Hi all, So, I'm still trying to figure out what I am. I know I'm way more attracted to men than women, especially when it pornography, but I also know that I can have meaningful relationships with women on both the emotional and physical level. What I've been struggling with lately is trying to imagine the emotional component with a man. I know this takes time, and I have to eliminate my internal prejudices, but I just can't seem to do it. Of course, I'm not out to anyone yet (waiting for about two months until I am in a position to see a therapist, which I want to do before I come out), so maybe that's why. A lot of times, when I used to try to masturbate to the thought of women, my mind would wander towards men. But, the exact opposite happens now for the emotional/long-term component. When I try to imagine myself in a long-term relationship with a man (buying a house, getting married, raising kids, etc.), my mind automatically drifts towards replacing that image with a woman. I guess it's possible that I'm more homosexual but also more hetero-romantic (in which case I am destined to be alone, which I don't think I am), but I think part of it may be internal prejudices. Does anyone have any advice for trying to make the emotional leap? Of course going out and actually meeting other gay people would help, but right now I can't do that (I'm living in a country where homosexuality isn't tolerated for a few months). Thanks for the help.
You seem to be struggled with thoughts that you are different. I'm pretty sure you are used to thinking that living with someone you love should be a woman. Well, I used to have this issue. But, someone being with you should be someone you love no matter what their gender is, isn't it? I don't know where you live, but it would be worth even if it might be hard in your area. Recently, I am thinking about emigrating to somewhere. But, I'm not saying you have to do that. Just think about it. There must be solution.
Well I dont know about you but for me a relationship with another guy is fundamentally different from that with a women. I think that maybe you are trying to hard to fit both sexes into the same mold? It might be that you just need to relax your expectations and let it come to you so that you learn by doing.
I'm currently studying in this country, and I only have five weeks left, so there's really no point in coming out here. I'll just wait till I'm back in America. I did have a very serious girlfriend for a while, and I truly did love her, and I expressed that emotionally and physically. But I also know I'm much more physically attracted to men in general. But how do I start breaking down the prejudices about emotional attractions to men in my mind?
You're already doing that, simply by talking about it. I think what's going on is you're processing your feelings toward men and your unconscious, which isn't ready to own being gay, is trying to rationalize or justify in some way that you can still end up in a hetero relationship. That's a very common thing for people who are in the process of coming out. I'd say just let it be and allow yourself the time to process and think about it and I think in time, it will become clearer for you.
well since in the case of all of the examples you give (buying a house, raising kids...) you were probably raised and told by the society repeatedly to believe you would do those things with a woman (just think of all the parents on TV for example...almost all of them are heterosexual couples, of course you're gonna end up thinking like that) I'd think it doesn't really reflect on your ability to form emotional attachments to men but more with the social expectations you've been raised with...maybe if you saw more homosexual couples represented in the media who raised kids and bought houses and all those things you would feel differently...just my 2 cents there. But ultimately there is no sure way to know unless you fall for someone or enter a relationship. Right now I have a major crush on a female person and I have no trouble imagining entering any form of long-term commitment with her (although that is not likely to happen for an entire list of reasons). If I considered women in general though I doubt I would think the same way (because the expectation that I was raised with is that I will marry a man). Then again I also read somewhere that women were more likely to be comfortable forming romantic attachments to other women because it is socially acceptable for them to be more intimate both physically and emotionally with their female friends, while for guys it is harder...so that just might be affecting you. Maybe you should just try meeting other gay/bi guys (easier said than done I know) and just see how it goes
That kind of sounds like me a couple months ago. Once I started to accept my attraction towards guys, I assumed I was bi, thinking I still liked girls. I felt like I might be able to go out with a guy, date, etc, but whenever I imagined getting married, there was always a girl. I'd think further ahead, about kids, a home, and such, and I couldn't imagine marrying a man. I don't know if it's because I was raised in a society where same-sex marriage is pretty new, because I wasn't used to thinking about men like that, or what, but I never saw myself marrying a man. It could be related to internal prejudices. Once I started dealing with how I felt about my sexuality, and started accepting it, for some reason I can't imagine a girl there anymore. Of course, since I don't know that much about you, or your thoughts, I can't say for sure, but that was my experience.
