As some of you who have read my other posts may know, I came out very late in life just a few months ago at 45. I started by coming out to my family who, especially in my father's case, I expected to be the most averse to my newly-proclaimed orientation. Apparently I was wrong. My family really took things in stride and my father and everyone else still talk to me (and we went out for Father's day a coupla weeks ago). Now I find it is my oldest and dearest friends that may be the least accepting. I came out in a private message over Facebook to an old college buddy. While it is true we haven't talked much over the years we were very close friends during our time at the university. I decided to come out to him because of that and also the fact that he had another very close friend (perhaps even closer to him than me) that also happened to be gay. But after several days he has not responded to my message (even though I do know he's been on FB since then...given status updates, etc.). I'm not sure how long I should wait before I "ping" him again....or even if I should. But I must say it hurts that he would be the one person who doesn't accept me for who I am. Should I wait longer? Should I respond? Should I just "buck up" and let the vestiges of that relationship fade into the darkness? I don't know. I'm just kinda sad right now. :icon_sad:
It wouldn't hurt to "ping" him. Sometimes it's hard to know how to react when someone comes out. I'd send him a message saying something like Tailor that to your exact needs, say how you feel about him and being his friend. If he doesn't respond to that, then leave it alone. Don't unfriend him, though, he may come around later.
It's possible your old friend may either be dealing with the news of you being gay or just has other stuff going on in his life that requires his attention. Or he doesn't mind, but hasn't said anything. It is really irritating though when you send messages or chat to people on Facebook and you get no response. Jerks.
It's not uncommon for people, particularly older friends who have known you for many years, to take a little while to process the information. After all, your sexual orientation is, to most people, a pretty bedrock foundation that identifies who you are in their eyes, so for them, it sort of upsets the apple cart a bit and it takes them a while to reorient who you are in their eyes... particularly if they haven't had many other close gay friends for any period of time. It's simply a matter of readjustment. I would be very, very surprised if your friend does not come around, but I would also not be surprised if it took up to a month for him to adjust and be reasonably OK and maybe several months before he is completely comfortable again. But in nearly all cases... you find that your friends *do* come around and things are eventually just as good as they ever were, and sometimes better because you're no longer having to hold anything back from them.
Thanks for the support, guys. Turns out I was jumping the gun a bit. My college buddy responded today and in a positive way as I expected. (!)
I didn't respond to an email my friend sent me about being gay a few years ago. It was a mass email, so maybe that's why. I feel really bad now that I didn't. I was still in denial back then, so maybe I was more scared about what it meant for me. Also, I have matured quite a bit since then. We are still friends and I totally support him. In any case, glad your friend responded.
it couldn't hurt after several days to "ping" him- you know, to make sure it's all ok. and hang in there!! (*hug*) remember, just because this one friend may not accept you, that doesn't mean necessarily that your other friends won't.
Hey Tristar, congrats for having the guts to come out to him and I'm so happy he replied now :eusa_danc Maybe this will renew that friendship. It's interesting how people come and go in our lives. Maybe this will bring you closer again. All of the good qualities that you have can flourish more now that you can be your complete self
