I've heard that some bisexual guys have come out then run back in. I'm starting to think I should too. It seems to make girls nervous around me wondering if I'll leave them for a guy or if I'm really gay. Guys are okay that girls are bi, but girls seem to be wary to not date a bisexual guy. On dating profiles, I've noticed gay guys back away the very second I mention being bi probably either nervous, thinking I'm a closet case or jealous that I have "hetero" priviledge (really, no such thing). I lean more towards girls. Why be out if all it's gonna get me is girls backing away and guys either avoiding me or disbelieving me? Is all that really worth it? I seriously thought I could do it. But by the way things are going, I seriously think it's a lot better in than out. Especially since I'm bi and can cut off the "guy arm." Any suggestions or... I don't know, I just feel like I need to retreat. I should also mention this would be me only going back in digitally. Family and friends know, accept, don't feel the need to hide my secret identity from them. Everyone else? I don't think it's something I can handle anymore... It's kinda like Hank/Beast said - the world might come to embrace homosexuality, but bisexuality ("big feet") will still have an uphill battle being the less deemed brother by the populace at large. "Anonymity is a mutant's first line of defense against the world's hostility." I just can't continue getting hit from every side.
Sad to say, I agree. Bisexual guys are pretty much persona non grata among both straight women and gay men. The majority of gay men I know say they'd never date a bisexual guy ever, and many won't even befriend them. So I'd say simply don't tell anybody else. If you're interested in a girl, go ask her out. If you're interested in a guy, go ask him out. Lex
It all depends on whether you're looking for someone who can accept you as a bisexual or not, doesnt it? I, personally, have no problem with bisexual guys. I used to have small niggling problems when I was more ignorant. You could always try educating people I guess...
Its really up to you. If you can be happy while in the closet then go for it. I will just say that I think its worth being honest about yourself to the person that you are dating, even if it means you have to pass on some people. Lets say you find this girl and you marry her, will you keep your bisexuality a secret forever? If you can then go for it, but if you think you will have to tell her at some point then its something to think about. It might be harder to find that one person, but I rather be hated for who I am than loved for what I'm not. Its a tough call, though.
I think, honestly, a lot of guys are uncomfortable dating bisexual men for the same reason many won't touch closeted men: they perceive (rightly or wrongly) that bisexual men have issues with themselves -- specifically, unwillingness to accept that they're gay -- that affect their ability to be in a stable relationship. And, for a lot of bisexual men, there's probably some truth to that. I've never seen a study, and it would be complicated to do one, but from the people I've talked to over time, it seems a pretty large percentage of them, when they first come out, identify as bisexual and later realize they were never really bisexual but that it was a stepping stone on the path to acceptance. But as far as you and your situation... I tend to go in the direction of being authentic with yourself. So assuming that you are genuinely bisexual, I'd suggest that you simply be authentic with that. Yes, it may turn some people off, but I don't think you'll be happy in the long run if you try to portray yourself with potential partners as someone you're not. And if there's any possibility that you might actually be more toward the gay side of the spectrum, but resisting the "gay" label, I'd say spending some time exploring that idea and coming to terms with whatever the truth is would be really helpful to you as well.
I'm actually a kinsey 2, so leaning is far towards girl side. Think that's the best bet still and just tell girls later on. Might be one of the bi guys who never acts on it. If it's one arm, girls are addictive lol.
Maybe you're not obliged to tell new people right away either. You said your family and friends know and are fine with this, wich is great. Now when you're meeting new people, the fact you're bisexual may not be the first thing you want to talk about. Let people the time to get to know you better before telling them that you're bisexual. And maybe don't do that in a "coming out way" but more in a very casual way, mentionning an ex-girlfriend or an ex-boyfriend. And if the person you'll be talking to raise en eyebrow, you can add something like "Well, I'm bi. You didn't know ?". Take care, Cécile
Thanks. That's the plan. Just giving people time to get to know me rather than giving them something to judge me upfront. That way they see me as me and not just as "the bi guy."
