How do people find the motivation to come out? I waver between thinking that it will be easier to meet a guy if I'm out, and it will be easier to come out if I'm already seeing a guy. It pisses me off that I wasn't taught the truth about human sexuality in middle school so I would have understood what was going on with me. How did guys in previous generations have the courage to go out and meet other guys? It seems it should be much easier to meet gay guys today than fifty years ago, yet I've never had a random encounter like I hear others mention. I'm baffled how some guys have been able to meet another gay guy with whom they have mutual attraction just at random. "I was reaching for a bag of Twix at the gas station and this great guy reached for the same bag and our eyes met and yadda yadda..." The theory that love will find you when you least expect it has not been remotely true for me and I've tried really hard to give up on finding a guy and and still nothing. :dry: :icon_wink
Personally, I didn't really find the motivation to come out. It was more of a either die or come out kind of deal. I just hit a spot where I just couldn't take the lies and acting any longer. And I do think that people sort of just fall into your lap kind of deal. Not in a "I'm going to sit here and just wait" kind of deal, but more in the "I'm going to do everything else that I enjoy doing while I wait" kind of deal. Don't give up on it just yet
hmm i keep saying that when i have a bf i will have to come out and it will be easier because then there will be 2 people involved instead of just me. and i didnt find any motivation. just frustration and the guy thing i have a friend that when she meets a guy she always sees something wrong and doesnt want to date them.. so i tell her "life is full of risks and we just have to take them" sometimes there are moments when you got to take some risk. and if you really want to meet someone maybe you have to come out. just my 2 cents
^that. :icon_bigg Don't give up! Some day your dream guy will show up eventually in ways you least suspect. The suspense only makes meeting that guy better If it makes you feel any better, even though I'm younger, I still can't find any one to date EVER! lol It's not really any easier sadly. :tears: The only place i know where I can find out gay people where I live are in the gay clubs all the way out in Manhattan. But most of that city crowd probably just wants sex :dry: So even if I was out, I probably would have a hard time finding someone. Finding love is just hard in general. Hang in there wolfy!
I just had a "screw this, I want to be completely myself" moment. It wasn't a big deal coming out, but it helped me feel like I was more honest with people. I like being open with people. When I had a guy, I wanted to be out more, but he didn't want to be out. But having a boyfriend would cause you to want to come out, but I wouldn't rely on that motivation. It is easier to find a guy if you are out, but it isn't like you are wearing a label saying I'm gay. No matter who you meet, you are still going to have to know eachother is gay before ending up in a relationship.
I don't believe this is true. When people say it happens I think maybe it happens to them because of their personality or something. It may work for some people, that doesn't mean it'll just happen for everyone else too. I think if you want something you might have to go out of your way to look for it. Don't keep on waiting for luck to let it fall into your lap. Sorry I have no idea what you can specifically do though, being in the same kind of situation.
It's just a moment of when you suddenly feel tired with not being open with anyone and just think, screw it, being more comfortable with yourself is more important. With one of my close relatives, I wrote a letter detailing all my thoughts down and it worked.
Thanks to everyone for your replies. I tried to reply last night but EC stopped responding for me at one point. So it seems like mixed opinions on whether relationships come along more from working hard for it or when you least expect it. I suppose everyone has different experiences. One thing I'm still a little curious about is how guys 40+ years ago found other guys when the closet was so much deeper. It's much easier to be out today for most people, so I'd think that random encounters with other gay guys would be more common. So when I read how two guys met by chance 40 years ago and are getting married now that it's legal in their state, it really amazes me that I've never had such a wonderful encounter considering things are so much more open today. Any thoughts on that?
40+ years ago I bet for every two who met like that there must have been literally hundreds who got married to someone of the opposite sex and are closeted to this day.
Lol, this is exactly what i went through a few weeks ago. Ive known for a long time, but was unable to get motivated to tell ppl. I was so depressed, that i reached a point where I realised it will ruin my life to keep hiding it. Since Coming out, I've dropped a few 'Crutches' I developed over the years in the closet. Smoking (Cigarettes & weed). My outlook on life is much more positive now, even though im still coming to terms with being Out. I'm still sometimes depressed, but I haven't fallen nearly as far into depression as was my norm while i was still in the closet. :icon_bigg
I have no idea. It just kind of happens. *unhelpful answer of the year award goes to... this post!!!*
