So, yesterday I went to a therapist for the first time. I told her I was raped six years ago. Today I don't feel so good about telling her. I'm feeling like I did something wrong. Instead of feeling better and feeling like I can move on I feel bad again. I'm on the verge of tears and I'm thinking I should have never said anything. Ugh. I just want to go to back to bed and forget this.
I dont see why telling her would be wrong. Im assuming that eventually you would want to discuss with her anyhow. Maybe what is actually bothering you is resurfacing some of these emotions that are connected to the actual incident, which is all part of the healing process. I wish you the best of luck. Try not to stress too much about all this and focus on what you are actual trying to achieve by seeing a therapist.
Look, I've never been sexually assaulted, I haven't the faintest idea how hard it would be to talk about, but I would think that it's something you felt you needed to do or else you wouldn't have told her at all. So you're on the right track. It's not easy to tell someone you don't know things that hurt inside, that I do know a little bit about, and I know that those hurts can heal with a little help to care for them. That's therapy. It's hard while you're at it, but it's miraculous how awesome it feels to have worked through your stuff. (*hug*)
What you're experiencing is the surfacing of the feelings you suppressed when the rape happened. It's completely normal. There's a sense of shame that comes of telling someone, and as the feelings start to surface, your conscious and unconscious are fighting and there's blame going on... the part of you that's saying "I should have resisted more" or "If I'd done _______________, then it wouldn't have happened" and all sorts of other false notions that your unconscious floats out there. You definitely did the right thing by telling your therapist. Once the feelings surface and you are able to process them, you'll actually feel a lot better.
Chip was totally right in what was said. Its like a wound that has gotten infected. Sure cleaning it out hurts like hell and its going to bleed again but that is what it will take for the wound to heal properly. It will take time and a lot of emotional pain but trust me its all part of the healing process.
What you're experiencing is completly normal. As Chip said, talking about it makes resurfacing the feelings and emotions linked to the rape. Working on these feelings and emotions is going to take a lot more time than just one session with your therapist, especially as rape is something extremly damaging. But yes, you definitly did the right thing. It's going to be difficult for a while, but working with your therapist is going to make you feel a lot better in the end. Take care of yourself (*hug*) Cécile
you are feeling bad because you are detoxing yourself from the toxic situation that happened to you years ago. think about it, when people go on a natural healthy food detox, before the "detox" they feel fine. however, when they go through the detox, they initially feel sick because all the toxins are starting to leave the body and the body has become used to having the flith and waste in there. after they go through the detox process, they often say "boy those first couple of days and weeks were bad, i didnt think i could make it through but now i feel great, my skin looks better than it ever has before, i feel more energized, etc.". right now you are going through a mental detox. you gotta get that bad situation up and out and deal with it so you can feel better. you'll be better for it in the long run.