1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Moved to a new city... Don't really know how to make new friends :S

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Steven791, Jul 16, 2011.

  1. Steven791

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Apr 30, 2011
    Messages:
    68
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Tulsa, OK
    Hi everyone..
    I just moved to a city about a month and a half ago.. And I realized that I really suck at making friends. The two times that I've moved I didn't have any problem making new friends because of school. But now I've moved out on my own and I'm not in school. My friend from back home moved with me and we had one friend who lived here already, but he doesn't hang out with us too much. I love my roomate to death, but she isn't very sociable (not that I am.. She wants to go out and have fun but the few times we have went to the club together she just stands there and doesn't want to do anything, but then gets mad at me when I go out without her with the one friend I have made here since we moved...) When I moved I figured I would make new friends at work, but that hasn't happened, most of the people at my work are pretty antisocial. I've tried joining online websites, but everyone that I have talked to on there isn't looking for just friends. If I ever go anywhere I can't just go up to someone and strike up a conversation, I'm more of one of those people that stands in the corner quietly. If someone were to come up and talk to me, then I would. Is there anyone else that's like me that has advice on making new friends? :help::help::help:
     
  2. thylvin

    thylvin Guest

    Joined:
    Jun 11, 2011
    Messages:
    837
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Windhoek
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Hi man, i would love to be your friend. i love having friends. I was the same when i moved to the city, in fact, i didn't know anyone in the city at all. At the work, though there were people i brefriended myself with, but not what you would call friends.

    We did go out to the clubs a couple of times, then we went to this one house party a couple of months later. There i met a guy who i thought, ok, this guy can be my friend. We met a couple of times afterwards, untill i met his brother. We got on amously, were riends for almost a decate, through him i also made lots of other friends as well.

    I'm not the kind of person that will go to a person and strike up a conversation, i'm realy shy to do that, like what should we talk about. I have to see a person a couple of times before i am comfortable to strike up a conversation with that person. On-line is a different thing all together, it's like i am two different people, i chat alot LOL.

    So what i am trying to tell you is: Hang in there, there is a right friend for you out there.
    Good luck!
     
  3. Hemera

    Full Member

    Joined:
    May 24, 2011
    Messages:
    0
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Massachusetts
    Hey, I love making friends so if you ever wanna talk visitor message me :slight_smile:
    I don't really get what to say all I can say is try and talk to them, strike up some sort of conversation, that's how I usually end up making friends and I am usually shy around everyone. When I get a bout of courage I usually go up to someone who looks like someone I could get along with and just say "Hey, what's up?" (if someone asked me I usually am a smart ass lol) but sometimes that can work if not ask about something anything, but be tactful. It can help.
    Think about it, they might feel the same way as you, waiting for someone to come up to them. if you don't make the first move then you might not have the chance to make friends. If you really feel like you can't then wait, one of these days someone may come up to you, until then, to quote the person above me "hang in there" (*hug*)
     
  4. j323

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jul 16, 2011
    Messages:
    1
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    LA all Day err'rryday baby
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Not out at all
    It is always hard at first to make new friends, especially when you have to look out for someone (aka your buddy). I would tell my friend that you are going to have dinner with a friend and it was a last decision. Don't tell them the truth because it's going to hurt that person a lot, I would know. My cousin was at my house for a week, and he invited me to go with him and he has asked me many times if I wanted to go and I declined every time. So he went, and I was surprised because I was depressed that I didn't go. Another thing you could try is to have your buddy be doing something so she/he doesnt feel like there some loser staying home. I wish I could help you find friends but the only thing I could say is, be yourself and have confidence. Also, if you try to be nice to someone and there automatically not nice, don't try to be friends with them because most likely its going to be harder to become friends. Just start talking to someone randomn like in the elevator at work. Say, "Yes! Finally the weekend!" and just see where it goes from there. Thats what I do usually. I mean I start talking to people, I don't say "Yes! Finally the weekend!" everytime I go into the elevator. ahhaaha


    Good Luck!!
     
  5. olides84

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jun 5, 2008
    Messages:
    953
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Belgium
    The best way to make friends in a new city is to get out of the house. Hang out in the park, in cafes, bookstores, outdoor markets, etc. Find some social group or organization that plans events and join up. If there's some protest or demonstration or get together like that, go join it. Support a politician or a cause. Go to a apartment house/neighborhood/city meeting. Help out/volunteer somewhere for a few hours a week. If you play sports, join a club or play pickup basketball or something. There's lots and lots of ways to meet new people, and new friends hopefully will magically appear!
     
  6. Paul_UK

    Paul_UK Guest

    Joined:
    Nov 23, 2004
    Messages:
    6,885
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    I have recently moved to a new area too so have had and am still having the same problem.

    Firstly, get out to where the type of people you want to meet go. If you want to meet gay people then go to gay venues, gay social groups etc. You won't meet anyone if you stay at home, and I don't think you'll meet anyone worthwhile on hook-up websites and apps either.

    Secondly, speak to people. Seriously. If you stand on your own against the wall nobody will speak to you. You are new to the area so that's a good conversation opener. Look out for people who look like they could be friendly, aren't drunk or in a big group, but also not someone you fancy. "Hi, do you live in ****?". Most likely he/she will respond with where they live and ask about you, you can say you have recently moved here, and with a bit of luck there's a conversation. If not it doesn't matter, look for someone else.

    You may well be nervous about approaching someone new. That's understandable and normal. But think, what's the worst that could happen? The worst is that he/she won't want to talk to you. Big deal, and their loss! Really if the worst is so trivial and the best is that you could make a new friend or at least have an interesting conversation, then go for it. That's my attitude and it does help.

    Also don't stand against the wall or in a dark corner. Sit at the bar or near where other people (perhaps at the next table to a group of people who seem interesting). Don't fiddle with your phone, put it on silent and keep it in your pocket. Pay some attention to what's going on and what's being said. Maybe you'll be able to comment or join in naturally - it does happen. Maybe some of the group will disappear (it happens in the UK because smokers have to smoke outside), this tends to cause a lull and you may be able to talk with someone still there, perhaps along the lines of what they were talking about before.

    Where to go is another issue. Generally anywhere that plays loud music and serves alcohol is not a good place to have a proper conversation. A quieter gay pub may be better, but some can be sleazy hook-up places. Gay social groups that meet up weekly or monthly are a better bet because people are going to make friends rather than to drink and dance. The drawback of such groups though is that they don't tend to attract many younger people.
     
  7. gaius

    gaius Guest

    I've just moved to a foreign city in France called rennes, my advice would be find an irish bar....lost people tend to congregate around them. Failing that look into universities and schools where you are and try and participate in some kind of after hours activity.
    My personal technique is to go into a bar, have 1 beer then on the second strike up a conversation with someone at the bar. This is reliant upon "dutch courage" of course but if thats the age of friends you're looking for it does help.
     
  8. Paul_UK

    Paul_UK Guest

    Joined:
    Nov 23, 2004
    Messages:
    6,885
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    You could have a can of beer at home first then you'll have the courage without the awkward 20 mins it takes to drink the first one in the bar. :wink:
     
  9. dl72

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jun 20, 2011
    Messages:
    425
    Likes Received:
    3
    Location:
    Los Angeles, CA
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Some people
    Yes, I think the first step is getting out and going where you think you can make friends that you will want to hang out with. Going to clubs is really not the answer if you ask me because most people, not all, go there to party only and to hook up. Good luck and remember when you do go out you need to talk to people.