelling, because they'll get defensive, and it'll just become a shouting match -_- (that's happened to me when i came out to my mom...). remember, they may not accept you right away, but please don't despair, because they're your parents, and if they love you WHICH they do, than they'll accept you one day. just keep reminding them that being a good daughter is much more important than being bi. good luck! ALSO, there's this AMAZING book about coming out and being gay and the religeous drama behind it; it's called Sing You Home by Jodi Picoult, and it's ABSOLUTLY AMAZING, SHE IS A GENIUS. i reccomend that you show it to your parents, but if they don't read it, you should, because it's simply fabulous. seriously. i cannot sing the praises of this book enough. GENIUSNESS.
Thanks for the suggestions I've read Jodi Picoult before but haven't heard of that title, I shall have a look for it. And I might have a trawl through the internet for that documentary
First of, welcome to EC! You are actually completely right about this. Most people are homophobic only because they simply don't know better and once they start realizing that gay people are just like everyone else, and that they can love someone that is gay so much, then all that they have heard about it before starts crumbling. Some parents take longer than others, but most eventually come around. Being prepared to come out is a very smart idea since the more prepared you are the better you can handle it. Just remember that things never go according to plan, so don't fret too much if something happens that you aren't prepare for. Here are some resources that you might find useful Now That You Know - I actually bought this books for my mom when I came out to her. Its pretty good book, but my mom did say that it focuses on only understanding the kids and not too much on the parent. Funny enough she still hasn't finished it (1 year after I bought it) She says that most of the stories make her cry so she has to stop after a while. I read it and really liked it. Straight Parents, Gay Children - I haven't read it myself, but I know of a couple of friends that really like it and they gave it to their parents. I will say that your best resource might be PFLAG. They are an outstanding organization and they have tons of resources on their webpage. It took my mom a while, but she recently went to the meetings and she absolutely loves them. I also just figured out that they have a site with recommended books to come out! There is also a lot of resources here on EC that sometimes go unnoticed, but they have tons of information that can help you And like it was mentioned above, I really recommend For The Bible Tells Me So. Its an amazing documentary. Phew, long enough of a post! Best of luck coming out to your parents!
