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Hello, I'm new & hoping this is a good place for me!

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Katelynn, Jun 29, 2011.

  1. Katelynn

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    Hello everyone, my name, at least the one that I have chosen for myself, is Kiersten & I am a transgender woman. While I was little, I just always enjoyed playing with dolls & playing with other little girls & I identified myself as female. My younger sister & I would play dress up & I felt totally normal wearing panties & a dress. My parents even humoured it a little bit when I was really young. It wasn't until I was about 8 or 9 until I realized I wasn't like all the other girls.

    I was heartbroken while I came to the realization that I was essentially born wrong. I would go on to spend most of my life hating myself, feeling guilty for secretly wanting to dress the way I felt (especially guilty when my mum would catch me), wishing for death & praying each night when I was in high school that I would go to sleep & wake up with the right body & everyone just magically acknowledging it like I had always been female outwardly.

    I spent most of my twenties even more confused about my sexuality. I had my first sexual encounter at 19 & I have only ever been with women, but in my second year of university brought my first crush on a boy...who was gay. It freaked me out &, after much stress & depression, I decided to drop a few hints & flirt with him. He did not even notice me, which really upset me. After that, I've never really been attracted to guys. This has me really confused, because I'm not sure what I am. I KNOW I'm a girl, but am I gay, bisexual, technically straight because I am a girl or whatever? What's worse is I feel much younger than I actually am, making me feel immature when I have a crush someone younger than me. This has been a huge amount of stress & depression for me too.

    I finally, this week, have made a decision about my gender identity & what to do. I am definitely female. I have started wearing a brassiere every day, I have started to wear my long hair in a feminine ponytail instead of a gender-neutral one & generally trying to present my body language in a more feminine manner (walking, sitting, etc). I have also definitively decided that I need to find a therapist & start the process to fully transition to my true gender. In the last week, I have felt MUCH better about myself & I feel as if some weight has been lifted. But I still have a way to go...

    In the last couple days, I have wanted to come out to a former co-worker of mine, who I am still friendly with. She is openly bisexual & we have gotten along pretty well. I'm also have a straight female friend that I have considered coming out to as well. I am also living with my parents as I had to move out of my own home for financial reasons. The last three years have been especially rough & are probably responsible for my decisions now. I am terrified of how they will react when they eventually find out that I'm a girl & that I might be gay too...

    In short, I really am hoping to find some support, advice & maybe even a little bit of love to help me through what I think is going to be a really difficult time for me...

    Thanx everybody in advance for not judging me & for any support! :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:(&&&)
     
  2. BradThePug

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    Location:
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    Gender:
    Male (trans*)
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Some people
    Welcome to EC:smilewave

    I know that this forum has helped me, so I know it can help you too.
     
  3. Katelynn

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    Thank you sooo much! I live in an area rather hostile towards people like me, so I think that this place will be a big help for me!
     
  4. ChocolateForLif

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    Gender:
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    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    A few people
    Cool, I joined today also :slight_smile:
     
  5. Katelynn

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    At least I'm not the only new one today! :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes: Hope I will get a chance to chat with everybody too!
     
  6. GlindaRose

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    Location:
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    Gender:
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    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Other
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Welcome to EC! Rest assured no one will be hostile towards you here. :slight_smile:
     
  7. Katelynn

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    Thank you so much! So far, it's been nice just to be me! (!)
     
  8. bookworm43

    bookworm43 Guest

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    this is an awesome site, because a lot of people can offer advice to you and you can be yourself. if you ever need anything, i'm here :slight_smile:
     
  9. Katelynn

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    Thanks so much bookworm43. There are quite a few questions I do have right now, but I'm trying not to overwhelm myself & others by asking too many all at once! For now, I think I'll just stick to the site & try & be myself! So far since, I've signed up, everyone has been sooo nice & understanding. I found it to be a HUGE relief to just type the words 'I am a girl' and not have anyone say anything negative! Hugs to everyone who's been awesome so far!
     
  10. GlindaRose

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    Location:
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    Gender:
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    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Other
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Hugs to you too, (*hug*)
     
  11. Katelynn

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    Thanks sooo much heatqueen! BTW, Sailor Moon didn't make me gay, but she certainly doesn't hurt! I was always more of a Sailor Mercury & Sailor Venus fan myself! LOL!

    (I'm still trying to adjust to identifying myself as both a girl & being gay, & I don't mean to offend anyone when I say that I am, it's all very weird to me & makes sense at the same time. aarghh!!!)