I'm a 46 year old gay man. I came out to most people in my life about 20 years ago. However, I'm back in school for bodywork. One of the guys in class - nice guy, but very macho and loves to talk about his bar fights when he was younger - asked me to meet him for a beer. I'm certain that he's not going to come out to me, so wipe that idea from your minds......:bang: The thing is, big macho guy could be open minded, or could be like I imagine him to be - homophobic. I'm pretty certain that he has no clue that I'm gay, so if the conversation comes to the girls in class, I'm going to have to just come out to him. I don't want to carry that lie on my shoulders anymore. This is not much easier than when I came out initially, or any other time that I have come out to people since then. It doesn't feel good to be rejected or shunned. On top of that, I've always drawn the line at coming out in places like the workplace or school, where someone who has more power than I do could inhibit my progress or success simply because they don't "agree with my lifestyle". As far as I'm concerned, employers and teachers can make whatever inferences that they want, but once you confirm it, everything can change. As you might see from my post, my worst enemy is the "what-if's" in my head - what if he laughs at me and walks away? What if my teachers' feelings for me change? What if the fundamentalist Christians in class refuse to work with me on the tables anymore for fear that a gay man is touching them? Leaving the safety of the known by being silent about my sexuality in school or at work has been impossible for me to cross as of yet, and I'm frankly pretty apprehensive about how it will all shake out. Thanks for any support you can give, guys (and ladies)! I haven't felt this way in years, and I'm feeling turned inside out.
be true to yourself, and do what you think is right, if he freaks out, too bad, how good could a friend like that be? and if he is ok with it, you'll have all the better of a friendship. best of luck
What if... so what?! You sound like you are a nice person.. you will have people on your side anyway, and if other people don't accept you or take you seriously or whatever, then it sucks for them! Granted, you don't have to tell everybody that you ever meet at all; but you don't have to feel obligated to lie..
i have tried a new tactic when guy friends are associates start talking about girls. i used to agree and comment or try and chime in to be a part of the bunch. now i do not say anything. i tried it recently. instead of saying sexually suggestive things about women or chiming in, i just said, yea she is attractive. or stuff like that. i just let them talk. nothing happened. i'm sure they wondered about me. but look, these are people that i am not going to see again, i dont know them and i dont feel like i have to say "yes, i'm into you and by the way, i think youre actually hot" to every dude that thinks i'm straight.
First off, welcome to EC! Like you said, you shouldn't have to carry that lie and having to watch what you say or not say to a friend. That may be true for some people, but for most people nothing changes after you confirm it. And most importantly, the people that truly matter will not change any of their behavior because they will see that you don't change as a person. Yeah, some people might take some time to get use it, but they will soon come around. The part about coming out in sports or politics has always been a pretty hard thing to deal with. Part of the reason is the fear of missing out on opportunities because of prejudice, but there have been success stories about athletes and politicians coming out and being able to be successful so it is possible. You know that you want to do it so try to not over thinking and go for it! Don't tell him like its a big dark secret and just happen to mention it. I'm sure it'll be fine. Best of luck!
