Okay so I'm meeting my girlfriend tomorrow in order to break up with her and I'm not really sure how to do it. I'm moving to another country, so the relationship has to end. I've prepared myself for this, but I'm not sure if she has. I told her to meet me at a park so that we could go on a walk and that I wanted to talk to her. I think she's smart enough to have figured out what the talk with be about. But I'm really worried that I'll get really nervous and say all the wrong things. I want to let her down softly. I was planning to tell her that we should still keep in contact and that I'll visit her again when I come back next year. I really do not want to hurt her and I feel awful about this whole thing, but I don't have a choice. Is there anything I can do to calm my nerves? Or anything specific I should tell her? I have no idea how to do this....
As far as calming your nerves goes, deep breaths and good thoughts are the way to go. I'm sure there are foods and drinks that could help as well, but nerves will be there regardless, as any relationship beginning or ending is nervewracking. Now, as far as actually going through the break up, you need to examine your reasons for doing so. Yes, you're moving to another country, but that's not the core reason you are breaking up with her. Perhaps you feel that you aren't dedicated enough to stay in a long term, long distance relationship. Perhaps that's what you think about her. Or perhaps you just think it's time to move on anyway, and this just confirms your belief. Regardless of the actual reason, that is what you need to focus on. If/When she asks you why the two of you can't stay a couple, this core reason is what you need to tell her. There's not really a one-size fits all approach to breaking up. You know her best, so make sure you know why you're initiating the break-up, make sure she knows that you think friendship is still an option, and use your intuition to close this relationship on a marginally happy note. Good luck, don't let nerves get to you.
I think the main thing to focus on when breaking up with someone is 1, make sure they actually realize it is over (you'd be surprised how many break ups go awry when the other person doesn't realize what you're doing... which could lead to bad things like the "we were on a break!" debacle shown on Friends quite well =P ) but also 2, make it so that you do not lower her self esteem or belittle what you guys have/ had at all. And doing both 1 and 2 can be difficult as in if you are too nice and say how amazing she is and how much you enjoyed being with her, you may be giving her mixed signals (I've done this when I tried to be too nice when breaking up with an ex and she misread what I was doing and thought I was proclaiming my undying love for her >< ) but if you focus too much on just ending it you may hurt her and make her feel devalued. I'd mostly say how much she means to you and how much you enjoyed being with her, but at this point in time it's best if you are apart, but that you would still love to keep in touch and be friends. Most of all just be nice and hear her out. Like you said, she probably sees it coming so unless you insult her or devalue the relationship it should be a bit sad and perhaps tearful, but overall a good parting. By the way I am really sorry about the situation you're in =(( I've been in somewhat similar ones (well, close, my high school gf and I ended up going to colleges across the country from each other >< )
Assuming that you have told her your moving which it sounds like you have. Or at least referenced it, and by you saying she probably knows whats coming you sort have already let her down easily. Unfortunately feelings will be hurt there really isnt any getting around that. But like the others said make sure your convey your feelings and listen to hers. After all relationships are a two way street, all the way until the end. Best of luck Im sure all will go well.
Okay so I broke up with her on Saturday night and it went pretty well. I took her to a nice park with lots of horses, which are one of her favorite animals. We went for a walk and for a while, we just talked about normal stuff. But then we sat down at a picnic table and I brought up me moving again. It was extremely awkward at first, but then we just talked about all the good times that we had, but that this was for the best for both of us. She started crying and so I held her, but there were laughs in there too. I was glad that she had prepared herself for it and that she felt the same way I did. I told her I would give her a call when I got fully moved in and that we should still keep in touch. I should be back in her area next year sometime, so I told her that we should meet up one day. Overall though, it was much better than expected.
