I feel that I'll disappoint my family if I come out. I hate myself for being gay a lot of the time, and sometimes I feel completely at ease with it. What do I do? I have no one to talk to and no one to help me through it. I don't want things to change. Things are fine as they are. If I come out, people will look at me differently and no one will be just as they are now around me.
hey, I'm honestly in pretty much the same boat as you, but I do have a bit of advice. I'm only out to four people, but when I told one of my me best friends (hes like a brother to me), the first thing he said was that doesn't change anything, and it hasn't. and that made me feel awesome . Even tho you are scared to tell people (and i still am), the people that truly love and care about will accept you no matter what.
It sounds like you're still coming to terms with it yourself, and that just takes time and thinking and maybe some more time here on EC But either way, coming out, and the timing of it as well, is very personal. If you aren't ready, you aren't ready. You don't have to do anything until you start feeling like you want to do it, for whatever reasons that may be.
At some point in our lives, we all disappoint our families. Trying to live in a way that never upsets anyone you're close to is not healthy. Selfishness is only a vice when taken to excess, basic self-care (which includes being honest and open about who you are) is a form of good selfishness. This is pretty common of people who are very closeted. Our feelings about being gay bounce back and forth. The best thing you can do is to come out to someone you're close to and that you trust. If you don't have anyone like that in your life, check around to see if there are any support groups, or an LGBT community center (you can either go there to talk to someone or talk on the phone), or even just people who listen (my town's central bus station has volunteers that just sit and listen to people's problems). Lacking that, you always have us. People almost never want things to change, even when they're in a bad situation. The question is whether change is beneficial, not whether its desirable. And things clearly aren't fine as they are, or you wouldn't be here. On some level, you want to come out. Some people will, but plenty of other people won't care. Even people you expect to be vehemently opposed can surprise you (the reverse, sadly, is also true: people you expect to not care can get worked up about it. Why don't you tell us some more about your situation? Why would your family be disappointed? What's your religious and cultural background? What are you afraid will happen if you come out? (*hug*)
Why are people ever disappointed when someone else comes out? My dad lives quite far away and I only see him like twice a year so I really don't care about his reaction. My mum has told me that when I was a little kid she thought I was gay >.< I guess it's more my friends' reactions that I care about. I'm a Catholic, and yes I heard that loud sigh! I have to say that the Catholic Church in England is pretty liberal so it's not to do with religion. I feel that if people know I'm gay, that's all I'll be. I don't want people whispering behind my back. How can I ask other people to be ok with it if I'm not? :icon_sad: ---------- Post added 19th Jul 2011 at 04:54 PM ---------- I go to sleep and wake up feeling like crap, and put on a brave face when I go outside and don't ever let on. I don't want it to be like this anymore, but I don't think I'll be able to come out.
You can't and that's why its better to spend some time accepting yourself before anything else. It seems like you are just starting your coming out process and it is something that takes a while. Give yourself some time, read some threads, ask questions and it will slowly start getting better. Little by little you will get there. Don't forget that we ALL started where you are right now
What you are going through is the same thing pretty much every other gay person has gone through. You are in the process of excepting who you are, and that takes time. It took me years for me to even believe I was gay, even though looking back on those years, I knew deep down. If your happy with your life the way it is right now? then don't sweat it. you shouldn't have to come out for anybody but yourself. I eventually wanted to come out because I just stopped being happy holding in a lie. It takes time, don't rush yourself, things only change for the better in the end.
I was in the same boat as you just a couple months ago. ( was so scared of my friend's reactions, it scared me to death. To be honest, everyone I've told (30+ friends, sister, mom) have been completely fine with it, brought us closer, been indifferent, and doesn't allow my homosexuality to change our relationship. Or any combination of those. Like, it's all in your head. If they are truly your friends, they won't care that you're gay. I understand you're not ready to come out uet, but don't be afraid. It usually doesn't change anything in your friendship. Take your time,g et more comfortable with yourself, and then just take the plunge.
I honestly feel the exact same way. I can look in the mirror and tell myself that I am bi but then I will be lying in bed and try to convince myself that I am a bad person for being bi. I am too scared to tell anyone because I don't want to be judged and unloved.
It would be silly of m to tell you not to worry, because you are going to worry. Coming out is a stressful thing even if you could be 100% sure that everything was gonna be okay. But I have some advice for you: always remember this Doctor Seuss quote..."Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. Hope it helps; Courage.
