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Awkward situation with my brother

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Mark182, Jun 30, 2011.

  1. Mark182

    Mark182 Guest

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    Ok so I'm not out to any of my family, just to a couple of friends.
    On Saturday night I was in a really weird mood and I felt the need to write down everything that was going on in my head, most of this had to do with being gay. I wrote it in my room,which I share with my 17 year old brother, he wasn't there at the time.
    My friend came round to my house so I went down to talk to him and completely forgot about what I had been writing.
    So later that night I went upstairs to go to sleep and saw my notebook left open on my bed where I had left it. I started panicking because my brother had gone up to our room hours before me and he was now fast asleep. I spent all night trying to convince myself that he probably hadn't seen it.
    When I got up on Sunday he had already gone to a friends house and he ended up staying the night there and on Monday we went to our grandparents all day and he seemed normal , just a bit quiet so I was sure he hadn't seen it.
    On Tuesday I had a big fight with a friend of mine so when I came home I was pretty upset and it was kinda obvious that I had been crying. He followed me up yo our room and asked if I was ok and stuff but I kept saying that I was fine. Then he said 'You know you can talk to me about anything, even if you think I that I won't understand, like I mightn't understand but I can always listen' He was obviously really uncomfotable and I was really shocked because he's just not that kind of guy, like we are really close but like...he just doesn't say things like that ya know?..
    I didn't say anything but he was sitting there really expectantly.I eventaully just said that ' I know I can but I've nothing to talk about' He just stared at me for ages, then eventually said 'fine' but he looked really dissapointed.
    Since then he keeps telling me how much he loves me and he keeps asking if I'm ok and he keeps wanting to do things together - all of this is really out of character!
    It's so awkward because I know for sure that he knows and he knows that I know that he knows, so it's like he's just giving me opportunities to tell him...which would be great if I could tell him but I am so not ready to tell him. I'm just coming to terms with it myself, the only reason I told a couple friends was because 1) I knew it would be fine with them because both have gay family members 2) I just really needed to talk to somebody about it and they are my best friends.
    If I tell my brother it will just become too real and I can't deal with it being that real yet, if that makes any sense?!
    Also once I tell him I know he won't understand why I don't want the rest of my family to know.I know they'll all be ok with it but I'm just not ready and he'll never understand that and he'll just pressure me into telling people, even though he won't mean to do it.

    Am I going to just have to deal with it and tell him I'm gay or does anybody have any idea how I could buy myself more time :bang:
     
  2. Ecap1

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    Awkward yeah, but not in a bad way. I understand that you might not want to tell your family yet because that would make it official/real, but your brother is basically throwing himself at you and showing you that he's trustworthy and A LOT of other gay/bi kids in your situation would kill for that chance. I understand you might not wanna tell him yet but if you don't he might feel like you don't trust him and hurt his feelings. You don't want to do that since he looks like he'd be a great part of your support network. So, I'm saying I think you should tell him, but if you're really not comfortable I guess you can just keep putting it off and maybe he'll forget about it
     
  3. ArcaneVerse

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    If you dont want to come out to him or anyone else then dont. seriously.

    Instead what you can do the next time your brother decides to give you another opportunity to open up to him is say "I understand and appreciate what your trying to do but I'm not ready to talk about it" or "I understand and appreciate what your trying to do and when I'm ready ill come to you.".

    It is a semi coming out I guess but you both know what's going on but its just not being said, this just gives you the space you need while acknowledging what he is trying to do for you.
     
  4. EM68

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    It sounds to me like he read your writing and knows. He is also trying to grasp this like you are. I would just tell him that you are not ready to talk about it yet because you are trying to sort this out yourself. Sounds like you have a caring brother. When you are ready, talk to him, but only at your own time frame.
     
  5. 12tonowhere

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    This is a pretty awkward situation, he is obviously concerned. What did you actually write he may be more concerned with the way you are feeling about it and worried. I believe also if you are unable to reassure him your okay he may tell your parents, its what i would do. It's out there and he could be a good support its what big brothers are for. On the otherhand what kinda stuff is he trying to get you to do? He isn't trying to make you less gay? This would be a game changer!
     
  6. I'm gonna agree with ArcaneVerse on this one. If he says anything leading, just say "Hey, look, I'm really glad I can talk to you, and I will, but I'm not ready to talk about this right now."

    But also, like others said, it's really cool that you have such a supportive big brother who's worried about you. :slight_smile:
     
  7. Mark182

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    What I wrote was mostly about being really scared that other people would find out ans stuff like that.I hadn't thought of the fact that he might tell my parents, he would and has told my mom when I've been upset about stuff in the past :icon_sad:
    ...I just hope he hasn't already told her. No he's not trying to make me less gay, it's all stuff that we always do together, we just never do it as much as he's trying to do it now.

    I think that's a good idea, I'm just not sure if he'll accept that and actualy drop it...I dunno,I think I'll try that out next time he asks!

    Thanks for the replies! :slight_smile:
     
  8. Mark182

    Mark182 Guest

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    Incase anyone cares how it went lol

    We went to the movies yesterday and when we were walking home we had this conversation.

    Him: Well you're not stupid so I pressume you've realised that I read that thing you wrote.
    Me: Ya I figured
    Him: So then you're gay
    Me: Um ok look, I wish you hadn't seen that thing.I'm really not ready to talk about it.
    Him: Why not? I'm fine with it!
    Me: I know and that means so much to me.I'm just not ready to talk about it.
    Him: but if I already know then how is it weird for you? Am I just ment to forget that I know?
    Me: It just is. When I'm ready to talk about it I'll come talk to you.
    Him:...are you unhappy?
    Me: well sort of, but not much more than most 15 year olds I know
    Him: honestly?
    Me: I'm fine I promise.
    Him: I really don't understand why it's hard for you but if you're ok then I'll forget about if for a while.
    Me: Thank you so much.

    So ya that's how that went. I love my big brother :slight_smile:
     
  9. Ecap1

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    I don't even know him and I love him too. Congrats man! Awesome bro you got there
     
  10. TheEdend

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    You have an amazing brother there! Now you know that whenever you are ready to talk about it you can come to him without any problems :slight_smile:

    And it is really hard to explain to people how weird it can feel to talk about it. Even if you know they are going to be completely okay with it haha
     
  11. MoDude66

    MoDude66 Guest

    There are so many people that would love to be in your situation. Your brother sounds like an amazing person with a lot of love for you. If you do speak with him, you do not have to be specific, but IMHO, I think he just wants you to trust him. Whatever you decide, with that support, you will be fine. :slight_smile:
     
  12. ArcaneVerse

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    =D I'm glad it went went well.
     
  13. bookworm43

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    that sounds like a lovely ending. :slight_smile: congratulations!
     
  14. 12tonowhere

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    Amazing response you are very blessed. What I would say though is if this is getting you down don't keep it all bottled up. I mean I know you have site like this one where you can vent but sometimes you need to speak to someone in person. Even if that person cant be your brother there is always the school councillor and that would be confidential. I am not saying you should just don't let this cause you too much stress and anxiety, as it does not need to be the case.
     
  15. mnguy

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    Dude, your brother sounds really nice and you are so lucky. He saw that you're upset and offered to talk and spend time with you was so thoughtful of him. I'm glad the talk went so well. You might not realize how fortunate it is that you are out to your brother already and he's supportive. I'm rather jealous, but super happy for you :eusa_clap :thumbsup:

    I'd also suggest just talking to him more about this sooner rather than later. Maybe ask him what he wants to know and let him get the conversation going. If he asks anything you don't want to get into, you can take a pass on it.
     
    #15 mnguy, Jul 4, 2011
    Last edited: Jul 4, 2011