I'm 22 years old and just came out of a 3.5 year relationship (I was actually cheated on.) But, I've picked up most of the pieces and personally feel I'm ready to find another man. But, I'm only interested in dating someone if they are looking for something long-term, as well. No, we aren't going to get married tomorrow or fall in love in a week. But, I would like to date a few times and then become exclusively "in a relationship" if things go well. I've tried many different dating websites. Most of the sites gave me no local matches and the matches I did get weren't looking for something long-term. So, my next option is going to a couple gay bars in my area. But, I sort-of automatically have myself doubting success. I have this stereotype that I can't seem to dismiss: guys in gay bars are only interested in sex. But, again, I'm not interested in hooking-up. To quote Shania Twain: "I'm only interested if I can have you for life." Is it possible to find the type of guy I'm looking for in a gay bar?
I always thought the bar scene was not really worth it. Most people are there just to hook up. It is rare, but possible to find a long term relationship.
Ive got the same idea. I dont think a gay bar would be a place to find someone in for the long term. Its possible, i suppose, but unlikely. Im also trying to find where to look for a LTR (currently going through internet sites....)
is is possibly, yes. is it probable, no. bars and clubs are for hookups (gay or straight). however, you have to think about things this way, you are there, you want a LTR, so there could be someone like you there. but also think of it like this, you are in the minority, so dont be surprised to find that majority of people there want hookups. go only to have fun but not to look for anyone.
Thanks for the responses, everyone! I think I may just go bar-hopping with friends instead of actually looking for someone there. This whole dating thing is like... :bang:
The more you look the less you will find. The best relationships build from friendships, and we can all use more friends anyway, so go out looking to have a good time and make friends. Maybe you'll get a relationship out of it, maybe you won't, but if you are enjoying life more it won't be such a priority. If you get chatting to someone who is looking for sex then decline but don't rule them out as a friend. Are there any other gay social groups in your area? Coffee possie type groups, walking groups etc? The great thing with these is that they are more relaxed and have no alcohol or loud music, so are a better way of getting chatting to people. Again go in looking for friends and a social life, not for Mr Right. Ultimately I want the same sort of thing as you, but because I'm having a good time it's not such a big deal now. It'll happen when it happens.
I'm looking for the same, and I've been going to a popular gay bar here in Cape Town for over a year and have on the rare occasion met a guy with the same interests. It didn't work out exactly, but let's just say the place isn't swarming with guys looking for love - rather just a bit of lovin'. I have also not been successful with dating sites, but they worked better than gay bars/clubs. Your best bet is to get involved in stuff you really like (hobbies? passions? volunteer work?) and chances are you'll meet someone interesting there - and you already know you guys have something in common! Unfortunately that doesnt work for me much either because you can't easily meet guys at gym or on video games >.< Sadly, and I HATE to admit this, it really does seem that these things come out of the blue when you least expect it... how did you meet your first boyfriend?
That's a similar problem I'm having... Like, I'm not exactly sure what I would enjoy volunteering for. I like politics and everything. But, there's no one political party I'd feel comfortable working for. The only candidate I really support hasn't started a campaign anywhere near my area and I have no experience in campaigns so I can't start one myself. He and I knew each other through high school. After graduation, we got to talking and he started to like me, we hung-out a few times, then I started to like him, and we decided to start a relationship with each other. It lasted over 3 years until he got bored and cheated on me.
bars/clubs: usually hookup spots. gyms: usually like bars/clubs minus the music. also hard to strike up conversation here without looking too cruisy since many people have a focused mean look on their face. however, if someone is nice or seems open, you can ask them for tips on working out or just strike up convo. what i am learning is that usually people are just WAITING for you to make the first move. Everyone is really scared, so that's why nothing happens. plus you dont know exactly for sure if they are into guys or even into you. that's way the best way is to just come off as a friendly person and not like you are trying to get sexual when you dont know if they are gay or straight.
