Ok, I'm in my mid twenties and admitting I'm bi. Never done anything with a guy never really even liked a guy past physical attraction. Known this guy for 2 years, very attractive.. he has helped me losse aot of weight I look the best I ever have. He is in his mid twenties not only attractive but I dig his personality.he has a ton of friends and really into sports. But like I said really attractive but doesn't date. I don't get it, he also told me once that he doesn't need a girl. He has done other things that make me speculate but that's all it is. When we talk about girls he gets quite and says nothing, which I don't get. Is it me? Not sure what to do in this situation, we don't hangout. I just want to know what to do. Ask him somehow without offending him or just forget it because I proably made this whole thing up in my head? Any advice would be appreciated.
I make a lot of silly things up in my head too. This one time I had a similar situation and thought someone I liked was gay. So I told him that I liked him and apparently he was straight. We never talked since. Give it some time to gather your thoughts and you'll see things more clearly.
Welcome to EC! You MAY be doing something I call "convenience crushing". It's especially common with people in the closet. That's when you find someone in your life, and you start noticing "signs" that this person is also gay/bi, and perhaps interested in you. Because hey, that way you can hook up with somebody, and you don't have to bother coming out or anything. And on paper, this guy sounds nearly ideal. He knows you, but he's not a really good friend, so you wouldn't be jeopardizing a friendship by trying something with him. It sounds like you know him from the gym, which means you're doing physical things together already. And he doesn't talk about girls, so there's that. What you've told us is suggestive, but certainly not more than that. Should you forget it? I don't think so. I'd say go ahead and ask. I'd do it in a friendly way, and choose a place and time to make it less awkward. (Not in the gym shower.) You might bring it up in context of past conversations. "Whenever I mention girls, you tend to get kinda quiet. It suddenly occurred to me - 'well, maybe he's gay'. If you are, that's totally cool - I just don't want to keep bringing the topic up if it makes you uncomfortable." Lex
lex wow, convenience crushing...that is so right on. that was something i did as well. looking for things out of convenience because it meant that i did not have to get out there with other gay people and really put myself out there. You might bring it up in context of past conversations. "Whenever I mention girls, you tend to get kinda quiet. It suddenly occurred to me - 'well, maybe he's gay'. If you are, that's totally cool - I just don't want to keep bringing the topic up if it makes you uncomfortable." not sure i agree with this style. how about...."hey i know we have mentioend girls before, but we're cool so i feel like i can trust yah. well, i kinda like guys. still kinda figuring things out. just didnt want to lie and stuff when we're talking about chicks. is that cool?" then he may say "oh ok, yea that fine". i personally would just leave it alone after that and just act regular. see if you guys can still be friends afterwards. if he likes you, then maybe he will feel more comfortable coming out to you if he is gay or needs a friend. i think by doing this you kinda "open the door" for him. if he is interested in you, i think he will walk through the door or atleast knock on it. if he doesn't, it means he is straight or maybe just not ready. either way, you can't force him to like. good luck. just realize that all communication may end. also, he may act like nothing has changed, and you still wont know.
Thanks for the advice, after stepping back and looking the situation over its highly unlikely he is gay or bi and if he is he isn't out or comfortable about it. But then he tells me that I look good in a sleeve less shirt and I should wear them more often? Would it be stupid to tell him how I feel anyway? because for some reason I really like him.
