I think that my mum and sister suspect I'm gay and I'm worried. I know that they think homosexuality is wrong and unnatural. Recently they seem to repeatedly be asking questions that give me the impression they think I might be gay, but they ask in a way that shows that they are are mixture of worried/panicked/horrified. Just to give you some examples of how ridiculously unsubtle it is: (my mum after having pointed out a male lifeguard to me) Do you like him? What kind of man do you like? I've never known. Blonde? Dark haired? Did you get a boyfriend on holiday? ....or any girlfriends (accompanied by panicked searching look at my reaction to this) You'll probably have a boyfriend to go on holiday with next year? wouldn't you? you would right? I just keep kind of laughing, ignoring the question or changing the subject. I think she wants reassurement that I'm not gay but I can't give that to her because I would be lying. I identify as bisexual, I have been (and think I still am) attracted to men (less so than I am to women) and I could potentially date one in future, but I feel if I affirm that attraction to my mum she will breathe this massive sigh of relief that i'm not a lesbian. I don't think she comprehends the idea that you can be attracted to men and women. One day soon I think she'll just outright ask me and I will have to tell the truth then. I want to come out to my family at some point but I don't feel ready and I feel like they're forcing me to have to tell them by their repeated comments. I'm scared. I know the reaction isn't going to be a good one and I know it will change things. I'd like to come out on my own terms but I feel pressured. I don't what to do.
I guess that would depend. Are you still living with your mother? "Did you get a boyfriend on holiday?" suggests you're not, but I guess you still could be. If you are, feel free to keep being evasive. It's not that difficult if you put a mind to it. "Do you like him? What kind of man do you like? I've never known. Blonde? Dark haired?" "(shrug) Hard to tell. I'd have to talk to him some, get to know him. I guess I'm not somebody who pants after someone across the room." "Did you get a boyfriend on holiday? ....or any girlfriends?" "Nope, no boyfriends. (smile) Or girlfriends either. But if I do land one, I'll be sure to keep you in the loop." "You'll probably have a boyfriend to go on holiday with next year? wouldn't you? you would right?" "Perhaps. I'm not against the idea. Lots of time between then and now. We'll see who I meet, and if anything develops." If you're no longer living with them, then it'll be up to you when and where to tell them. I'm guessing you'll do better directing this conversation than being pinned into a corner. Come at it from a position on knowledge, of calm acceptance, of education. You're letting them know "This is how it is". If they want to argue that it's wrong, or that bisexuals don't exist, or anything else, don't let it faze you. You can simply say "I'm bisexual. I've known this for some time, and I can guarantee you that this is real." Don't argue beyond that point. They may need time to get used to it. If so, give it to them. Lex
