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I need options

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Uniboth, Jul 6, 2011.

  1. Uniboth

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    What I thought was nothing is now infatuation. What I thought were possibilities are just fantasies. My infatuation is killing me...and the fact that I've yet to learn what it means to be romantically involved is hurting me...I'm 25. I fell for a guy while studying abroad that I can't figure out if he'd ever swing my way. All his flirting and inappropriate touching seems playful but it got to me. Everytime it happens, my hopes explode...only to severely damage me after. I figured that the only way to ever feel at peace is to know for a fact that there isn't the smallest possibilities. I don't want feel the pain in my chest whenever thoughts of him pop up.

    The thing is, I'm in the closet living in a very closed minded part of the world. I believe that if every homosexuals could not hide in the closet, that if we were born with a sign over our head saying whether we're straight/gay/bi/trans/etc. then life would actually be better. I wish I can't hide. My courage keeps decreasing with every morning. The rest of my life feel so singular. I'm depressed and would love to see a therapist but I can't because I can't trust Therapists in my country...I'm not even sure if there's a certified one. My name is known here, my dad's heart is weak and if the public knows...it might become too much.

    I thought I could live in the closet forever. But, now that I'm foolish enough to let myself feel the possibilities for real love, I can't help but want it. I don't want to pretend to enjoy life with different girls every other month anymore. I die a little every time I'm involved with a girl. I wanna move to a different, a more accepting country but... the passport I hold has deemed that that's not an easy option.

    I'm sorry about the rambling...I don't really recognize who I am anymore. I've never felt so alone. I'm thinking of seeing a therapist in a different country. But, I can't help feeling discouraged. I used to be strong and never the mushy type... but after I met the guy I mentioned, everything comes crashing down. Help me... advise me... tell me what to do... or just talk to me.
     
  2. Mogget

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    Okay, let's deal with your problems one at a time. You're currently recovering from a major infatuation, one that has forced you to reconsider your closeted life. The standard, and good, advice for getting past any infatuation is to involve yourself more with your friends. Stay social, keep doing something, don't dwell on the past. It takes time, but with time feelings dwindle.

    Second, you're reconsidering being closeted. Given your country, coming out might not be the safest option for you, but it is still an option. Without knowing more about your situation, I can't really say if it would be worth the risk. One thing you can do, though, is stop involving yourself with women. Just say you want a break from romance if people pressure you.
     
  3. Uniboth

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    I'd like to stay social but I'm naturally reserved. I have friends but prefer to be alone. My job generally give me a lot of time to think, which only makes it worse. I also get a message from this guy every few hours almost daily... So it's hard to not think about him.

    I can tell you that it's not worth the risk to come out where I live, especially in my position. Someone in a similar situation as I am with a similar position in society had to move away after she came out... I'm also the thing that keeps my family together... everyone looks to me when they need cheering. Sadly, my mom has said that if one of her sons was gay...she'd kill herself (she's clinically depressed and has attempted suicide before).