Hi everyone, haven't been on here in forever! So here's the story: I recently moved to a new city and transferred jobs. There is a really cute guy who works in the back who is gay. We talked to each other when we had break together and when we passed by eachother and became friends. He invited me and my roomate to a party at him and his boyfriend's apartment but we haven't really hung out outside work other than that. A few weeks ago I went into my work to buy a few things and one of the girls came up to me and said 'there's someone here who likes you and they want to know if you like them but I can't tell you who they are'. I was confused as to how I was supposed to tell who it was and was racking my brain to figure it out, thinking it was some girl I work with who is going to be dissappointed when she finds out I don't swing her way until she told me it was him. He was the last person who I would have thought it was since he has a boyfriend. I'm pretty sure him and his boyfriend are having problems and from what I saw when I was at his party his boyfriend is really controlling. Well I saw him the next day at work and he walked up to me and was like 'hey what's up' and i said 'oh you know' and we just made small talk for a minute and then it got really quiet and we were just staring at each other for a little while and then he said well I gotta go and ran off. I was thinking that he might text me or say something to me about it but he never did, so earlier this week I decided that I would sasy something to him about it. We were sitting at the table in the breakroom and I wasn't sure if there was anyone in one of the adjoining rooms so I told him I had something to tell him later. Right after that his boyfriend called him and he talked to him for a few minutes and when he got off the phone he looked at me and said 'it really sucks having a boyfriend that is the complete opposite of you...' and then he told me that his boyfriend is jealous of me because 'we text all the time'. We don't text very much at all, I usually text him if I have a question (like the other day I texted him to see where they were doing the fireworks and if he was going to go watch) but that's about it. So I looked at him and said 'so what's up with that question I was asked the other day?' to which he looked really suprised and kinda faltered before saying 'Uh........ (then he looked away, for a few seconds, then looked back at me) That was really forward! I was just curious..' and then someone else walked in the breakroom so it stopped at that. The next day I asked him why he didn't ask himself and he said it was because he has a boyfriend ( didn't really make sense to me why he wouldn't have asked, i'm thinking he might have thought I said why he didn't ask me out). So I asked him why he had her ask me and he said he had a feeling and wondered if he was right. I invited him over to have a few drinks and go to the club tomorrow night for a mutual friend's going away party me and my roomate are throwing. I'm just so confused by him!! Stupid mixed signals Sorry that was so long. But what do you guys think? What would you do in this situation? I'm not a very forward person.. I don't know what to do!
I don't see any mixed signals here. He's interested in you. You appear to be interested in him. But I'd say before you proceed any further, you should decide how you feel about him in regards to him having a boyfriend. If you don't care that he has a boyfriend, so be it - go let him know you're interested. If you DO care, you should draw a line and let him know that. "Yeah, I'd be interested in you, but since you've already got a boyfriend, that's probably not something I want to get involved in." (There is roughly a 70% chance that this will lead to him saying that his boyfriend "won't care" if you two "fool around". And it'll be up to you how much to believe that.) One thing I wouldn't do is continue on in limboland, and playing the "let's see if something happens" game. Because when you two have a bit too much to drink at the party, and you start playing kissyface in the back bathroom, I'd just as soon not see another post from you asking "OK, now what?" Lex
Like I said, I'm fairly certain that they're having problems. I've already decided that nothing is going to happen as long as he has a boyfriend. However, I don't want him to break up with the boyfriend solely because he's interested in me.. Who's to say he wouldn't do the same to me if he found another guy he was interested in? I don't see him as the kind of guy to say his boyfriend won't care if we fool around. Also, I plan on controlling my drinking if I even do drink to make sure something I will regret later won't happen ---------- Post added 8th Jul 2011 at 10:17 PM ---------- oh and edit: i don't think he wanted her to say that he liked me, i think that was something that she added on but i'm not sure... so confused blah
>>>I've already decided that nothing is going to happen as long as he has a boyfriend. However, I don't want him to break up with the boyfriend solely because he's interested in me.. If he breaks up with his boyfriend because you said "I don't know if I'd want to get involved with somebody who already has a boyfriend", that relationship was doomed anyway. Just don't fall into the trap of thinking "Well, they're on the rocks anyway, so it's LIKE he doesn't have a boyfriend." It's better to make it clear that you're only interested in somebody who's unattached. >>>Who's to say he wouldn't do the same to me if he found another guy he was interested in? Always good to keep in mind. Lex
I'll echo what Lex is saying here for the most part. It's clear that he's into you, and it's clear his relationship with his BF is on the rocks. It also sounds like his BF might be the jealous/insecure type, which generally makes just about any relationship difficult to sustain in the long term. But I'll add one other thing to think about: The fact that he's proactively reaching out to you before having broken up with his current BF concerns me. It sounds a little like he wants to make sure he's got someone else to be with before he gives up on his current relationship, and that, to me, indicates a lack of integrity on his part. If he knows his current relationship isn't working, he owes it to himself and his BF to end it before he goes looking elsewhere. Otherwise, there's nothing to stop him from doing the same thing to you at some point. Now, that said, it doesn't mean that you absolutely shouldn't consider a relationship with him, but I would, if I were you, consider the context of the situation and decide for yourself if it's concerning. Then you can take whatever action you deem appropriate. And... I agree with you that starting anything with him before his current relationship has ended would be unwise. Keeping your own integrity intact is an important thing in maintaining a healthy relationship, and feeling good about yourself, so I think you're making the right choice here.
He really confuses me. You both say that he's clearly into me but the times we were supposed to hang out outside of work he hasn't shown. When I got off work today I asked him if he was still going to come and he said he would stop by for a bit but that he had to check with his boyfriend first and he never came. He texted my roomate and told her to call him when we got back from the club. We both texted him and he never replied or came.
He probably did not show up because of his boyfriend. It sounds like he is in a situation where he does not know what to do.
What would you do if you were in my shoes? I don't want to say anything that will make working together awkward or ruin our friendship. He's a pretty cool guy so if nothing happened I'd at least want to remain friends and don't want to say/do anything that would ruin our friendship.
