Asking for insight and advice. There’s an all-ages event at a gay club in the city soon. The first floor would be all-ages and the second would be 21+. But I’m at an age where I want a boyfriend, not a roll in the hay or sex/party-crazed club-goer which I am sure to find undoubtedly. If I were to go I’d want to meet someone special, but I’ve gone before and most guys there were macking out before they even introduced themselves to one another! I don’t want that and frankly, that does not turn me on in the slightest. Is a club a good place to meet someone who could be a companion, friend, and hopefully more? Or should I stay away? Is this what young people do? I haven’t the foggiest and I’m barely in my twenties. Help!
My mom always said you won't find your ideal partner in clubs and bars. I tend to agree with her, especialy here in Nam, those in clubs usualy want to have sex that same night. I would hazard to say go to the beach or even the mall or somewhere nutral, a place were you can have fun (not sexualy though). Like on the beach, swimming, playing volley ball or something like that. If i were in your shoes, or that i havn't met my hubby i would go to places like that. Keep the clubs only for when you have already met the person.
In general, no. It can be a good place to find somebody to go home with, or somebody to make out with for the night, or even somebody to just chat with for awhile (without anything sexual). But if you're "on the prowl for a boyfriend", such events tend not to be ideal grounds for that. To my way of thinking, a potential boyfriend is somebody you click with on a couple levels, and you work on building on that commonality. A club tends to be loud, dark and not suited for conversation - which makes that "clicking" difficult on anything but on the "he's cute" or "I like how he dances" level. Mind you, you MIGHT end up meeting somebody, and then heading to a coffee shop or somewhere else to continue the "bonding". But that's usually what has to happen. That said, I don't see any reason not to go. Just make it clear where your boundaries are, keep an open mind, approach the solos, and see how it goes. Lex
I don't think clubs are necessarily bad places to meet people. I went to a gay club once and had a lovely conversation with a girl. She already had a girlfriend, which was a shame, (FTR I now do have a girlfriend) but it goes to show that you can meet some good people there. As the other posters said, be careful and keep your boundaries clear because there are a lot of dodgy people at clubs.
I’d probably end up being a wallflower or something. But I am rather lonely. Conflicted. :s How do I break from shyness?
Get into the middle of the crowd, do not stand at the edge. Make lots of eye contact. Smile. Dance with people. Ask them to dance with you. Get chatting with them, and then get out of the crowd so you can make easier conversation.
Well, it worked for me. I started dancing randomly with this girl at a club, and we ended up having a lovely long chat Can't remember what about though. She already had a girlfriend, but never mind, I've got my own now XD
the one thing I've learned from working in clubs over the years is that if you meet in the bar, you tend to stay there, even if you do find a bf, you usually end up back at the bar night after night, my advice is to look online, or if you live in a city, one of the pride groups, or picking an LGBT charity cause will put you in touch with a lot of other gays.
I agree with heartqueen. If you stand at the side looking awkward you'll be there on your own all night. Try to join in and get involved. Put yourself in the middle of the action. Be a participant not an observer. You could maybe have a drink or two to lower your inhibitions (assuming you are old enough to drink) but make sure you stay in control. Clubs and pubs are not really the place to find a partner. It may happen, but it's unlikely. If it does it is more likely to develop from a friendship. If you go out looking for a partner you won't find one - it is generally accepted that the harder you look the less likely you are to find. So don't look (well OK, admire the scenery, we all do that!) then you won't be disappointed. One other thing on being lonely, when you become a full member here maybe think about putting your location (it can be broad, state or region) and age on your profile. There may be other members in your area that could become friends - if they knew they were in the same area!
