Hello, I had a couple of questions. First, can a gay guy have sexual relations with a female? Recently, I discovered that I was bisexual when I started having feelings for another guy. This guy, who I will call BG, has done several things that got me thinking that he might be interested in me. For instance, he tends to hug me a lot and rest his head on my shoulder; he has also, kissed me on the cheek; he's picked me up and told me I smell really good for a guy; he's told me that sometimes he feels queer around me; he tends to stare at me a lot; he tends to get really close to me when we are talking; other friends joke around and say stuff like, "he loves you"; he's text me before thanking me for letting him "live" because I remind him of good times; every time we hang out he says stuff like, "I'm not queer", and I ask him why he always has to bring up the topic of sexuality, his response is "I'm a very insecure person". Anyways, I know that he has had sexual relations with women before (he had sex with a really close friend of mine, female). Some of my friends think that he has sex with women to try to force himself to be straight. I don't know, can a gay guy have sex with women? My next question has to do with the mixed signals he sends to me. The stuff that he does and the way that he reacts towards me, is he interested in me? Is he bi, straight, or gay? Could it just be me seeing this and thinking he might be interested because I want him to? Is it just my mind telling me that he is interested because it makes me feel good because I have feelings for him. Sorry, it's almost a year since all these started, and I'm going freaking crazy. Anyways, if anyone is interested, here is the complete story, warning though, it's very long. Thanks for all your advice. http://emptyclosets.com/forum/support-advice/46243-how-do-you-know-if-guy-interested-you.html
Hi and first thing welcome to EC for one thing, yes, it's definitly possible for gay men to have sex with a woman. Wouldn't that be the case, we wouldn't have so many members on EC feeling trapped in a marriage when realizing they're gay. Now it is possible that your friend is sleeping with woman to delude himself and to convince himself that he is straight, but that's something he only knows (and maybe he is in such a denial that he doesn't know himself.) From what you describe, he indeed is sending you mixed signals. That is possible that he is gay, or bi, but that he is still in denial, or very confused by his sexuality, or completly closeted. But that is something that once again, only he knows. Now, what can you do from here ? My main question would be : are you out to him ? Because if you're not, that is probably the place to start. That doesn't mean he is going to come out to you right away, but at least, he will know where you stand and won't be afraid to come out to you if he wants too. If you're already out to him, maybe it would be great to let him know that he can talk to you about any worry he may have. Once again, that doesn't mean he will come out to you right away, but maybe all that he needs is some encouragements. I hope this can help a little. Take care, Cécile
Hi, and thanks so much for your advice. No, I'm still not out to anyone yet. I'm also very confused about my sexuality. I have been with women before, never with a man. But this past year has been very confusing for me. I realized that I started having feelings for BG. I don't know how to deal with that because I'm still very much into women, could I possibly be bi? Then, I hear from many people that you are either gay or straight, but I feel that I might be bi. If he is bi or gay, I doubt he will ever come out because of his family. He was raised in a very conservative Christian home. Most of the time he speaks very negative about homosexuality and has told us that he feels very weird when being around gay men. One day we were hanging out with a friend of a friend (who is gay); BG started acting weird and giving the guy really ugly looks and speaking really negative about homosexuals. So, I doubt he will ever come out, if he is bi or gay. Once again, thank you so much for your advice. :icon_bigg
Yeah, I remember your story, and I really think your friend is in some heavy denial there. Even so, if he is, it doesn't mean that he will never come out. It may actually take you coming out to him first. Do you think you can trust him with that?
Ok, so 2 things : 1/ no people are not either straight or gay. Some people are straight, some are gay, some are bi and equally attracted to both gender, some are bi but more attracted to one gender than the other, some are straight but occasionnaly can be attracted to the same sex and some are gay but occasionnaly can be attracted to the opposite sex. Every combining do exist. So it is possible that you're bisexual. Or that you're mainly straight but on occasion attracted to some guys (like BG for instance). And in both cases, it's perfectly ok and you don't even have to figure out any label if you don't feel like it. Just be who you are 2/ I don't know if you're having any hopes that you and BG could end up together, but in case you do, I think it would be far more reasonable to drop them before you ended up hurt. I don't know if your friend is bi or gay, but from what you said if he is, he is not going to accept it any time soon, let alone being able to be in a healthy relationship with a man. What I suggest is that, next time he will make homophobic comments in front of you, you let him know that it's ok to be gay and that nobody should be discriminated for who they love. If you're feeling confident enough, you can even seize the occasion to tell him that on occasion you're attracted to some guys yourself. Whith a bit of luck, and a huge amount of time, this will help him to come to terms with his own issues. But I doubt it would be reasonable to expect that any kind of relationship would result from this. So I think it would be better to keep it strictly to a friendship level, and to seek for men who have already dealt with their sexuality and accepted it if you want to experiment what a relationship with a guy could be and if it would be something you'd like. Take care, Cécile
Thank you guys for reading and replying. CrazyAntFarm, I don't know if I can trust him with this. I have a feeling that he will act negative about it. You're right Eleanor, I should try to move on and experiment with someone that has already dealt with this and can help me find myself, see what it is I like and don't like. Again, thanks for reading and replying guys. :icon_bigg
Moving on may be best, and if that's what you decide, then good luck. I hope you are able to come to terms with your feelings for him. Something tells me that your "story" with him will continue in some fashion, so keep us updated on what you decide.
Thank you CrazyAntFarm for taking the time to read my post and for your advice. Thank you my emptyclosets friend!
