Hi. I'm new here and I just want to ask for some advice. Since about 13 I felt I like naked male body. Erection and stuff. The thing is that I don't want to be that way.:bang: I want to be normal. Sometimes I masturbate thinking about my male friends. But after I regret it. Becaude having them as friends (as true friends) means a lot more to me. I like female body too. But I get no erection, no matter how I relly relly enjoy it. Some times I think that the reaction I had when I fist knew about sex played its part. I tottally hated people knowing they were all doing it. The thought that my parents did it too was litteraly killing me. But I'm not a talkative guy. I never spurt out my feelings (maybe I think that's the only thing left my own). So know one really knew anything.:help: I want to be straight, not only for reasons of society, but for my own. Maybe for someone it's funny?:roflmao: But when I think of it I feel really terrible:tears: I don' want to ruin my life. One of my greatest wishes is to have a son. I don't want to put a cross on that.:help:
Welcome to EC! It sounds like you might well be gay. It is not such a bad thing, though; society is changing and people are generally more accepting. What is abnormal about homosexuality? It is no stranger to be attracted to the same sex as the opposite one, surely; it is only society that tells us this. You do not have to tell us, but what are your own reasons for wanting to be straight? Just because you are gay does not mean your life is ruined. There are now many countrys which will allow you to get married, adopt children, etc. You can still have a son, though you might have to move countrys. It is unlikely that everyone you know is having sex; many people have never had it but claim they have so that they will look cool. No-one here will laugh at you. Promise.
Hi, and welcome to EC! It seems likely from what you've said that you probably are gay, and if so, there isn't anything you can do to change that because it's a hardwired part of who you are. I realize that probably isn't what you want to hear, but it is the truth. There are no therapies or other techniques that have been shown to be effective in changing someone's sexual orientation. But the good news is, once you get past the mindset that it's bad and awful, I think you'll find that there's more acceptance for who you are, and plenty of other people just like you. I don't know what the political climate is in Armenia, but there are gay people all over the world and I guarantee that you can find them around you as you begin to look. Please stick around EC and read some of the coming out stories and other threads about people who have been struggling to accept their sexuality. I think you'll find it inspiring and helpful to you.
Hi again. I've had two posts so far and both said that I might be gay. Anyway, I wanna make some things clear. First of all i'm not that concerned about society accepting me, I'm concerned about I won't accept myself as gay. I just don't wish to be gay!! Second of all I admit that I get arroused when watching gay porn but it real it didn't prove to be so! Now, I've been to army for the past two years and I can't say I felt sexual attraction to any of my friens there. Second of all Armenian army can't afford having one stall in the shower room for every singe soldier, so we've been have shower two or three guys together. And again nothing!! I felt as usual as always! They were my friends and I didn't feel anything sexual even when seeing them naked! So what's my situation? Am I half-gay? Or maybe... I don't even know what this can be called? I'm looking at girls in real and for guys in porn. How to get rid of this? Another thing: I've had fantasies about guys that I know, sometimes. But when thinking of it really happening it wasnt that attracting, any more! I'm still confused about what I am regarding sexual affairs. Thanks to everybody in advance.
As far as not being aroused showering with your friends/army buds, that isn't uncommon at all. If you think about it, straight guys certainly don't get an erection from looking at every girl they see, so why would it be any different for gay men? One of the biggest fears that men who go to nudist or clothing-optional places have is getting unwanted erections or feeling arousal because of all the naked people. But the truth is, it almost never happens. And it's the same when you're showering with your army buds. Quite a few guys who are gay started out wishing they weren't gay. Some, even after accepting themselves, might still at some level wish they were straight, in the same way some people wish they were taller/shorter/buffer/skinnier/etc. But unfortunately, wishing you weren't attracted to guys won't make it so. Where you find the truth about yourself is where your attractions lie. If you're fantasizing about men, watching men in porn, thinking about men... then you're gay. If you can honestly say you are fantasizing about women, watching them in porn, etc... then you've got some bisexual tendencies, but given what you've said so far, I suspect that's more of a rationalization and wanting to be straight than a genuine attraction toward women.
I think wishing you weren't gay is a pretty common experience when you first start to really delve into (and hopefully ultimately accept) your sexuality. You say you don't have much issue with society and its expectations, but then you also say you just want to be "normal." Well, what is normal if not a statement of society's judgment about you? You may not think you're worried about society, but it sounds like you may have (even subconsciously) internalized what "society" thinks of being gay. You don't have to take anyone's word for who and what you are. It's up to you whether you accept certain things or not. I will say, from personal experience, that continuously rejecting your identity leads one to expend a tremendous amount of energy that would be better spent on other things. It can make you pretty miserable. And, no matter how much you think accepting your identity might negatively impact your life, accepting yourself is almost invariably a positive step. It frees up all that energy to spend on the right emotional things.
I don't even know what to say. When I say I didn't get hard, I don't mean I was aroused but managed to keep my boner, I mean I wasn't aroused!!!!!! Anyway, the fact is that I dream about guys, but in real life I fall in love with girls!!!! I have fallen in love 3 times already, got disappointed in them, each of them, and don't have a girlfriend now. Anyway, what I'm trying to say is that ever in my life have I fallen in love with a guy!!! Everybody keeps telling me to accept I'm gay, but can't anyone advice something to forget about this, or to learn living without noticing this, or to get rid of this??? Maybe I'm dumb but this far I'm not content with any post!! You can't even imagine how hard it is for me to make friends!! I always feel guilty!!! I don't want them to know what porn I'm watching (to cut it sharp), so they don't feel uncomfortable with me, I just want to be friends with them, but if they find out my secret, they are going to think that the only thing I see in them is their ass (figureally speaking). Anyway, this stuff is interfering with my life, that's why I want get rid if it!! There has to be some way!!! Believe me it's difficult to be gay in my country, and I don't even want to!!!! What should I do?? Sorry for my bad English!!!
Most gay people, at some point, want intensely not to be gay. Most try not to be--some people try for decades. Everything in our experience tells us that it never, ever works. Gay people who don't want to be gay do not become straight; instead, they are just miserable gay people. Attempts to change your sexual orientation are not only not successful, but are actually harmful. They result in many other psychological problems, and just make you hate yourself more than you already do. I know this isn't the answer you want to hear right now, but it's the only one that's true. If you are gay, it isn't something that you can "get rid of" by any means. It is a part of you that can't be changed, a core part of who you are. You can accept it, and hopefully even embrace it one day, and have a full, satisfying life--or, you can deny it and ignore it, and live forever with shame, secrets, and self-hatred, never letting even those closest to you know who you really are. But either way, it will always be a part of you. We can't help you to stop being gay. It isn't possible. The only way we know for gay people to be happy and content, instead of miserable, is to come to terms with their sexuality and realize that it's a natural part of who they are. If you like, we will try to help you with that.
If you want to get over your desire to watch gay porn, just stop watching gay porn. Perhaps the longer you go without it, the less you'll miss it. And if you're not watching gay porn, you're not reminding yourself that you like gay porn, and in turn you're not left wondering if you're gay. Try that. My own experience was similar to yours. I thought I was straight. I figured I would get married to a woman. Eventually I did meet a woman, "fall in love", get married, and have a family. But all the while I continued to watch gay porn. I never had a crush on a male friend. I never got arroused in the showers at school. But I think all of that was a product of society's conditioning of me. I was expected to get married to a woman and have a family. So that's what I did. But I wasn't happy. And eventually my use of gay porn escalated to having online interactions with men. And eventually meeting with other men. And in the end there was no denying the fact that I at least preferred having sex with men over women. But like you, I never contemplated a relationship with a man. But once I accepted that I was (likely) gay, I opened myself to the possibility of having a relationship with another man. And when I thought about it, I was OK with the idea. And when I actually met someone who I really connected with, I fell in love. And I mean I really fell in love. Above, when talking about my ex wife, I used quotation marks ("") when talking about loving her. Because I didn't know how strong love could feel or how good it could make me feel until I fell in love with a man. So because you can't see yourself in a relationship with a man now doesn't mean you wno't in the future. It might be a function of you not wanting to be in a relationship with a man - because of your environment and what other people might think. That was certainly the case with me.
Thanks to everyone, fist of all. i never thought I could ever help on this matter, or even share this with anybody. Thanks a lot!!! Now I mnage pretty good i hiding "who I am" and I think I can go on doing so in future. I'm sure I will fall in love with a woman someday and have a happy life, maybe not happy sex-life, but everyday life will certainly be happy. The latest posts made think a lot and this is my conclusion, I should keep hiding in order not to hate myself more than I already do. Anyway, the only thing I'm afraid of is that what will happen to my wife or girlfriend if she found out my secret. I'm already dating someone and it seems pretty serious now. I just don't want her to find out just because I don't wan't to hurt her. I feel like I have to make her happy, and in the course, try to make myself happy. Recently I started worrying aboung my sex health, since I don't know that much about the thing. Anyway, I'm not sure how capable it is asking about this here, so if it's ot, you just tell me, and I'll asking suc questions. So first thing is that my testicles aren't hung, but stuck tight to my penis. Is this normal, do I have to be concerned abou something? Second, I don't cum as much as I used to when I started masturbating several years ago. Now, in my approximate measures, I can hardly fill a tea-spoon. Third, I can't shoot semen any more, like I used to before. The semen just flows out with no visable force. Please tell me if I should see a doctor for anything described above, and if this isn't the place fo asking such questions, please tell me so.
Wow, someone from Armenia! That's a first on this site. I know alot of Russian-Armenians from Baku in Seattle. Do you happen to speak Russian btw? (i'm fluent in both English and Russians, parents are from Ukraine)
I think before you totally commit to hiding your true self for the rest of your life you should read some of the threads written by men that married women and are now dealing with coming out later in life. I know this route probably seems the best route now but if you accept being gay you wouldnt have to deal with guilt for the rest of your life.
