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A general sense of confusion and worry.

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Wylde, Jul 14, 2011.

  1. Wylde

    Regular Member

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    I apologize in advance for how long this post got. A lot to explain, I guess.
    I ended up rewriting this three times. Go me.

    I'm transgendered, FtM. A man trapped in a woman's body. Or at least I think I am, I'm 80% sure, let's say. However (please note I'm not sure what the norm is because I don't know any transgendered people, nor have I found ANY info on it), I'm not into women. At all. So, as my friend says, I'm a gay man trapped in a woman's body.

    I have a bit of trouble coming to terms with my own feelings because I figure if I like men, why not like being a woman? But everytime I see myself I just don't feel like I fit in my body. So, over the past year, I've come to realise what I am and I'm starting to accept it.

    I actually came out to a friend of mine the other night and told her (through the internet, as she doesn't live where I do) that I was FtM. In a really round-about way, sure. She just kind of laughed at me and said she'd figured. I was a little shocked about this, but was happy that she was supportive. So, sicne I've told her, I've become a bit more comfortable with it. I've switched my gender over to male on a few other sites where I had it set to female, which was oddly freeing to me and probably proof I'm on the computer too much.

    My biggest problem now is telling my other friends. I really, really want to tell my best friend. She's pretty excepting of things, but I'm really worried that this might make it awkward for us, especially since we're going to be staying together for two weeks in another country, as part of an exchange. I really want to tell her before hand, because I don't want to be worrying the whole trip, but at the same time I don't want to tell her because it might make things awkard. Another person I'm worried about telling is my boyfriend of three years. He's a really cool guy, I love him to bits, but he's also my best friend. We've known each other since we were really little, and I don't want to scare him off. I know he's pretty accepting of gays, but I don't know if he'll be excepting of me and my special case. And for now, man, I'm not even trying to worry about my parents, though I almost corrected my mother to 'boy' when she addressed me and our family's dog as 'her girls'.

    My second problem, which perhaps might be a bit more important than the above one. I have no clue how to tell people! I mean, it's not something I've ever tried to explain to someone before, and most of my friends are pretty ignorant about stuff like this (except for one of my friends, who I know is lesbian), but generally accepting people. I just... don't know how to explain to them who I am.

    So, I'm asking for advice, guidance, help, whatever you can offer.
    Thank-you in advance.
     
  2. Eleanor Rigby

    Full Member

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    Hi and first thing welcome to EC :slight_smile:

    I am not the most experienced person about transgender issues on EC, but I am other people and especially the other transgender members are going to relate to what you're going through and will provide you help and support.

    As far as I know, gender identity and sexual orientation are two different things. That is not unusual for FtM to be attracted to men and to identify as gay, nor is it for MtF to be attracted to female and to identify as lesbian. Transgender people can be straight, gay or bi, just like everyone else. But I do admit being trangender and gay doesn't make things any easier.

    Now how do you tell your friends and family ? This is definitly not something I have any experience with but I think that keeping it simple is the best way to do it. Tell them that you feel that you are a man trapped in a woman body and that you have been feeling this way for a long time. Also, I think that it might be better not to drown them under too many informations at once. Let them know they can ask whatever questions they want to, and try to asnwer them as honestly and simply as you can.
    Here is a link to a Pflag booklet that you may find helpful to come out to your friends and family : http://community.pflag.org/Document.Doc?id=202

    Also keep in mind that coming out is not a race. That's something you have to do at your own pace and as long as you're comfortable with it. It's completly fine to come out to friends and not family, or to some friends first and not to others.

    I hope it can help a little.
    Take care, Cécile
     
  3. Wylde

    Regular Member

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    Thank-you for the reply.

    It's just nice to have someone else confirm that I'm not completely insane. And thank-you very much for the advice on how to tell people, and the link to the booklet. When I do finally tell my parents, it will be helpful to have that to show them.

    I'm starting to feel more comfortable with myself already, even just being on this forum for under a day, but I guess I could really use some more advice, especially on telling my friends.