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I've been feeling the need for a bf...

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Lucas16, Jul 6, 2011.

  1. Lucas16

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    It's hard... but just need some help and advice here please..

    I'm a 16 year old boy, have had 2 boyfriends that both didn't last too long, and am not out to any friends or anyone straight. I am out to gay/bi friends or people on online chatrooms, on here, you know what i mean.. mom, dad, and grandma know too.

    Lately, i've just been feeling lonely and just feeling the need of someone else in my life. Everyone else around me is in a relationship, at school, everywhere.. and i just don't feel happy inside.. i'm not out and won't be (way too hard) so i don't get how i'll ever get a bf.. being a senior in HS this year.. anyone know any possible ways? :frowning2: I may come off as desperate, but i'm not intending to be.. i just have that need inside to have someone to just be with, and to be happy with.. I just dont know where to start, and i'm tired of being sad and depressed with none of my family knowing or anyone around me... I jsut won't show it to anyone either cuz they will think something wrong is going on and whatnot.. I know many outted gays, but they are just not my type, and i don't want to get involved with them.. closeted ones i will never know about, and no one will come after me because obviously, i'm not out. It's hard, too many complications.. and i just need to see what people have to say. I don't know how to be positive in this situation and it's letting me down.. please let me know. :slight_smile:

    ~Lucas :grin:
     
  2. Mogget

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    Unfortunately, it's very hard to get romantically involved while in the closet. It's also hard for gay people to find partners in high school as the relatively small population limits the number of gay people. But, if you want a boyfriend, the best thing you can do now is to come out. Sorry, but them's the breaks.
     
  3. Lucas16

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    I mean, the only problem and fear i have for coming out is how i'll be treated, the friends i'll have afterwards, the awkwardness of hanging out with friends and the list can go on and on.... :frowning2:
     
  4. Chrisw

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    Hi Lucas

    Its a catch twenty two situation: you come out and get the love and have to deal with the fall out or you stay hidden and the guy never finds you hiding in a closet , leaving you unsatisfied with your life and depressed.

    Theres no easy answer to it all. I've felt all the feelings you have and in the long run its easier to just come out. Its the same journey and the same upset and heartache but it has an end whereas depression never ends.

    Live the life you deserve, take your time. you might be pleasantly surprised. When i told my kids around the family table, wife sat across, My 12 year old son said at the end of it all.......Did I have any nail scissors? says it all. Laughs.



    Things are rarely as bad as you think. but its no boat ride either!
     
  5. Revan

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    I don't want to bring you down or anything, I know right now you're already struggling with what to do about coming out. I just want to be realistic though and say that coming out won't automatically mean you find a boyfriend. You might, you might get very lucky and that guy is there on the other side of the door. But many don't find a boyfriend right away. I came out of the closet back in May 2005 and found a bf in September of that year broke up a month later, it's only now though that I have a relationship that is going really well, nearly 11 months so far, but like i said, it took me 7 years to find him. So just please make sure you do realize you'll find someone, but don't expect him to definitely be on the other side of that door.
     
    #5 Revan, Jul 6, 2011
    Last edited: Jul 6, 2011
  6. Cantthinkofone

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    Contrary to what everyone expects, in my experience most people in high schools aren't in steady relationships (my friends always joke that the reason we're all depressed is that TV shows portray high school kids as always going to parties and being in dramatic relationships and once you come to HS it hardly ever happens) and as you are gay this unfortunately kinda lowers your chances even more due to the whole "small population and in the closet" issue. You could maybe ask your gay/bi friends if they know anyone outside your school who is also gay/bi.
    But unfortunately even actively and openly seeking a relationship doesn't always mean you'll get one (no matter what your sexual orientation) Those things sometimes happen when you least expect them and you can't really force it (I went "looking for a boyfriend" at one point in my life. i also witnessed my friends doing the same. It never really worked. When any one of us ended up dating someone it just kinda...happened) Spending all your time worrying about it can only hurt your chances for a healthy relationship in the long run. YAnd if you feel alone and isolated..talk to your friends and family. Spend more time with them. Being in a relationship is not the only way to be happy.
     
  7. Lucas16

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    Perfect explanation... thanks so much and i totally understand what you're meaning here. I'll see how the next few weeks go when i start Senior year of HS and take it from there! :slight_smile:

    ---------- Post added 6th Jul 2011 at 05:31 PM ----------

    Oh.. of course not, i never meant like coming out always does something.. it doesn't, but it DOES put you out there, and noticed for others, just makes it easier. Thanks, i'll see how it goes! :slight_smile:

    ---------- Post added 6th Jul 2011 at 05:33 PM ----------

    Of course not, it's not easy to find a relationship regardless... i just failed at getting a girlfriend, she moved on, but it's whatever. It never works when you're looking as it is. Thanks, i will do that.. more time with friends/family is better anyways. Thanks! :slight_smile:
     
  8. Revan

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    Ugh Degrassi, The OC, etc has ruined high school for people >_>
     
  9. Lucas16

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    Yeah, i don't even watch TV much, so i'm good :slight_smile: