Well, I would have posted this yesterday, but I was at my dad's house and they really keep track of what people do on the computer. I came out to my grandma...I didn't plan to, but I just kinda did. I went to her house for most of the day because I really don't get to see her that often. So I helped her put up her Christmas tree and such and then we went out to dinner. I originally was planning on coming out to my mom first, but while we were eating I started thinking. My grandma is the nicest person that I have ever met and I knew she would be the person least likely to judge me...so I started to play around with the idea of telling her. When we got back to her house we were looking at old photo albums and started talking about the past and family and such. My grandma helps at the church and goes to a bible group, so to try and make sure I wouldnt freak her out by me coming out, I started to ask her about religion. I guess that she was able to observe that I was leading towards something and that something was bothering me. She asked me if it was my parents divorce that was bothering me (my parents got divorced when I was like 3 or 4). I told her that the divorce wasnt it, and then I just told her that I was gay. I didnt actually tell her that fast, it took a few moments. For a while, all I could say was "I am...I am...etc". I couldnt get the word gay out. I guess she took it okay. She told me that I was her grandson and that she would love me no matter what I was. That I wasnt alone and that I could come and talk to her anytime. However, she was kinda in denial too...She kept saying how we couldn't be sure if I was or not (despite me telling her I was) and that it could be a phase. Then she was also reccommending that I go talk to her pastor... I guess I'm happy with coming out for the first time, she didn't really freak out...though in restropect, I really wish I didnt come out, staying in the closet was so much easier. I just don't know what to do now...My first instinct was to avoid my grandma for a little bit and let the matter drop...but I dont think that would be the right thing. Should I go see the pastor or would he just tell me that I'm going to hell because I'm gay...I'm so confused and I dont know what to do...
Hi Muzzy, I think you just need to give your grandma a bit of time to adjust to things, she sounds like a truely lovely lady. You have to understand this news probably came out of the blue for her so she wouldn't have been prepared to say the right thing so, as I know from experience, you tend to say all sorts of silly things that pass through your brain under the shock of it all. I think your grandma probably needs to talk to you about it. I would suggest that you get her some resourses. Ask Becky she works for Pflag which has loads of info. for parents. If you avoid your grandma it makes it all the more difficult for her to bring up the subject with you and consequently sort things out in her mind. If you are a church goer it might be worth going to see the pastor. Not all pastors are completely closed minded about homosexuality. There is more and more enlightenment in the church over homosexuality... it still has a long way to go. If you do speak to your pastor you will soon find out which sort he is. If he starts banging on about hell fires and damnation, thank him very much for his time, excuse yourself for bothering him, get up and walk out. If he is open, careing and kind I'm siure he will be able to help you with your coming out to your mum and dealing with her shock, and your grandma will be pleased that you listened to her advice. As parents/grandparents we are often at a loss to know what to advise our loved ones. Your grandma is a churchgoer so it is normal that she advised you to seek help from the pastor. So to resume, talk to your grandma, get her some resources and see if your pastor is a 'modern' pastor or not. Good luck (*hug*)
Good advice Louise! Congratulations Muzzy for coming out to your Grandma! The first person you tell should be the person most likely to just give you a big hug!!! Grandmas are great for that!
Muzzy, I would be happy to mail some information to your Grandmother directly. First, ask her if she would like the info and then you can PM me with her address. You didn't say what church your grandmother attends, that could make a difference in whether you should put yourself out there to the minister or not. Most ministers will be loving and kind while thinking you need "rehabilitated" all at the same time. You are just fine the way you are and if the minister tries to do this, then walk as Louise suggested.
Congrats Muzzy! Sounds like a good Grandma. Louise gives the good advice, definately you should use it. Talk a bit more to your grandma about it as well, she seems understanding and can help you get through the times, you'd want someone to stick up for you as well just in case your parents don't like the idea of you being gay.
