Friend acting weird

I think he could be confused or shocked by the situation. Many people act kind of weird once they know a person is gay. But as I see with your best friend's case, I think he could be having a secret of his own or he is hiding something (maybe a personal problem) that made him burst into tears.

I would just advice that you keep close to him whatever happens but always keep distance from him by not bugging him too much or presenting the event to him. It would be better if you will act like nothing happened and be just the same person he knew.

It's okay to worry but not too much, it may burden him more. Give him support, and you take care^_^.

 

It's not clear really what's going on. Maybe he DOES have issues with you being gay after all, but is still working through that. Maybe he is gay himself, and has to work through that. And (as reluctant as I might be to suggest this), maybe he's not only gay himself, but is finding himself getting feelings for you...and perhaps he's not ready to deal with that just yet.

Whatever his issue is, he still needs time and (apparently) distance from you to work through it. So give it to him. Tell him you didn't mean to browbeat him into dealing with whatever it is he's wrestling with, but you'll go ahead and give him the space he needs. Then, do it. If he bows out of group activities, don't take it personal. Just give him the time and space to figure out what's going on.

Lex

 

I got to agree with Lex here.... it can be quite possibly ANY one of the things he mentioned. My best guess is that he's struggling with his own sexuality. Some people have a hard time staring at themselves in the mirror when they haven't accepted something about themselves yet, and maybe you represent that mirror for him.

Normally, I would say that he isn't really comfortable with you being gay after all, but the emotional "breakdown" he had seems deeper than that. Just be yourself, and don't put too much pressure on him. If he is gay, I suspect that he may come out to you soon.

 

There could be many reasons why he is acting the way he is... here is some thoughts i had.

1: he says he hates homophobics, but in secret he might be one (The stupid one first)

2: He is actualy shocked. Remember you two grew up together, for him finding out might be seen in his point of view that he has been lied to. He needs time to work through the issues. just be who you are always and that in turn will show him that you are still the same person.

3: He might be gay himself, he is still deep in the closet and may not yet be ready to come out. It could be that he is afraid that people will start calling him gay beacuse he hangs out with you. He is afraid that someone might find out his "dirty little" secret. The fact that you said you used to get this gay vibe from him proofs that, the reason why he changed might be that someone somewhere at some time asked him if he were gay. Now he is paranoid of someone finding out thus he changed his whole manner, to throw people off.

He is not completely avoiding you or he would never be there when all your friends get together... Keep this always in mind. he told you that you are still friends, so keep this in mind too.

i would suggest to give him space, avoid asking him what is wrong and why he is acting the way he is around you. it will take some time but when he is ready you will know and you can start mending your friendship the way it was before... mostly i hope that your friendship with him will reach a much deeper level than before.

 

I agree, give him time to figure things out. He seems confused of the situation for some reason. Yes, maybe he is gay himself and has not come to grips with it. ive him a little space to clear his mind.

 

Give him some time, at first reading I would have said that he is possibly homophobic but doesn't admit it but as your story went on and he started crying when he is not like that there must be something emotionally wrong there and he could quite possibly be gay. Time will tell.

 

I can't say any more other than repeat what's already suggested, but it is rather odd.

He says he's not homophobic, yet he could be. Or he just can't comprehend the idea of someone close to him, friend or otherwise being gay, when he was just perfectly satisfied with the idea of supporting GLBT individuals without knowing any. Then he could be struggling with his own sexuality.

Who knows, but he needs to man up and stop acting strange, but perhaps giving him some time is best.

 

I think he could be gay. I would have said he had a problem with it up to the point where he started crying, at which point I thought is was a bit weird that a straight guy was crying for no reason. He could be gay and having huge trouble accepting it. Or maybe he just has odd ways of expressing himself having a problem with it for another reason.

 

If he IS gay, it's something he has to eventually think about, and come to terms with. Putting it off won't change that. And if you weren't the one bringing it up, somebody else eventually would. So don't sweat it too much.

Lex

 

Talk to him. No matter what he says to you talk to him. And then if you feel it necessary bring the day back up

 

Give him time. Be his friend, but don't force him to spend time with you and don't force yourself on him. He clearly hasn't come to terms with his sexuality. Don't talk about what happened, don't hint at it, don't even look at him funny. Just give him space. If nothing happens after a while (maybe a little after a month or two) then casually ask him to hangout and talk. If he says no, just wait longer.

 

I think the best thing to do would to send him a message. an e-mail or something that would allow you to get all of your thoughts out, and for him to have all the time he needs to digest it. Your friend is struggling with his sexuality, and he could probably use your friendship.

 

I know I said before to give him time and not to pressure him, but since he pretty much tried to suck your face off, it now leaves you with a couple of options. You can....

1. As previously stated, back off and don't mention anything about it. Let things develop on their own, and see what happens.

2. Confront him, but not aggressively. As theWorldisYours suggested, it may be a good idea to send him a message (text or email). I agree with him when he says he could probably use your friendship and reassurance that everything's going to be okay, and if you let this go without saying a word, it may very well lead to him reverting all the way back into the closet again.

At this point, it's a very tricky situation, and either suggestion could work depending on the type of person he is, but that's up to you to decide. I figure you know him enough to know what may work best. The fact that he made a move on you gives you every right to approach him on it though.

If I can just get away with kissing someone and not having to answer for it, the world would be a better place (for me anyway :lol:... )

 

Talk to him. No matter what he says to you talk to him. And then if you feel it necessary bring the day back up

 

Do you like him back?

 

Wow! That's quite a situation. I guess you found out what bothered him in the end, he seems to like you! :0 Many people have already told you what you could do but I think first you should think about the situation on your own. How do you feel about J? Do you just want your old friendship back? Do you maybe like him more than as a friend?

I would suggest to first think about it for a while and then bring the situation up with him. Just talk about it calmly in private and let him now that you will always be there for him and listen to him.