I recently came out to my school, and am very glad I did so. However, I now have no control over who knows, if they might tell others, etc.. I have no problem with people knowing and telling more people – saves me the trouble of doing so – but I am afraid that someone will tell my parents, in particular my mum as Dad lives separately with my stepfamily. To avoid Mum finding out through the grapevine, should I go ahead and tell her? I am not sure when I should/would otherwise. I was thinking of coming out by letter, but is this a good way to do it? Here is the draft I have written; please edit it and tell me what you would add/take out/change. The house I arrange to stay at might be a friend's or my father's. Ian is the vicar at my church, who Mum is good friends with. It might be him or someone else if he thinks it will be better (I have not had a chance to talk to him yet).
Letters are great if you don't want to come out face-to-face! The only drawback is the wait until it is read. It seems like a great letter. I hope everything goes well!
You could sent the letter, but sooner or later you are going to have to face her and talk about it. I think when it comes to parents, you should try and tell them in person. I know it is not easy, but they are in your lives almost everyday. Just my opinion. Like I said, nothing wrong with the letter, but you will need to face her soon and talk about it face to face.
With one of my relatives, I typed out all my thoughts and feelings on my computer and showed it to them. They found it to a beautiful statement, so the written word (or in my case typed) can be very powerful with this kind of stuff. Definitely recommend it if you can't say it face to face like I did.
I don't mind the letter route, but I think it's ideal if you can hand the letter in person, and stay there as they read it. If you REALLY can't go that route, the letter is fine. I think the letter is good. I personally would take out the "don't put down this letter right away" - it indicates you expect a negative reaction, and it's best to do your best to assume a positive one. Other than that, I think it reads really well. Lex
I did that exact same thing, I stayed in the room as it was being read. I was just shaking incredibly hard and turned away at the time.
Perhaps there should be a thread for coming out letters, I'd post mine and I'd love to see anyone else's if they have done one.
If you're ready to tell her, I'd go for it. As you said, it's better for her to hear it from you. I agree with giving it to her in person and waiting while she reads it- if you feel comfortable doing that. It is an incredibly good letter and I'm sure everything will be fine. Let me know what happens, and good luck (*hug*)
Like everyone else said, a letter can be a great way to use to come out. I will also recommend staying in the room while they read it. That way you avoid the whole waiting and speculating whether they read it already or not, how they are reacting, etc. I'm not completely sure if you should leave for the night right after you tell her just because it might send the wrong message of this being this HUGE deal. That's completely up to you since you know your mom better than us. Best of luck! We actually do have some coming out letter on the resource page. I believe you can submit your letter by posting it in the Ask The Staff forum, but don't quote me on that one
Thanks everyone! I agree about writing it as though I expect a positive reaction, and I have cut "Please don't put this down" and virtually all of the last paragraph. I think I will keep the bit about people she can speak to, though. I'm still not sure when I will give it to her, as I want to be in the normal school routine and have a little web of close, supportive friends. At the moment I have no idea what my friends think as we are doing a special activities week and they will only have found out through the grapevine. I am happy to submit my letter to go on the resource page, though possibly only after I have used it. Edend, I might well quote you on posting in the Ask The Ataff forum! Thanks again, everyone!
