So lately I've been feeling very differently. Just a few months ago I almost considered myself gay. All I thought about was guys. All I wanted was to find a bf, cudldle with him, make-out with him, and sleep with him lol. But now, idk, it's almost like I've made a 180. All I think about lately are girls. Not sure what made the change happen but it could be something to do with the two almost gf's I almost had (seperate story behind that) but idk. And its not just that but I went from only watching gay or bi porn, because straight porn, did nothing for me, to almost being grossed out by gay porn and only watching straight, for the most part. I still like guys, dont get me wrong, and I still find myself drooling over them sometimes lol. But this brings me to the biggest and most confussing part about how I feel. Sleeping with a guy kind of feels nasty and alsmot wrong for some reason. I still like guys, would like to kiss a guy, hold hands and and cuddle with a guy but not sex. Girls, on the other hand, I would like all of that.....on top of sex. Is it weird to feel like that? To go from wanting it all to wanting almost none at all? And visa versa? I feel as if I wouldn't mind a bf or a gf but with a bf, idk, nothing more than just cuddling I guess. Is this something normal that may happen? Will I maybe go back to feeling how I did a few months ago or is this how I will stay? I'm not upset at how I feel just kinda confussed....has anyone else felt this way?
That's really interesting...I've only been with girls so far, but the same has happened with me, I'm really interested in having a real relationship with a guy. However, I'm not so sure about actually having sex with a guy...maybe that's just because I'm more experienced with girls, but I'd feel safer holding hands and kissing and cuddling. So, my point is, that's not weird at all, because I feel that way too sometimes! Honestly, it really helps me to think about sexuality as a spectrum. Right now, I do identify as bisexual, because I know I have the potential to have feelings for both girls and guys. But hey, I mean, sexuality is a really complicated and confusing thing, and I wouldn't rush the idea of labeling yourself at all. You have all the time in the world to figure it out. Enjoy the journey as much as you can.
i'm in the same boat. the sex stuff is not somethign i really want to do and the other stuff seems childish for most people because by the time the;y are in their late 20s and 30s that's too slow for them. but i could be wrong. i'm sure there are poeple out there like me. i say just do what you want to do but do not do more than that until you are ready.
I know what you mean. I've gone from stages of "boys boys boys!" to only thinking about girls. It's affected a lot by if I'm crushing on someone, and other times it's just fluctuations.
This sort of thing isn't uncommon among gay (or gay-side-of-bi) people who are still closeted, and can be triggered even more if one starts to get close to coming out; basically, it's sort of a last ditch effort that your unconscious throws up out of fear. The real key is what your feelings were before, and where they are now. If you previously watched gay porn and were aroused and excited by it, but only recently started feeling revulsion, then the issue is probably more psychological rather than a genuine indicator of your true sexual orientation, because if you were genuinely straight then the gay porn would never have been arousing in the first place. On the other hand, a guy who has a couple of mutual masturbation sessions with a male friend because he's horny, but otherwise is completely straight, looks at straight porn, isn't aroused by guys, etc... is probably not gay, in spite of what he might fear. The other factor that mucks with things is unconscious internalized homophobia. That tends to rear its ugly head just about the time one is considering coming out, at which point all the slurs, rude comments, and insults that one has heard about gay people growing up can start to weigh in on one's psyche and basically cause a desire to revert to a "simpler" existence. Defining one's sexuality can be complicated, and few people are completely black and white with their sexual orientation. I would suggest giving it time and not analyzing it too much, just sitting with it and see where it leads you. There's no rush on coming out. The only downside is if you get stuck in a rut where you're actually showing all the signs of being gay but are in denial; we've had a recent influx of a lot of people who are in that boat, and every one of them talks about how they wish they'd been able to face their fears earlier in life. If any of you who have posted would like to talk about this, I and the rest of the advisor team are here to help, just PM one of us.
I think Chip has a really good point. I have started to deal with my sexuality and am still mostly closeted. I have managed to come out to one friend from college who was nothing but supportive. While, it felt liberating on the one hand, it also scared the shit out of me, as suddenly it felt much more real. As I have become more comfortable with the thought of being on the gay side of the sexuality spectrum and therefore closer to coming out to more people, I have experienced some of these same thoughts. I would see an attractive girl and start to question if maybe I could make it work. It was really confusing me but after hearing this explanation, it does really seem to make sense. I think it is a last ditch attempt on my part to try to convince myself that I can live a straight life and leave this all behind. But deep down I know that probably isn't going to work for me as I am more attracted to men than women.
