This is seriously the most mature help site on the net, and I know that this doesn`t have to do with my sexuality but I need a bit of help here. It`s been 7 months in a straight relationship, so I'm with a boy. He hasn't told me he loves me yet, but I have told him at the 4 month mark. So I'm aware that he probably doesn't love me because we can't use the excuse that he's afraid because he KNOWS it's a mutual feeling. Then again, there is always the possibility he's afraid I'll hurt him if he puts all his heart out to me. I know that he's had his heart broken really bad in the past. But anyway, my boyfriend isn't a jerk because if he was I would of left him by now. We have our fights, but who doesn't in a relationship? We always make up and nothing between us changes, as in he doesn't look at me differently. The problem is - I have serious trust issues because of what has happened in the past. I'm aware that it doesn't excuse me from being normal, but I'm having a hard time getting over it. However, even when I freak out an accuse him of things that aren't true (not anything serious like cheating, but say, for example, the fact that I think he doesn't care about me which I'll get to in a second) he STILL supports me and stays with me even though I've hurt him. We have gone all the way and we do it often, and I at first thought that maybe he didn't respect me because I put out to soon (i put out within a month). He took it as we just hit it off right away. I was getting concerned, because I've asked other sites before if that was the case and I believe the comment went like this: '' If he gets sex whenever he wants, why would he need to commit to you?'' but thinking level headed now I don't see why this would be an issue, I know that some men care a lot about sex, but my point is my boyfriend is only 20, and I took his virginity. So isn't that NORMAL that they want sex a lot? The answer is yes, and this doesn't make him a scum guy. If I don't want to have sex with him, he leaves me alone. Before I continue, my boyfriend has never given me a reason not to trust him. I know I'm going to sound bad, but I've tried little things to see if he would lie to me and he hasn't lied to me on anything. His own mother even told me that he can be so honest sometimes that it gets him into trouble because he simply just can't lie, he wasn't raised that way. I have a feeling I'm special in his life, I mean I`m around his best friends and his family, which a lot of people in other help sites seem to skim over. I thought that if your boyfriend brings you around his family he actually considers you important in his life. His whole family that I've met likes me to the point they invite me out on family-only vacations like going to the cottage. I'm best friends with his mother and I always have long conversations with her, I can even call her if I have a problem with work, school or so on. My boyfriend spends money on me anyway he can if he can. Plus he picks me up from my house in his car even though I'm almost an hour away from him without him asking me to pay gas (but I still offer). My mother also likes him, he's always there for me when I need it even if he's at his friends house he'll still talk to me if I'm upset. He always says he can't wait to see me and that he misses me all the time and cares about me more and more each day. If spoken to older women and I heard that the fact he cares about my sexual needs is a big deal, and yes, if I don't finish by the time he has he doesn't just stop even if he's tired. Also, I HAVE spoken to him about the love thing, I asked him strait up if he loves me and he told me that he has a connection with me and that he knows that he could very well love me and that he was close to saying it because but he got scared. I don't know what to think about this because I'm afraid that he's holding out a fish hook and before I can catch it he reals it back so I'm always grabbing at it. I basically feel like he might be stringing me along. I could go on about what he does for me, so my question is, is it my insecurities (because I'm not afraid to admit that I am) that's making me think he's stringing me along? Am I just too hung up on the 3 letter word? Sorry if my grammar sucks. Thank you in advance for all of your help.
He sounds like a great guy, who just happens to have issues with the word "love". I think it's probably just you being worried where you needn't be. I mean, I don't know him, obviously, but from what you said it sounds like he loves you, just hasn't said that exactly. Give him time. It's only been a handful of months that you have been saying it to him, he'll likely come around eventually (*hug*)
The only thing I can think to add to this is that it maybe that you two speak two different languages when it comes to showing emotions. I have had this issue myself. I tend to show more by actions then words and I have had a few partners that this caused issues with because they wanted to hear me say things more then show them and I wanted them to show me and not just say it. That takes some time and effort to work out. So you both might want to talk about what you think are the best ways of showing love and affection.
Thanks, I think you're right though. But I'm very level headed about the relationship now, I know that I can't change him because I wouldn't want to, he's fine the way he is. But when I get emotional I seem to loose track at how important he is to me. We just need to work on communication so that I can trust him, because he's never given me a reason not to.
