This is continued from my old thread, http://emptyclosets.com/forum/support-advice/48089-weird-relationship-situation.html It was M's birthday today. As I said before, M and J had been rocky, but today J told me that they'd talked and the situation was now that their relationship was open. However, she also told me that M said he would never be ok with the idea of me and J together. Today, we kissed, behind his back for the first time. We kissed several times. The last one turned into a semi-long make-out session. We both really want each other, but because of my friendship with M, and the fact that he's my house mate at uni, it is going to be extremely difficult. I feel really horrible because I've come between them and caused this massive strain, and now my friendship with M is at risk. I'm scared that I'll lose his friendship. I'm scared that I'll lose her. I feel lost and guilty, and I don't know what to do. :help:
You need to decide what is important to you. Your friendships or a romance that is not likely to last because of guilt and all the complications that are going to come up from the cheating that forged it. Franky ask yourself this can you trust the person that is willing to cheat on your friend and hurt them? My advice is cool it and both of you come clean and hope for forgiveness.
I'd honestly say back up before this gets out of control. I partially agree with what Bibliophile said about a relationship that started with cheating, but I think that what Lex told you in your first thread still stands. J needs to break up with M, if it is actually the case that she's gay and her boyfriend doesn't know. They need to break up for themselves. It will likely be hard for both of them in different ways and might take time for them to recover from that. THEN, and only THEN would it be the time to consider whether or not you're willing to risk M's friendship by dating J. It would need to be done very carefully, if at all. Secrets and lies won't accomplish what you want. If she's worth it, I say go for it, but it looks like you'd lose M over it and if you're not okay with that, then there could be resentment and hurt all around. Which isn't a good way to start off a relationship. But like I said before, it may be best for you to talk to J about it and then take a step back. In the heat of the moment together, it's tough to think about this rationally, but taking time for careful consideration can mean the difference, in terms of handling this hard situation with grace and sensitivity.
Hey guys. I am pleased to say I have AMAZING news for you. J and I had a text conversation earlier today, where she told me that she and M had actually broken up already, but she had to keep pretending for the sake of M's birthday. Meaning, that what we did technically wasn't cheating. She said the reason it had to be kept a secret was to not upset him, not because she was still with him. Anyhow, I asked her to clarify our relationship status, and we reckon it's going to be difficult starting a relationship at the moment, because it will begin long-distance. So I think we are 'unofficially together', and wary of who we tell about it. J said that M's argument for not liking the idea of us together was 'It would be weird'. Hopefully this means that at some point he might come to accept it. She is now trying to organize so that we go over to hers later this evening, so I will get to see her again once more before I leave the country for the summer. After that, we're just going to have to do a very good job of keeping in contact. Here's hoping that things work out! Thanks to all who replied to this thread.
Awesome I've been rooting for you since I first heard about this whole J business, due to similarities in this and me and my girlfriend's story. Still got my fingers crossed for you, but it sounds like you're well on your way to having things settle into place.
Thanks, it's good to know someone understands, I briefly tried telling my mum what was going on and she gave me a massive lecture about 'not dating friends' exes'... *sigh* Thing is, I do see her point, but at the same time...gah my head is in a muddle still! lol I think my next debate is whether it's possible to keep up a friendship with M if it gets to the point that J and I decide to take things further and be together seriously.
