total confusion---i don't know what i am anymore!

:help:
well i'm a 25-year old woman.. or girl, since i rather look like and feel like a girl than a full-grown woman. lets start with this first.
sexual-orientation-wise my route was somewhat wild, but not too uncommon. i used to be a typical straight girl... until i wasn't. i'm in a relationship with an amazing woman, for 4 years now. she's not the first girl i've been with, but it's the most serious relationship i've been in, so far! we moved in together after 3 months of dating and haven't been apart longer than maybe a week. everybody loves her, even my grand-parents!

so i used to date guys and then i started dating girls, and never looked back.... well until recently.
please don't hate me... i'm not about to pull an anne heche here... but what i'm about to tell you is still quiet disturbing.

two months ago i started a new job, and right on the first day i realized that one of my new co-workers was the ex-boyfriend of some guy that used to dj at some of the parties we used to go to. (that was a long sentence!) we said our hellos, gave each other some knowing looks, and over the course of the last couple weeks really bonded, friendship-wise.

to fast-forward to the gruesome part of this whole mess that was about to unfold...
i don't know what on earth came to our heads, but after a rather awkward office party and way too many drinks on my part, we ended up at his little place. actually it was really thoughtful of him, to drag me away, before i was about to make a complete drunken ass out of myself, after having as little as 3 heinekens and a glass of champagne! (yes i know i'm that pathetic!)

anywhoo, down at his place i started feeling quiet upset so he started rubbing my back and my shoulders and we ended up dancing. and then we ended up laughing, and then he suddenly kissed me. and then we kept on standing there rubbing each others backs, holding hands, embracing and feeling each other up, kind of everywhere, for literally a whole hour! it was just so weird. i mean we weren't really making out per se... but it was still intense, and he kept on saying how he wished he could have sex with me, but that he probably couldn't. i mean obviously since he's supposed to be gay, right. and i kept thinking, what are you talking about? i don't want to have sex with you-- i have a girlfriend! i told him that everything would be just fine, he shouldn't worry, and i left.

now-about a week later- this whole episode keeps messing with my head, big times. mostly the fact that this whole experience, in all its weirdness, was the most romantic and intense thing i have felt for quiet a long while! the way he smelled, the way his hands and his skin felt really turned me on and i keep thinking about it all the time, and it just won't stop!!! i feel like i've kicked every brave lesbian in the gut. this is not supposed to go that way, i feel sooo stupid!:icon_sad: luckily we won't see each other that soon, since we're working on different projects, now, but i still need to find out what this all means to me, before i talk to my girlfriend about it. do you think i should mention this at all?

(long post i know! sorry for that, but i guess it just bursted out of me. )