I'm out to pretty much everyone. Even if I haven't said it explicitly to every single person I know, I have told all the people close to me, word has gotten around, it's on facebook, I talk about my girlfriend, etc. I'm gay and pretty much everyone knows it. Big deal. That's all fine and dandy. Well, until today that is. I just f*cked up and I don't know what happened or what to do about it... So, my dad's folks are in town and we don't see them very often. It's unlikely that my dad told them I'm gay and I certainly didn't either. I considered slipping it in today, since I really haven't seen them since before I came out and they are far too socially liberal people to be against gays. Nothing to worry about there, right? Wrong, apparently. Today my grandfather asked me if I have a boyfriend. I said no. Then he started saying something else. I froze up instead of telling him about my beautiful wonderful amazing girlfriend who I normally love to talk about. I suddenly felt wrong inside and I can't explain what happened to why I felt that twisty feeling or what the hell I was even thinking. I just froze up. I felt so guilty, I texted my girlfriend right away and she told me to calm down and that it's fine. She said I didn't lie to him and she's not offended that I didn't tell him about her and that she's not out to her grandparents either. But her grandparents are old fashioned and probably not all that into the idea of having gay or bisexual grandchildren. My grandparents probably couldn't care less if they tried. And still I just could not tell him. What the hell? I guess I don't know what i'm looking for. Has this happened to anyone else? (and did you figure out why?) Any idea on how to fix what I've done here? Should I just buck up and tell my grandparents about my girlfriend? How? I guess if it's done subtly then it's not like a big conversation about how much of a homo I am... :help:
Hmmm as I am not out but to a few people I have not experienced this. But I might say that it seems from your post that you have a great amount of love and respect for your grandfather. If I am right and you admire him it is not a big leap to think that there maybe a tiny irrational part of you that fears losing that person or being seen differently even if you know they don't care logically? Thats really all I could come up with but I hope its of some use. Good luck and may you find the answer to this problem.
I suppose if you were comfortable with telling him and are aware that he's not overly homophobic, then I'd say tell him. Perhaps start off with the whole "I'm not into boys thing" and move on from there.
Thanks for the response Bibliophile & Just Passing I appreciate it. Now that I've been thinking about it for a while, I think I might have figured out what happened, but I still don't know exactly what to do. Thing is, my grandparents and I are not really all that close. Also, I'm in an exhausted funk completely separate from this whole deal, so I think I was just too tired and too grumpy to think about having yet another damn conversation about how I'm gay. But, because I'm in a weird mood this week, now I missed a beautiful opportunity to not have it be a huge discussion and I don't know if I'll get another shot like that. So I guess I feel like maybe I should say something, but bringing it up just makes it a big deal and I don't want this to turn into a big deal. I just want it to stop being a huge newsflash to everyone. It's getting old. So I like to keep it on the DL when I'm subtly letting people know that I'm gay, because if I don't ever come out it creates more confusion and makes it look like I'm ashamed of my girlfriend and I don't want that either... UGH. Is there not an in-between here?
