If you'd venture into my profile, you'll see that I am pretty young for this, as I'm only 15. But bear with me, this is the hugging thread after all. I've been battling moderately-severe depression for a while now. Then one day, I had a breakthrough; I finally realized why I was depressed - I wasn't happy with my gender. I've always thought about it, but it wasn't until then that I realized that I really actually wished I wasn't born a man. That was a few weeks ago, and I'm still untouched by the depression that plagued me every day. The other night, I was watching videos about the transgendered lifestyle when I came across the channel of Karmatic1110. She single handedly destroyed every doubt or fear I had about it. As I said, I'm only 15, so I have a good while to think about it, but it's something to look forward to. In the 3 years before I even could, I'll have time to mill over it and decide if it's really what I want. So I suppose I'm lucky I realized it so early, to avoid making any mistakes that I might regret later. And yet, I'm still scared. I'm not interested in guys, only girls. I just don't want to be a guy. I'm not sure what I'm scared of. I have absolutely no clue. I'm still totally happy that I found out why I was depressed, I always thought that clinical depression never had a cause, just happened. I guess I might just be overwhelmed with this. I messaged Karmatic1110(Charlotte) about this, this post is actually a slightly modified version of what I sent her. She messaged back and told me that she definitely thinks I should meet with a gender therapist. I would, but I don't want the drama of all this with my parents if it turns out that I don't want to do it. I know they'd be supportive, but I just don't want the drama. I've been trying to find a free gender therapist online, but I can't find any. I found this site by means of Yahoo! Answers. At first I just thought I wanted to be a woman for the erotic part of it. But I realized that I have absolutely no interest in that aspect. I used to want to cross dress because it was exciting and sexy, but I now see that as a way of transitioning from now to whenever, no pleasure involved. My absolute best friend is a girl that I've known since 2nd grade, we've always been like brother and sister. I actually trust her more than my siblings, and she was one of the only people I told about my depression. I really wanna tell her so that I can talk to her about it, but, again, I wanna wait to even kinda publicize this until I'm 100% sure that this is what I wanna do. I'm so incredibly confused about this for seemingly no reason. I just feel like I need let someone know while maintaining my anonymity. On this site, I'm sure there's a handful of other people dealing with the same thing, so if anyone could say some kind words or advise on anything, that'd be great. Thanks ahead of time
I'm about to tell the aforementioned best friend about this. As I said, I feel like I can tell her absolutely anything. This may be the biggest discovery about myself, but that's how much I feel I can trust her. I'll tell you all how she reacts tonight.
