Hi all Before I start I just want to say how grateful I am for this website and all the kind, accepting people using the forums. Simply reading through everything and realizing that I am not alone has done a lot to alleviate many of my insecurities I had regarding my sexuality. Where to begin? Well, I'll just start by saying that I'm finally out of the "self-acceptance stage." After years of denial and questioning, I can finally say "I'm gay," out loud, without hesitating or having it feel awkward. Now my mind is stuck on the idea of coming out and being as open with myself and others about it as I can stomach. I already told my sister last Fall and I will definitely tell my mother the next time I see her (my father can wait...) The issue currently occupying my mind is how (or even if) to tell my best friends from back in my home town; all of which happen to be (presumably) straight, conservative Christians. Despite that I'm currently separated by a six hour drive from these friends, I go back from college to see them often, and am very, very close with all of them. I value their friendship immensely. Yet I cannot help but feel sick at the thought of coming out to them. While I wouldn't say that they're excessively hateful or homophobic toward gays (as many in small town Montana are), they've made it clear before that "homosexual acts" should always be deemed immoral. They can even justify this immorality under the presumption that people are born gay, noting that homosexuality would then be a biological "impulse" (as is heterosexuality), and can therefore be controlled. Anyways, that's what's currently running through my head. For all that I'm certain of, I may well be assuming the worst in their negative views on homosexuality. Perhaps they'll be completely fine with it if I come out to them? Maybe they already guessed it and are just waiting for me to say something? All I know for certain is that I don't want to lose them as friends, or have the friendships become overly awkward in any way. I know that if I decide not to tell them, I could easily still blend in and revert to my closeted, seemingly asexual personality when around them. This state, though, is what I'm trying to avoid. My reasons for coming out to myself or anyone else is that I wish to stop being paralyzed by fear of being my full and true self. Sheesh. Can anyone tell I've been thinking way too much? Sorry if this seems rant-ish or scattered, but it's just nice to get it out there - out of my spinning head. Again, thanks to everyone on EC for making this all the more easier. Coming from someone who lived in a small, < 5,000 person "village" in Montana, and still in a relatively small town for college - it's nice to know that you're not alone
I am a Christian myself, and though most of my school friends are atheistic, I go to a youth church and small group too. I have come out to one (very supportive) friend there, but the rest hold the quite homophobic views. I have decided (with help from the forums here!) to come out to more of them; whether that is a leader I am closer to or the whole group, I haven't decided yet. I will see them this evening, though. The reason I have decided to come out despite their views is because people here told me that while people can object to abstract homosexuality they might reconsider their opinions when someone who they know is gay/bi. Out of interest, are you religious yourself? If you are, it might help them be more accepting of you as they can see you still follow that religion though you are gay. Well done on already coming out to some people; for me, coming out to a Christian friend was exactly the same but a hundred times more nerve-racking. You have good reason to come out, and you are very brave to want to tell your friends. I might be able to help you more tomorrow, after I (hopefully) tell another/more of my religious friends tonight. Good luck.
