how do you feel about being gay?

Like yourself, I found out I was gay six years ago, the difference was I didn't properly realise until 2008/2009.

I went through a period of thinking I was straight or asexual, but all the while having gay thoughts, so it never truly went away and then I realised I was gay and that I was going to have to deal with it. I didn't like the idea of being against the conventions of most people's lives, but the idea of being gay felt more comfortable than being straight, so that was when I got into the idea properly.

As for the future, who knows. Again like yourself, I think I'm close to coming out to the people I love and hopefully will be accepted by everyone I know. Fitting into society should be easy too, as I don't intend to flaunt my sexuality around too much and due to privacy, I'm not sure if I'll be able to show off my affections for anyone in public, so it should be fine. I also intend to not get married or have kids, but again, who knows?

Edit: Oh and welcome to the forum.

 

My turning point was when my city proposed an amendment to our non-discrimination statute to prohibit discrimination against gay and trans people. It helped to realize that I was not alone and that coming out mattered (before I'd seen little point as I believed I would never have romantic prospects). It took me several more months to fully come out, but that was the turning point.

My role in society is no different than it would have been were I straight. As for my family, the main difference is that I hope to bring a boy round to my relatives one day instead of a girl. I'd decided I wouldn't have children years before I realized I was gay.

My homosexuality has little to do with my vision of my future. While a life-partnership would be nice, it's not a significant goal for me. Right now I care more about bulding my academic career and developing a handful of good friends than I do about sex or romance.

 

I first realized it when i was in junior high school, but i spent that entire time trying to ignore it and think it was wrong. My sophomore year in high school is when i stopped trying to lie to myself and I just told myself that I am who I am, and it's up to me to live my life that way. Once I reached that point where I could accept myself I became a much happier and more socially involved person (coincidentally this is about the time my friend claims I 'bloomed' in high school and became, for lack of a better word, popular. I think there may be a connection, lol).

I want to be involved in politics, so I see this as an interesting step in shooting for my goals, let's just say it's given me some doubts and personal conflicts about my hopeful future plans.

Ever since I was younger I wanted to settle down after school and getting a job, and that truly hasn't changed since then. I don't know who i'll be with, if anyone, but as long as I can make myself happy then I will be a genuinely happy person.

 

I had always known I was into guys, but it wasn't till i was in a good place with life that I decided it was time to stop being ridiculous and stop pretending I don't like guys. It was my first semester at my current school and I was just sick of feeling like I had to be someone I wasn't just to lead a normal life.

I see myself fitting in the exact same way I did prior to coming out, to be honest. For a while I had issues with the fact that the person I was going to be with was a guy, but after dating my first boyfriend, it stopped being an issue all together. I found out that dating guys wasn't really weird for me and that I didn't think it should be any weirder to anyone else than any other relationship.

My life in the future... hmm... who knows! Ideally i'd like to move to San Francisco after school, not because of the gay community, but because I hear it's really beautiful and an easy transition from Boston.

The truth is, being gay used to be a big issue to me. After coming out and slowly learning to be okay with myself in public, and then moving on to dating someone of the same sex, nothing about it phases me anymore. It's like, sometimes when you're just getting used to being yourself you don't want anyone to show affection towards you in public whatsoever, you don't want people to draw attention to you, but after a while it just becomes a non-issue.

 

One point in my life I said I was just going to suppress these feelings and try and live a "normal" straight lifestyle.

Porn helped get rid of the confusion i had about gay sex, as well as straight sex.

Now I am planning to come out as bisexual in college and thinking about dating men as well as woman. However my life ends up depends on who walks into my life.

 

I knew i was gay at a very young age. But i never thought of it much. I thought it was a phase everyone went through. I stopped thinking about it for years. I would have my moments when i still thought of it. when i started high school i considered myself bi. But it wasnt until last summer i came to terms with it and accepted myself as gay. I honestly cried when i finally knew and stopped fighting it. and i hate crying. I changed all my plans i had for my future and all my thoughts started to change...

I think that the hardest part was trying to figure out how i was gonna fit in. I was scareed no one would like me because of it. And i thought that i would never be in public with a guy like that. its hard for me to still think about holding a guys hand. even though i came to terms with it i still find it hard to figure out the changes i have to go through from how i thought.

before i pictured myself successful and with a family in a nice house, quite wealthy and very happy.However now i see myself just with a guy no kids. and traveling and having a nice house here in California because i love Cali. Its my home and i dont think i would move away. However i would definitely love to travel to many places.

My thoughts for life have changed and its hard to think i wont be able to have a family the way i wanted.

 

I found out I was gay when I was in fifth grade and u learned there was a term for iow I felt .... lol I am completely out but I still have a few issues with myself but it's all a work in progress XD I am ok with it most the time but there is that once in a while time when I get a little upset over nothing.

 

I figured out I liked boys when I was about 12 years old, but my religion was very much against homosexuality, so I denied it/prayed against it/hid it for 7 years. My turning point came when I almost began a relationship with a girl which would have ended with me breaking up with her because I would be far too uncomfortable. Thankfully she said no, but I realized that if I didn't stop this lying to myself I'd end up hurting myself and my friends.

It took several months to fully accept it, though I'm still not fully out due to a lot of unexpected changes in my coming-out plan. The main future plan that I have doesn't horribly concern my sexuality, as my current goal is to finish the last two years of undergraduate studies strong and then move on to get my PhD. Once I start teaching at a university, I expect to be doing that until I die, so perhaps somewhere along the line from now until then I end up with a husband.

Short hand, however, I reeeeeeeally want a boyfriend. I'm not going to rush into a relationship with someone I don't know, but over the next year or two I'm going to be meeting more LGBT people and I'm going to be open to dating. Hopefully that works out well, but if not then that's fine too. Life moves on whether we want it to or not, and if I can't find someone to date at my college, then I'll wait until I get to grad school and beyond if necessary.

 

I have no problem with being gay. My family, being fairly liberal and nonreligious, never seemed to have a problem with homosexuality either, though their understanding of homosexuality is probably a bit dated and stereotypical.

My problem isn't about being gay, it's about acting gay. I've recently realized that the only reason I don't act like a girl is because of a conscious effort to act like a man, out of fear of ridicule. So while I have no problem with effeminite men in general, the realization that I am one does sort of bother me. But that's more to do with how others will react than my own reaction.

 

So how I feel about being gay. I'm still not sure. Parts of me hate it. I hate that I need to let people down. I hate that I'm an only child and have to tell my mom that grand kids could be a tricky one. I hate that my friends look at me and think of me differently. I hate that I had to go through "it just a phase" with my mom which only led to more insecurities and self denial. I hate all the lies I've told in my life. I hate that my family is totally okay with don't ask don't tell policy. I hate that it still isn't easy to come out for some reason.

On the other hand; I love the fact that I fall in love with girls. I love that I've met so many people I probably wouldn't have otherwise. I love that I can pick up on the wordless subtext. I love going to gay clubs and Pride (where the real party is). I love the wit that comes from a common pain. I love that I can piss off church people by existence only. I love that I've seen and know parts of my city many hasn't. I love the surprised look on guys when they realize I was not hitting on them. I love that I can get away with flirting with guys girlfriends (they never saw it coming and I'd never break a couple up, it just for good fun). And what I love the most is that I'm already outside the box of what family and society expected from me, so where I go from there is really all up to me.

 

It's kind of a non-issue now. I worry more about my school marks.

 

For many years I was in such deep denial that I felt nothing about it. I was eleven when I first realized that I was attracted to guys but I made myself truly believe that it was a phase and that I was straight all the way until I was 19. Once I did though, it was a real tough few months of taking in what that all meant. I thought my dream of the perfect family was gone. Over time though, I've realized that I can still have a family (it will just be a different kind of family).
I still struggle with the relationship of my faith and sexuality and how that looks in my future, but its all starting to come together. I also still have some fears about being "out" at my university as I believe it would hinder some of my opportunities to advance my education due to discrimination.
But! I now have completely accepted my sexuality and figured that if I was born this way than there must be some greater reason for it and I will just make the most out of it and live a happy life

 

I spent a lot of time in my early teen years thinking about the concept of sexuality and what it meant to me. It caused me to become a bit reclusive and I was often lost in my thoughts rather than socializing. I suppose the turning point for me was when I realized that I didn't have to constrict myself with a label in order to be myself. That happened when I was eighteen, even though I'd already accepted my attraction to girls when I was fifteen. I am now a much happier person than I used to be, and I definitely socialize more and enjoy life more.

 

Tough call. i would certainly never choose to be like this, put it that way. I also don't really think being like this is preferable to my being straight.

 

I have no moral issues with being gay. I just think of what might have been were I straight or were I goodlooking. I have an extremely unattractive complexion. Over the years when I think I looked better I used skin-whitening cream in an effort to make myself better looking. I like how I looked in most of the photos I took after using it, but 4 years later I look absolutely hideous in photographs so I have gone back on the cream again. I think maybe this is ageing brought on my depression (I am only 31) but I don't know. My dominant thoughts on my own situation is that it isn't in my interest to be gay when I am too unattractive to be acceptable to a man in the context of a relationship. Hideous looking straight men are able to have relationships but it's so much harder if you're gay because men have are so much more visual and shallow a gender. I came out to my parents when I was 20-1. My father suspected I was gay and asked if I was and I broke down and replied "Yes". I had informed my mother some time beforehand, but not before testing her views on gay people with subtle questions. That informed me it would be safe to come out to her. Her initial reaction (perhaps because she had gay friends like the aforementioned Colm whose phonenumber she gave me years ago) was that she accepted it but that she felt (she is a devout Catholic) that it might just be a phase. Now she fully accepts it but is sad for me that I cannot find a partner. Every mother wants their children to lead a happy life, and I'm sad that circumstances don't allow that. I waited too long when I was better looking because I feared rejection.

I used to have what I thought was a very close and my only real gay platonic friendship with a man called Colm. But some months ago he phoned me and said we weren't friends anymore, citing that 'it's not my job to hug fat men'. So even platonic friendships seem to have a "looks-test". I try to numb the pain with computer games, shopping and TV.

 

What do you think I'm working with here? Bisexual just means twice as many people who don't wanna have sex with me. :lol:

 

Well you are luckier than me because even were you ugly (I don't know whether you are or not) some ugly guys marry beautiful women. That is unheard of in the gay male community.

 

For a very long time, I assumed that I could hide the fact that I was gay, and lead a "normal" life. After a failed relationship with my ex-grilfriend I was a little depressed. I began to think that I couldn't have a relationship with a girl, but I was about to go away to college, so I convinced myself that I could start over there and continue to hide my identity. I had a lot of fun in college, but very little sexual contact with girls, and none with guys since I was still pretending to be straight. I made a lot of good friends but I couldn't be myself, and that made me very unhappy. By the end of the year I started to accept myself, and the fact that I couldn't live a straight man's life. This was a little depressing at first since I had expectations for my own life, but I came to the conclusion that I could still get married and adopt children if I wanted, after I came out. It wasn't until after my friend found some questionable history on my computer that I knew I was going to start to come out. That's when I found this website. This site has given me so much support and confidence. After a lot of soul searching, and reading other's stories, I decided that maybe society won't completely accept me, but that doesn't matter. I don't need to a be a member of a whole society, and as long as I have friends that love me I can be happy. I still haven't come out to my family members yet, but I'm certain that they will understand. I finally came out to my best friend and he was unbelievably accepting. It's a great feeling, and I feel so much more prepared to come out to whoever else I decide to.

Figuring yourself out is a long journey. And I'm sure you will get there. It's not always easy, but the bottom line is, do what makes you happy.

 

I feel happier now that I finally admitted to myself that I am a lesbian.When I was 20-22 years old I knew I was gay and I was okay with it, but I didn't tell anyone (I was on the verge of coming out though). However, I got asked out on a date by a boy and I thought I should try to see what that was like. I began to fear being gay because I didn't know if people would reject me or hurt me in some way because of it. So for several years up until a few months ago I dated men because I wanted to be "normal" and make everyone like me.

About a month or so ago I began to realize how deeply in denial I was. I tried to convince myself that I was bisexual or something, so that I could have a traditional life. I realize now that I just didn't want to have to go through with the coming out process and the rejection I may receive.

I'm not as concerned about that now however. I'm tired of being unhappy and living a lie. I'm really annoyed that I live in a location where I won't be able to meet gay girls very easily. I fear that I would be rejected for my lack of experience or maybe the way I look or whatever. Girls intimidate me

I may never get married and have kids, but I do want a long term relationship with someone. I think my life will be happier as it goes along actually. I have a lot to overcome but the future looks good for me.