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25 and out to a few!

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by thevedman, Jul 4, 2011.

  1. thevedman

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    Hi everyone,

    I'd appreciate some advice or even just some words from people who've been through it all before... I'm out to a couple of friends, but I feel ashamed and scared that I'm 25 and not out to more people, especially my family... I'm worried that if I'm not careful I'll end up alone.

    When I left uni back last June I decided that I'd be holding back for too long and I went out on the gay scene and met a nice guy and ended up having two amazing weeks with him. I was actually quite reluctant to carry on the relationship because I was moving away, my family didn't know etc etc... in the end we broke up after about 8 months for various reasons, but mostly he wanted way more than I felt I could give at that time, and I feel guilty now that the relationship has ended.

    I've had to live at home for a while but I'm moving out again soon and I want to make a renewed effort to come out and just live life as a gay man, but I don't really know people where I'm moving to, so should I just go out on the scene, meet a local lgbt group? Suggestions? And if I start doing this will I just get a bit better about coming out? More than anything I would love for everyone to just know and there to be no big deal... There often moments when I'm with friends and I'm desparate to tell them, but I just can't find the words, and then I feel awful for not telling them... Anyway any thoughts? Is 25 really old to not have told most of your friends? Thanks.
     
  2. LemonCake

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    You are out to more people than I am and I'm a year older than you! I've never dated a girl at all, but it's not like I'm on my deathbed. I'll find someone someday and you surely will too. You're only 25 after all.

    As for meeting gay people, well joining LGBT groups seems to be a popular suggestion. I'd say it depends on the type of place you move to. A big city is guaranteed to have some gay people somewhere.
     
  3. mnguy

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    "...but I feel ashamed and scared that I'm 25 and not out to more people, especially my family... I'm worried that if I'm not careful I'll end up alone."

    Yes, in this day and age when lots of teens come out to everyone with seemingly no difficulties, we might feel as if we've missed the boat. It's not too late for you, I'm sure. I bet you'll have some nice coming out stories over the next year. :slight_smile:

    "There often moments when I'm with friends and I'm desparate to tell them, but I just can't find the words, and then I feel awful for not telling them... Anyway any thoughts? Is 25 really old to not have told most of your friends?"

    I often want to tell friends leading up to getting together, then never do it. Repeat my comment above. You'll be fine, I'm sure :slight_smile:
     
  4. alan t

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    No, there are lots of people on here older than that. I'm 26 and I've only told 2 people.
     
  5. LemonCake

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    Yeah I know exactly what you are saying. There really wasn't the support for gays back when I was a teen. And that was just ten years ago.
     
  6. thevedman

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    Thank you guys, I appreciate just hearing that. It's nice to speak to people who understand what it's like.

    I have some friends coming to stay at mine in the next few weeks and want to make an effort to tell some of them, and then as I said I'm hoping following moving this year that I can make a bigger effort to find someone. Thank you all again :slight_smile:
     
  7. coastgirl

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    Hey dude, just to let you know I'm 27 and I haven't told anyone yet! In fact, I just came out to myself about a year ago. I was in heavy denial up to that point. I kinda knew I was gay, but I wouldn't let myself fully accept it. I was just too scared. I'd look up information on gay websites, but then I'd just turn around and decide to wait for mr. right. Well, I finally determined that I better start facing myself or my life is going to go very quickly without ever finding a real relationship. So, there are people out there like you! You're ahead of me! I hope to tell a couple friends by the fall.
     
  8. thevedman

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    Thanks man. Best of luck with telling people this fall!
     
  9. ByoNexus

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    Dude, Im I was in the same boat not a month ago. Im in the process of coming out to everyone i know. I started with my mom & bother before moving on to my close friends. I understand how it can be really nerve-wracking when your with firends and really want to tell them, but just cant bring yourself to do it.
    If you want my advice, try telling them one at a time. That method worked for me. This way their reactions will be genuine and not influenced by the others present.

    As to coming out to your family, how close are you with them? I've yet to tell them, even though we are really close. Im concerned that it will damage the relationships i have with them, but at the same time, I feel they deserve to know. I plan to tell them next time the family gets together.

    I hope that when you do eventually let them know, their reactions are positive, but there's always a chance they'll have a react badly. You should really consider about who you think would be most supportive and start from them and work your way from there. Keep in mind, some might need a little while to come to terms with it.

    Good Luck!
     
  10. 10super4

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    Friend,

    It's a bit different for all of us. I'm 27 (so old, I know!) and came out to myself a month ago, good friends two weeks ago, and to everyone else (including family) a few days ago.

    I think it all depends on where you are in your journey. In my case, I had nothing to lose (at least that's what I told myself), and I was ready to just get it over with and move forward, but that's not for everyone.

    Go at your own pace, act when the time is right and you have peace in your heart. That's really all I can say.

    Best of luck.
     
  11. thevedman

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    Cheers man. It's the same with my family, I'm really close with them and I just get nervous that it'll affect our relationship... but ultimately I guess I'd rather they knew about it; I love the idea of bringing a boyfriend home for Christmas or something like that... soppy I know, but it would be nice! I think I'm going to keep going telling my friends and work my way up to telling my family when I'm ready...

    Good luck with telling your friends and family, I hope it goes well :slight_smile:

    And thanks to everyone for your messages, I posted the message at a bit of a low point and you've all made me feel better, so thanks!